u/Intelligent_Job9144

This is a new one for me. In my past relationships or even hookups everything has been pretty clear, there's either mutual interest, or one of us isn't interested anymore, and we're both on the same page. But recently I met a woman who came off very strong, calling me a beautiful soul, angel, and also was very interested in getting to know me and things about my life. I knew immediately if it seems too good to be true it probably is, but I went along with it, hoping for that 1% chance I'd actually met someone who really saw me. We met in person and it went great, her communication remained the same after. But now it's been about a month and she kinda doesn't seem to gaf about me anymore. She still replies and wants to meet occasionally, but often doesn't speak to me for days at a time, never asks about me, and usually ignores me or gives brief conversation-ending replies whenever I try to talk about anything non-surface level. I was away for 2 weeks and wanted to tell her all about my trip, and she doesn't even know I was away. We've never had a long enough conversation for even something that basic like what I've been doing with my life to feel appropriate to share. Honestly I feel like I'm just a booty call for her, and her initial interest and curiosity about me just feels like love bombing. If she'd just said she wanted a hookup, fine, but why make me feel like she really cared? Neither of us want a committed relationship for various reasons, but I still wish we could have a slightly deeper connection like we did earlier on. Part of me wants to ask what it all means but I don't think I should have to, and I'm worried if I act too eager or anxious she'll just be done with me altogether

My ex had very quiet bpd tendencies, there were no public tantrums, threats, no life-ruining stuff. But our relationship still felt toxic and painful to me. I have 2 previous posts here you can find for more details. She just would not give me space or believe I cared about her, wanted me to call her for hours every night, would test me constantly, and invent minor crises whenever other things were going on in my life to get my full attention. Whenever things were going well, it drove her crazy and she'd just throw some off the wall shit at me. She seemed to want a toxic relationship, because that felt like love to her. Some of her bangers:

"All you do is walk away from me when I'm upset like I'm nothing, I'd rather you choke me, beat me, kill me and dump my body in the woods, at least then I'll know I meant something to you"

"Sometimes I daydream about you getting into a terrible accident and becoming paralyzed. Then no other women will want you, and I can control every aspect of your life and I'll never let anyone else see you"

The words are bad enough on their own but I have to illustrate how excited she got saying these things. Her eyes lit up, her pupils got big, her breathing got heavy, she'd give me this look I can't even describe. She'd sometimes get like this without me saying anything at all. I've never in my life felt so desired or loved, even though it was in her fucked up way. She said these types of things, but was pretty respectful during our breakup. Her illness, whatever exactly it is, was never clear enough for my decision to feel fully justified. I'm not afraid of her, though maybe I should be. I know she's out there waiting for me, and I'm always questioning my decision. She's so smart, so beautiful, all the things that felt destabilizing and stressful while we were together are fading. But I know it will all happen again, that's the only thing stopping me.

I've spent a lot of time thinking about my own height as a 5'6" guy. To be honest, I claim 5'8" and nobody has ever noticed. People I've known for years seem to have no idea how tall I am. My ex of 9 years thought I was 5'9" even though I never once used that number. I asked one of my old friends who is maybe an inch or two taller than me how tall I am and he said "you're the same as me, 5'11"!" My point being, I think everyone lies and nobody has any clue how tall anyone is.

But something I've never done has been to pay the slightest bit of attention to women's height. I've been thinking lately, and realized several of them seemed to have been frauding too. My last date's profile said 5'2", and I was a head taller than her barefoot. I went back through her photos and noticed she was wearing platform shoes in all of them. Two of my exes claimed 5'3", but were about the exact same height as me. I still don't understand their motivation, maybe they really just didn't know their actual heights.

There is a lot of talk about how height doesn't matter, but lying does (which I think is a massive lie itself, nobody would be upset if a guy showed up taller than he claimed). But after encountering women also either lying or being wrong about their heights, I'm starting to feel it's just a meaningless number and I can't imagine caring about either their heights or their "lies". The super small one I mentioned said she hated feeling disregarded and seen as childish, and I don't blame her, everyone has insecurities. I mostly feel sympathy and care for people who feel the need to appear taller rather than angry at them.

First, I see all the time people saying that short women are ironically the most likely to go after tall men. I finally need to speak up: I don't think there's any statistical evidence for this whatsoever. My guess is that the apparent contrast and irony just creates a bias in people's minds.

Then on the other side of the coin, there is the tale of the based tall girl. She's been through the same struggles as short guys, she feels ugly, she gets it, so she doesn't mind dating them! Sounds nice, and it could happen, but it's definitely not common. Again, contrast and irony. It makes an impression. But statistically, women most prefer men 8 inches taller than them. Personally I've never dated anyone taller than me. Every woman who has ever been interested in me has been average height, around 5'4", sometimes lower, and never taller than me (5'6", frauding 5'8" and nobody has ever doubted me lol. I think so many guys lie nobody really has any idea how tall people are. I've had people guess I'm 5'11" and I have to try not to laugh). And the most common sentiment I hear from tall women is that they want someone taller than themselves, not a short guy.

Bumble just has me feeling so down lately. Again and again I have matched with women who seem extremely interested at first, we talk a bit, exchange numbers, make plans. Most recently she told me I was very attractive and even sent me nudes of herself unprompted. Now for the third time I've been ghosted in the middle of a conversation after she asked me to meet over the weekend and I accepted. My message wasn't delivered so I even think she blocked me. This may be my mental illness talking but my mind always goes straight to my height. I assume some tall, better looking guy matched with them and they just dropped me. I feel confident in myself otherwise, I really don't see what's so bad about me other than being 5'6". I don't know how to improve myself besides getting taller at this point. With two surgeries I could go from 5'6" to 6' barefoot, and easily pass for 6'2" with shoes. Does this happen to 6'3" guys too?