r/TwoXKeralam

Hi Girlies! First of all thankyou for having this sub and most importantly engaging in important discussions.

Im somone who is going to turn 30 in another six months.

Working in Corporate. No savings or social life. Most of the friends are settled. Single and staying with parents.

What advice would you like to give me. How is life in 30s be?

I am the ahankari of the house to the point I unknowingly caused my brother to have no voice.

I was always rebellious, challenging traditional stereotypes and questioning everything. And from as long as I can remember, I had the title "ahankari" branded on me. I was fine with it all until I realised how much it affected my brother.

Because I was like this, he was put in a position where he was forced to become the compliant good boy. One who listened and nodded and never questioned anything. Now, at the age of 17, he has no real friends, no real opinions, easily influenced and doesn't even know how to defend himself when wronged. And one time I supported him enough for him to voice his thoughts, he was driven to a point of thoughts of suicide. For the first time in my life I'm feeling so helpless.

Our parents won't listen to a word we say. They have a mindset and anything that challenges it is wrong and dumb. They don't understand the amount of pressure they put on him. I have escaped this help but unknowingly trapped my brother in it. He doesn't even have the courage to try to escape it.

I got a marriage proposal from a guy who has a good job, and his family is well settled. They are looking for someone who is educated and, specifically, an “adakkam othukkam ulla penn.” We are from the same place, but his family currently lives somewhere else. They don’t want a girl from that place because they say, “ivide ulla Penkuttikalonnum sheriyalla”.
I’m an introvert, so people often misunderstand me as being a calm and quiet girl. Would this be considered a red flag?

Hey girlies anyone use penpal apps here? I am looking for genuine, slow conversations. I am using slowly app. If anyone wish to connect I can comment my slowly id.

When you are getting messages from married men how do u react? Have anybody taken it forward to meet-up?

I was that easy to manage, no drama child growing up. I somehow wanted to please my parents growing up , so i studied hard , did everything they asked me to do etc. But once I became independent, the rebel in me started coming out, and my parents thought I am mentally not okay , that’s why I was rebellious. They told me how much of a good girl i was and it triggered me to the core. They tried to console me when i broke down, and it triggered me more. I called out them mentioning each and every incident i remember, I made them regret it all. Then I moved out and started living alone, taking professional help, and now i am in my mid thirties. I was finally able to zoom out and see things objectively. I am able to accept that my parents are also flawed just like any other human being. May be they never knew any better.

Though I am able to forgive and let go, i always get into the loop of thinking what if i could be the naughty kid and got to do all the fun and childish stuff growing up, i envy people who got to be back benchers and enjoyed their time growing up. Believe it or not, i do not remember me being a child - i remember my childhood, but i always felt like an adult.

Don’t get me wrong, this good girl syndrome somehow made me what society thinks as successful. I am grateful to the life I have now and the financial and emotional independence.

But then there are some days where I again get caught up in the what if thoughts and somehow feel betrayed :)

So I told my mom that if I ever get married, there would be no engagement, no wedding venue- just a court wedding. That’s it. And in the evening, I’d arrange a small party for the relatives.
And when I find someone who has the same views and is on board with those choices, that would be the day I get married.

And hearing this, she went completely silent. Her face literally went gloomy. Omg, I was like, wtf 😭. I can’t even have a choice in how I want my wedding day to be? I asked her what happened, and she just said, “Sometimes it’s best if I stay silent.” Lol. I can’t with her.

*I don’t like my relatives, nor do I like the idea of walking down the aisle or taking traditional wedding vows. I’d hate having to say that I’ll obey my husband and submit to my husband lol.* I’d much rather keep it simple, get legally married, and have a small party with family afterward.

If anyone thinks I’m in the wrong for wanting a court wedding, why is it wrong? And why are Malayali parents so against register marriages? Did your parents react the same way when you mentioned it?

