u/Inhaler100

Am i wrong for that feeling and being adamant that i am NOT A FUCKING WOMAN?

Earlier in my transition i didnt expect people to see me as a guy, i cared but i didnt have any confidence. But ive been on T for a while now and ive been out for even longer.

If strangers can gender me correctly why cant my own family? They simply dont believe me. They dont think its real, they think im confused. They think my dad messed me up.

I have been asserting more lately that im not a woman and that if they call me that i will be pissed as hell. And ive also expressed that it really SUCKS to know they view me that way and refuse to see me for myself.

Idk if im being too pushy. Am i? Im just tired of not advocating for myself. Im not gonna keep people who disagree on such a fundamental part of my identity.

So im getting peach fuzz where i never have before, and whatever was there is getting longer... still no dark hairs.

When will they darkennnnn!!!

How long did for any of yall to get ur first dark hair?

This was a strange experience. Celebrating the passing tho

So i went to this church because they have a food bank and im poor so.. need food. I was there with my sister in law, shes in her late 40s and christian. She is transphobic in a strange way. Not the typical "completely against trans people" way, more like..

I came out, started testosterone but she thinks im just "attempting to be a man" she doesnt think im ACTUALLY transgender she thinks its from trauma. She doesnt call me he/him and its NOT for lack of me asking.

So she just doesnt believe in transness at all, she thinks its all faking or trauma or trend ya know.

We are quite close otherwise.

ANYWAY

Im at this church with her, we are waiting, she notices im wearing a beanie and tries to make me take it off. I had an awful hair day so i kept it on and checked with one of the ladies that works with the program to make sure it was ok to wear my hat (it was absolutely fine she said)

And then she turns to my sister in law and says

"Atleast he asked, most men dont do that" and i was shocked that i passed because i usually dont. My sister in law was also shocked and we locked eyes and my sister in law seemed insanely uncomfortable and said

"Come on lets go" jestering towards the door.

And i was HOPING she wouldnt "correct" the church lady because that would've been a whole other can of worms.

It was so awkward because i didnt pass to everyone there, right afterwards someone called me "sis". It was made 100× worse by the fact I KNOW my sister in law was thinking "shes not a man" as she makes it a point to tell me whenever gender comes up.

But omg i passed in one of the worst places to be as a trans person

Overall not a super awful experience just slightly anxiety inducing as well as JOY it instantly lifted my mood to know i pass to SOMEONE.

How does it make u feel and why? Has it changed over time?

In the beginning it was nice to see how far ive come but now... its starting to feel icky.

Especially when i hear my old voice i feel like vomiting. How was that me??? How is that still part of me??

It almost gives me dysphoria because why was that the blueprint for my body.

It also feels extremely sad. Im starting to hate looking at those photos. I just didnt know anything back then and was so miserable and i had no clue why. I feel that again when i see the pics.

Im glad i am past that now.

I dont know if this response is a "normal" one but it definitely sucks.

So pre t i thought id be wayyyy hairier by this point (my dad is hairy) and i was so excited about it... i have more hair than pre t but most of it is light and sparse.

I also really wanted chest hair by now but i dont have it :(

Facial hair i know takes a while, but apparently so does regular body hair??

Am i just gonna be hairless forever or is there any hope? Damn