u/Insignificant5182

J’aimerais bien rencontrer des gens pour peut-être devenir amis, toutes les miennes ont déménagé… des gens dans le même cas ? Entre 24 et 30 ans

Hi everyone,

I’d really appreciate some outside perspective on my marriage. I’m currently preparing for a divorce, but I sometimes wonder if I’m overreacting or exaggerating what happened.

I’ve been with my husband for 8 years. For most of our relationship, I genuinely believed he was incredibly kind, gentle and emotionally safe, even though he had his moments. I had a very abusive childhood, so I truly felt like I had finally found someone I could trust. When I got pregnant, I seriously considered having an abortion because I wasn’t sure I was ready. He reassured me, and one of the main reasons I kept the pregnancy was because I believed he would make a wonderful father.

Everything changed after I gave birth.

I had a severe tear during delivery and an extremely difficult postpartum recovery. From the very first night in the hospital, he was almost impossible to wake up, so I ended up taking care of our newborn almost entirely by myself, despite having just given birth. Once we got home, I handled nearly every night waking while still recovering physically. When I told him I couldn’t keep going like this, he said the real problem was that my family wasn’t helping enough.

Very quickly, he started speaking aggressively to our newborn whenever she cried. He would say things like, “Shut the fuck up,” “You’re a pain in the ass,” “Are you stupid?” or “I can’t stand your voice.” At the same time, he constantly criticized the way I cared for her while often avoiding the hardest parts of parenting himself.

He also became obsessed with her weight and feeding. Even though several pediatricians, midwives and lactation consultants all agreed she was doing fine, he trusted his own internet research more than medical professionals. He monitored how I fed her, pressured me to stop breastfeeding, and gradually imposed bottle feeding until I eventually gave up breastfeeding altogether, which broke my heart.

To be fair, he wasn’t awful all the time. He handled groceries, paperwork, brought me food or little gifts, and could be caring. That’s one of the reasons I’ve struggled so much to make sense of everything.

Over time, other behaviors started worrying me too. He drove aggressively when angry (he even did it when i was pregnant in the car, i had to yell at him to stop) and could become very intimidating when raising his voice. One day, during an argument, I genuinely became afraid he might hit me, because i feel like i don’t recognize him anymore. Throughout our relationship, he did repeatedly joked that he would kill me if I ever left him. Whenever I told him those jokes made me uncomfortable, he didn’t stop.

Today, our relationship has become emotionally distant. I’ve lost trust in him because of everything that happened during the postpartum period. I’m not affectionate at all now, and he struggles with that. He alternates between sincerely apologizing for his anger and acknowledging he failed me, and having major mood swings where he becomes cold, resentful or rude because I’m no longer the loving, affectionate wife I used to be.
I feed sick whenever he tries to touch or kiss me.

I’ve already consulted a lawyer to prepare for divorce.

Based on everything I’ve described, does my decision to divorce seem reasonable to you, or does it sound like I’m overreacting ? I feel like im gonna regret leaving him, i am so scared… i dont even work, he was the breadwinner and i was a stay at home wife…