Also when people say, "Not all men". Really dude, when every woman I know has been SA-ed by a friend or family member, how dare you trivialize the circumstances by saying "not all men". Is it worth making an exception for the miniscule population that isnt perverted?

The way they act as if they're not wrong or anything

Got into an argument with one of my friend which left me fuming where he goes on gloating about not all men , or let's hear the other side of story ( the topic was involving about safety of women actually)

So what triggered me is my past experience i had

Hey peeps

What kind of fabric do you usually wear for everyday workwear? ( Cotton, viscose rayon, silk, Vatican silk..)

I usually wear cotton, but it starts looking dull after around 10 washes. I’m looking for good-quality everyday workwear, mainly co-ords and salwar suits, that aren’t too pricey but also don’t fade or get damaged within 6 months.

What fabrics/brands would you recommend for something that’s comfortable, easy to maintain, and actually lasts? Also, please drop your suggestions for good online stores or offline shops in Kochi where I can find reasonably priced, good-quality workwear.

Sugarcut in early 20s or cutting down this sodium high food or inflammatory foodd or angane

Intermittent fasting how to do it and

Anyone who did sugarcut,is it really worth it or should we exploit the better metabolism and indulge in sugar.

Ee cut oke cheyano how's it as I'm noticing slight variations in blood test ALT is clearly elevated at 66., doctor told fatty liver or thyroid issues problem indavum in future if I don't control eating habits en and alsomodt prediabetic and cholesterol korach high and

So I'm scared as family fatty liver diabetes and toehr health related issues or problems cholestrol sugar thyroid angane issues ollavar ond

What benefits have you noticed from your sugarcut.

I’m writing this at 3.30 am. I cannot sleep at all. I came across one Instagram post today, and the man who s*xually abused me when I was 5 or 6 was there. Apparently, he became a big name in his field. That man ruined many things for me, but look at him enjoying all the success. In that picture, he was handing a trophy to a kid. idk i’m going crazy over it. It was kind of a slap for me. idk is it's lack of sleep or my period. But FK HIM and FK PDFs

Why are guys or men always obsessed with projecting their opinions or preference on us and always they want to explain things to us or back to us as if we don't know anything or agree to them

Like throughout my life be it whatever situation this is just an example, I've noticed men getting disappointed by the fact that women have opinions and want to argue and always prove we are wrong or like " pandathe penpilleru pole alla innathe " or always agree to their whims or desires and always saying namku penu kitinuila oke

I wonder why

And starting projecting their gaze and opinions on us

Simple example which happened I can share

Recent ayit in workplace something with regards to who u find attractive or is ur type or celeb crush pole ayirnu ,and like why pole everyone used to say , both girl and guys gang ondayirnu , I said I like harry potter guy or like a lean guy with specs is my type angane , and some girls did mention tall people or say like their celeb crush whom they find attractive in movies like Hrithik Roshan, nivin , or madhavan , zayn malik etc angane even in other languages

I don't know these guys weren't even respecting our interest or preference and saying u girls want fair guys only and were going on about how u reject nice guys or doing the typical njngl paavam ningal oke opinion ollavar as if it's bad and engaging in hypocrisy saying so u don't like pradeep ranganathan or vijay or dhanush or Sethupathi or any dark guy or someone who's huge and went on ranting , while these guys choose the fairest girls as their crushes and had no problem

Any curly girls here? How are you managing your curls ladies😫

I tried to follow CGM back in the day and quit as I couldn't buy the required products. Pinne njan ath angane vittatha. Ippo anupama parameswaran te juicy bouncy curls kandapo oru ilakkam😭

Drop any products that worked for you or your routine.👩‍🦱

Hi, can anyone suggest good bridal stylists in Kerala? And any of u guys have any personal experience with them?

