u/Independent_Use_5961

Thank you so much for posting my stuff back. I just want to say thanks for our time together and for loving me at one point when I didn't even love myself. It was all real and beautiful and I will cherish our memories together forever, the feeling of being one with another human being was truly amazing. The instant connection was unlike anything I have ever felt in my life. The singing in the car together and just laughing until we cried. You were my future, my life, my happiness, my reason, my dream. You brought sunshine and happiness to my life even in the darkest days. You felt like home and safety. All of that I hope you never doubt. I loved you more than I ever knew possible. And that's a feeling I hope I experience again one day and if not, I am content.

Everything happens for a reason and this is the push that I needed to sort my life out. I am sorry for how I have treated you.. I hope you do remember me as a kind, good person, who loved you with all that I had, with every part of me, the only way that I knew how... I lost myself in our relationship and I want to find me again. Clearing out old videos from when we first met I realised I changed a lot with you, I faded and became a horrible person, one that even I hated, and a lot of it was due to deep insecurities/trauma even I was unaware of. I know at one point you also felt safe, loved and at home with me. And I betrayed that trust. I will probably never forgive myself for that, but I will learn from it.

I loved you so much, that was never a lie, and I think you're one of the most beautiful women I've ever met inside and out but we just wanted different things in life, and are in different places in our lives like I have said before and that's okay. I should not have let it get so toxic and just let you go but I didn't know how as I felt an intense magnetic connection and attraction to you, something I had never felt with anyone else.

My mum got the all clear today which is amazing. I have no desire at all to date at the moment, and I genuinely mean that too. I am going to continue therapy and new medications. And focus on getting a dog and spending more time with my mum.

Everyday I will strive to be a better person and carry you with me in my heart. I did learn a lot from you, and although due to  my actions you turned cold during the end of our relationship I will always remember you as the shy, smiling, giggling girl I met at the pub on our first date, the one I wanted to love and protect forever. I broke you and for that I will never forgive myself. But I hope if anything you felt true love at one point, the type that not everyone is blessed enough to find. Because I did adore you and wanted everything in life with you

You won't hear from me again, I promise, I will leave you alone to heal and move on and also I need to truly heal myself, sit there in pain and reflect, not numb everything by speaking to other women and looking for quick fixes. Friendship is not something I want with you at the moment but who knows, maybe one day. I wish you and the kids so much happiness in the future. Take care

Honestly, this girl has wholeheartedly made me not believe in love. I cannot make sense of her actions. I am so confused by her... it's unreal and it's made me question if she ever really did love me. This is the woman I wanted to marry and have babies with.

So she decided to officially leave me around 7/8 months ago. I could feel her drifting away and I would beg and plead and cry, even send videos of myself crying and apologising for bollox really. When I look back I cringe lol. I tried for so long and cried myself to sleep for months, I felt like a part of me was missing and grieved the future I imagined with her.

She went full on cold, ignored me, blocked me, and that was that. I never heard from her for 5 whole months. NOTHING. Never checked on me. Never reached out. Although I was blocked on everything, I texted her every morning and night that I loved her. But eventually I left her alone and found someone else, although I felt numb and dead inside and it was way, way too soon. But in theory this girl was way better than my ex.

I then reached out and text her on my sisters phone asking how her and her children are. She then replied to my sister that she is okay and would it be weird if she messaged me and asked my sister if I would be mad. My sister said reach out.

She then saw my social media that I was with someone else, looking happy although truly I wasn't. I FELL FOR IT. She asked me to meet again, asked me "would we ever be together again?", "Did I ever really love her" I reassured her that of course I did, more than anything.

And I chose her, I lost the new girl and chose her. She then left me a week later. Looking back I think she may have been seeing someone who left her.

She has left me with 20k in credit card debt, made me feel disposable, replaceable, worthless. And I still tried. I have literally had to accept she did not love me and just loved how I made her feel and what I gave her. I chose her over anyone and made her not feel replaceable, she puts someone she just met before me.

I would have chose her over anyone and loved her so much until the end until I finally gave up and realised I cannot do this anymore and that I need to HEAL fully. I BLOCKED HER. And I WILL NOT REACH OUT OR UNBLOCK HER.