u/Independent-Photo112

I (22F) have noticed that if I don't meditate, I cannot keep my cool in my relationship and life. I hate this so much because I am like my mom. I got a copy and paste of her nervous system. I can't keep my room clean, I can't organize my life, I can't function, I can't keep a schedule. I just get insanely overwhelmed, and then my OCD skyrockets to the max. I hate this and I don't know if it is irrational. I stopped my meditation routine as I felt that I was too busy. This was not smart, as previously, I obviously really struggled. I struggle to not escalate things in my relationship if I don't meditate, and get worked up over things that don't need to matter so much.

I guess I need to rant about that, but I also want to know if other things can help so meditation isn't my only crutch. I am on medications right now. I just hate being the person who cannot function in the slightest without all of this stuff.

I am struggling with deconstructing gender roles after mormonism, especially regarding finances. This has been a struggle in my relationship where I am expecting my boyfriend to pay for parts of things (he takes home a lot more than me, however, not a ton as we are 22). I feel like I have somewhat gotten to the point where I think it's ok to not have a man be the "provider" but just get stuck. Did this happen to anyone else? I see myself as a feminist and want to be fair, but know I probably am not after unfortunately (and I guess fortunately, as I can work on myself in this aspect) getting flamed on the "am i the asshole" sub...I get so jaded on this that I need called out to be able to recognize i am wrong and nonsensical and i HATE that deeply. I want to be better

I (F22) want to start by saying I don't really believe in traditional values, I think in relationships you should help each other out in a way that makes it fair, and is caring. Just because I am a woman, doesn't mean I am entitled to having my entire life supported. My boyfriend (M22) and I have been together for 4 years and decided to take a trip. We found really good deals and landed on a Caribbean cruise, going at the end of the week. My boyfriend initially was the one who wanted to go somewhere, and was pushing for Hawaii. I think I remember in general, I was stressed about the cost of going on any vacation, and my boyfriend said if we went to Hawaii, he would help pay. He is OBSESSED with Hawaii, it gives me major anxiety to go there (Morality OCD stuff...don't know my real stance as OCD is irrational. I do plan to work on this, but am not there yet). I said not Hawaii, plus we've been there before, and I would really love to enjoy my vacation time rather than ruminating every second of the day.

I guess helping pay went out the window because it wasn't Hawaii, and he says he would've rather gone to Mt Rainier (i feel like we genuinely compromised on this trip... and are excited about it). The issue I am having is that I think it would be really nice if he still helped me out. I feel like in a relationship, there is a balance. I am not gold-digging, and I feel like if you see your girlfriend struggling, why would you not help?? He lives at home, pre-tax makes around $3,500/month, and his only expenses are car insurance and gas. He is constantly buying hundreds of dollars of vintage clothes and shoes, which isn't a waste as he can resell and does a lot eventually, but is also buying things for this trip more like a new neck pillow when my parents have a ton...new water shoes he got for 30 but was planning to buy for 60... (i bought $9 ones). Essentially, he doesn't have to be as strategic, and can indulge a bit more than me.

I pay rent, groceries, gas, phone and car payment, tuition after scholarships (my parents helped this year because they didn't do FAFSA in time for one of them; he likes to use that as an argument when i bring this up) and have a good-paying job. After every expense, I have about $500 left over. I also work 22 hours a week while in full-time school and have a decent amount in savings, so I am not mooching off my boyfriend or being irresponsible.

Is it crazy for me to ask him to help me out? He says "you chose to move out and I chose to stay home, so having to pay for that stuff and have less money is the consequence of your choices" which I get, however, i feel like at 22 it is fine to choose that, my family is a bit chaotic and my mental health suffers at home (which he honestly disregards), and not to compare, but his at home life is SO much better. His parents are never yelling; they are calm, and they communicate... he isn't sobbing every so often because his mom is telling his 8-year-old brother he sucks and yelling at everyone...

TL;DR: My boyfriend (22M) and I (22F) are fighting over vacation money. He originally wanted Hawaii and said he’d help me pay if we went, but Hawaii triggers my OCD/anxiety, so we compromised on a cheaper Caribbean cruise. Now he says he shouldn’t have to help because the cruise wasn’t his first choice and he would’ve rather gone elsewhere.

The issue is that he lives at home, makes more than me, and only pays gas/car insurance, while I pay rent, groceries, tuition, car/phone bills, etc. I work while in full-time school and only have about $500 left after expenses. He spends a lot on clothes/reselling and trip extras, so it hurts that he says my financial stress is just “the consequence” of choosing to move out. I moved out partly because my home life seriously affected my mental health, while his home life is calm/supportive.

I’m not asking him to fully support me, but I feel like in a serious relationship there should be some teamwork/generosity when one person is in a much easier financial position. Am I being unreasonable?

EDIT: as of now he is paying for HIS half of the trip and I am paying for MINE. I am not paying for everything, just want more assistance given our financial differences. I can afford this without dying but it is making me work a lot harder than he has to. I want a little help, not my entire trip funded by him.

I want to start by saying I don't really believe in traditional values, I think in relationships you should help each other out in a way that makes it fair, and is caring. Just because I am a woman, doesn't mean I am entitled to having my entire life supported. My boyfriend (22) and I decided to take a trip. We found really good deals and landed on a Caribbean cruise, going at the end of the week. My boyfriend initially was the one who wanted to go somewhere, and was pushing for Hawaii. I think I remember in general, I was stressed about the cost of going on any vacation, and my boyfriend said if we went to Hawaii, he would help pay. He is OBSESSED with Hawaii, it gives me major anxiety to go there (Morality OCD stuff...don't know my real stance as OCD is irrational. I do plan to work on this, but am not there yet). I said not Hawaii, plus we've been there before, and I would really love to enjoy my vacation time rather than ruminating every second of the day.

I guess helping pay went out the window because it wasn't Hawaii, and he says he would've rather gone to Mt Rainier (i feel like we genuinely compromised on this trip... and are excited about it). The issue I am having is that I think it would be really nice if he still helped me out. I feel like in a relationship, there is a balance. I am not gold-digging, and I feel like if you see your girlfriend struggling, why would you not help?? He lives at home, pre-tax makes around $3,500/month, and his only expenses are car insurance and gas. He is constantly buying hundreds of dollars of vintage clothes and shoes, which isn't a waste as he can resell and does a lot eventually, but is also buying things for this trip more like a new neck pillow when my parents have a ton...new water shoes he got for 30 but was planning to buy for 60... (i bought $9 ones). Essentially, he doesn't have to be as strategic, and can indulge a bit more than me.

I pay rent, groceries, gas, phone and car payment, tuition after scholarships (my parents helped this year because they didn't do FAFSA in time for one of them; he likes to use that as an argument when i bring this up) and have a good-paying job. After every expense, I have about $500 left over. I also work 22 hours a week while in full-time school and have a decent amount in savings, so I am not mooching off my boyfriend or being irresponsible.

Is it crazy for me to ask him to help me out? He says "you chose to move out and I chose to stay home, so having to pay for that stuff and have less money is the consequence of your choices" which I get, however, i feel like at 22 it is fine to choose that, my family is a bit chaotic and my mental health suffers at home (which he honestly disregards), and not to compare, but his at home life is SO much better. His parents are never yelling; they are calm, and they communicate... he isn't sobbing every so often because his mom is telling his 8-year-old brother he sucks and yelling at everyone...