I recently started dating someone and it's honestly one of the sweetest relationship I've been in. We're getting very serious. This guy really do love me and me too. I want this to work too. Everything so far is okay except political views. He's the typical tough guy, you know one of those who says I believe in equality but no feminism, while I am a feminist. Also, he keeps saying that he "doesn't believe in LGBTQ". And when I asked what he would do if we ever had a child that turns out to be one, he said he will try to make them "understand". He has never said or did anything problematic other than this. As far as I know he's a kind person and I don't think if he ever meets or get to know a queer person or a trans person, he will treat them differently. His ignorance seems to come from misinformation and lack of knowledge rather than actual hate.

So, my qn is this. Has anyone actually dated someone like this and were able to navigate the situation? Because as of now my biggest fear is what if I marry him and we have a queer child he distances himself from them or try to make them feel that there is something wrong with them. Has anyone who had a partner changed their view on this stuff?

42F, living abroad. Just scribbling down a happy moment I had as there is literally nobody to share this with.
Most of my friends are out of touch.
1 that is in touch must be busy packing lunch for kids back in kerala.

My cousin who I used to play with as a child lives in the same country I live in, for the past many years.
I would occasionally call her over phone but had never seen each other from here. As adults we are not very close. She always used to introduce me as her sister when we were children. During those days I thought I have other cousins who are more like sister to me.

This time when she told her 3 year old that I am her sister, it kind of felt very touching. This was over WhatsApp.
So finally we decided to meet at her place as I was traveling to that part of the country. We stayed there two nights and a day. She was a wonderful host. She is so kind and so is her family. I was happy to see that she was full of energy and spirit. Very cheerful and genuinely so happily preparing food. Not a word or comment that would displease us. I felt so pampered not doing any household job. She said just enjoy, come visit your sister often.

I felt so happy visiting her. We are 42 years old. As kids we have had play dates. I must not have liked her much like I did the rest of my cousins. I am not sure what the reason was. I feel bad that i must have not treated her well as a child. All the cousins who I thought were like sister to me is not so sister as adults. They have separate WhatsApp group and they occasionally catch up.

While bidding goodbye I hugged and kissed her. I am not sure what i must have felt at that moment, felt so grateful and happy to have spend time with her.

