u/IndependenceMoist405

你好， which means hello in chinese... yeah.. I've been teaching myself Manderin. Its been a very interesting journey. Even being on keto, I weighed 338 back in April 2nd and fell to 303 just today.. i have been a mess because my 11 year relationship ended. It was thee hardest thing for me to do, and i didnt want to do it but it was necessary. I love her so much but she has to go and make a life for her. I have my issues, she has hers.. this isn't about the break up though.. it was just part of my journey to getting clean.

I started going balls deep into learning Manderin and i have made a friend in China thats been helping me with my pronunciation. I've learned that I really enjoy learning this language and i haven't once thought about 7oh. After the break up I have been stone cold sober from everything. I just sit with those feelings. I do cry randomly because it hurts.. but its a good hurt. And I know she will be successful in her coming life.

As for me my goals are simple, staying sober, learning new languages, getting out of debt and making new friends. I've even started drawing more as well... also getting away from all the world's drama such as social media and the awful things going on.. i have to focus on leveling up.

So here is to new beginnings.

为新的开始干杯！

I broke up with her... it was insanely painful. I still love her but its best to go our separate ways. We had our occasional arguments, bickering, fights... yesterday was the worst its ever been. She was in a very awful mood and taking her anger out on me and I was doing everything I can to maintain calmness.

I've been emotionally exhausted the last few years and I have my problems too. With alcohol, substance abuse to numb the depression. I started getting clean, developing structure and routine. She doesn't have any of that and i had that conversation wity her about keeping this peace but she couldn't..

I won't say she's a bad person, because she's not, she just has a lot of things to work on and so do I. I know she was having a hard time accepting the situation, and I told her this isn't easy for me either.

I'm in a financial hole I'm trying to get out of, I'm emotionally drained and I know this will be the best for both of us. She has family to go back to where she can learn what she needs to learn and pursue the career she wants to get into. I know she will succeed and I want her too. With me it wasn't possible.

It's crazy how she thought there was someone else, no, I dont want anyone else... I just want peace. That's all I want. Slept on my mom's cheap uncomfortable couch and didn't sleep very good... but I did wake up feeling peace for the first time in years.. I'm still an emotional wreck of course but as much as it hurts? I know this was the right thing to do.

I wish her well, and I know she will succeed.