I’m a 27-year-old corporate employee from Trivandrum, and I’ve been working in the same organisation for about four years. To be honest, I don’t really have any friends anymore. My best friend is my husband, and I’m very close to my sister.
This is going to be a long post, so please bear with me. I genuinely want to hear an honest, unbiased opinion because I’ve reached a point where I keep wondering whether I’m the problem. Maybe the reason I don’t have friends is because of me.
During school, I had a group of friends whom I considered family. Something changed when we moved to 10th standard, although even now I can’t quite put my finger on what exactly happened. Most of them had the same goal of cracking NEET, so they attended coaching classes together. I was the only one who didn’t. Naturally, they started spending more time together, developing their own inside jokes and experiences that I wasn’t part of. I felt increasingly left out.
I also remember feeling that they didn’t really appreciate or acknowledge me in the same way they appreciated each other. For example, if one of them wore something nice, the others would compliment her, but I rarely received that kind of appreciation. It may sound trivial, but at that age, those things mattered to me.
Then, during 10th standard, there was a class reshuffle. I ended up being completely alone without any of my friends, and I believe that triggered some serious mental health struggles for me. I started experiencing depression, and my parents eventually intervened and had me moved to another class where two of my friends were present.
Even after that, things didn't really improve. I continued feeling lonely and increasingly overwhelmed. Towards the end of the year, a major issue involving one of the girls in our group came to light, and the entire group was scrutinised. Most of them knew what was happening, but I was completely unaware of the situation. Somehow, a significant portion of the blame ended up falling on me because I had gone against the principal and moved to another class, even though my teachers had supported that decision.
The incident affected me deeply. That same day, I developed severe abdominal pain, was admitted to the hospital and eventually had to undergo surgery. I missed the final days of 10th standard. I genuinely believed my friends were devastated by what had happened to me. Later, I found out that one of them had said I was faking the stomach pain to escape the consequences of what had happened.
That completely shattered me.
I went into a very severe period of depression. After 10th, I stopped speaking to all of them and moved to another school. But the new environment was overwhelming too, and eventually I stopped going to school altogether. My parents were extremely worried. They tried changing my school, but nothing seemed to work.
Eventually, they took me to a psychiatrist, who recommended that I take a year off and repeat the academic year later. I had always been a high-achieving student, so this was something nobody expected from me. I started experiencing panic attacks and went through an extremely dark period, including suicide attempts. After a long battle, I eventually completed 11th and 12th through open schooling and had to choose humanities instead of the science path I had originally dreamed of.
I had always wanted to become a scientist. At that point, it felt like everything I had imagined for my future had been taken away because of my mental health.
Some relatives even suggested that I shouldn't be sent to college because they were afraid I would face the same problems again. But my parents believed in me and sent me anyway.
College became something of a comeback for me.
I chose English, and although I still had my struggles, I learned how to live with them. I eventually graduated as the first rank holder at Kerala University, which was something nobody expected after everything I had gone through. For me, it felt like I had finally proved to myself that I wasn't broken.
I did make a few friends in college, but I never allowed myself to form extremely deep friendships. I had developed serious trust issues. After graduation, I stayed in touch with only a few people.
Then I started working. I joined an IT company as a technical writer and genuinely enjoyed my work. I also met my then-boyfriend, who is now my husband, there.
At work, I eventually found another group of four people. Once again, I became emotionally attached to them and started considering them my family. I let my boundaries down and allowed myself to trust people deeply again.
And once again, something changed.
I had some health issues and was working from home quite often, which naturally created some distance. Around the same time, another colleague changed the dynamics within the group. He had originally been part of the group, later resigned, and eventually joined the organisation again.
When he returned, everyone was extremely happy and celebrated his comeback. I wasn't, because I had never particularly liked him and didn't feel comfortable around him. I didn't want to force myself into a situation that would hurt me emotionally, so I gradually started distancing myself from the group.
The painful part is that apparently, they didn't even notice.
Then I took a month's leave following a miscarriage. Not one of them checked on me.
When I returned to work, my distance from them had become obvious, and one of them eventually asked why I was behaving differently. I finally told them what I had been feeling.
Their response was that I should have communicated all of this earlier because how were they supposed to know what I was feeling?
And honestly, that part is fair.
I know I have a tendency to avoid confrontation. I keep things inside, withdraw when I'm hurt, and expect people who know me well to understand that something is wrong without me explicitly saying it. My colleagues are also aware that this is how I am.
I tried to go back to being normal with them after that conversation, but something had already changed. Now we basically have a "hi-bye" relationship.
And this is where I'm struggling.
It feels like this pattern keeps repeating throughout my life. I feel lonely, neglected or excluded, I withdraw because I'm hurt, and eventually the entire situation gets reduced to the fact that I didn't communicate properly. The original loneliness or hurt somehow disappears, and I end up feeling like I'm the villain.
I don't know how much of this is my fault anymore.
I can acknowledge that I have communication issues. I avoid confrontation. I bottle things up. Sometimes I distance myself instead of telling people directly that they've hurt me. I understand that people cannot always know what I'm thinking.
But at the same time, I don't think my feelings came from nowhere either.
I've experienced being left out, not being checked on during some of the hardest moments of my life, and feeling like I cared about friendships much more deeply than the other people involved.
So I genuinely want an honest opinion.
Am I the problem?
Is there something fundamentally wrong with the way I form friendships? Am I expecting too much from people? Do I become too emotionally attached and then feel betrayed when people don't reciprocate at the same level?
Or have I simply had a series of friendships where I wasn't with the right people?
I'm not looking for someone to blindly tell me that I'm right and everyone else is wrong. I genuinely want to understand my own role in this pattern because I'm tired of wondering whether the reason I don't have friends is simply because of me.