It’s unintentional. It comes from survival context. But it is the effect.

I am speaking as a recovering people pleaser myself.

We people pleasers tend to be supporters, meaning we will drop whatever we’re doing personally to support someone else. When that happens repeatedly, it creates the belief that is our identity.

When people do offer us support we reject it as we don’t want to put anyone else out and we can do it ourselves.

Over time, we start to feel like we are being taken advantage of bc no one supports us the same way we support them.

This comes from our own doing, a symptom of our own design. We have created an understanding of ourselves in others minds that we don’t need or desire their support.

That creation IS unintentional manipulation. Our actions have augmented how others see us, our worth, and how we show up. So when we ultimately get mad and blow up, we look crazy, and normally point the finger at them being the manipulators.

This exact situation happened to me many times over my life to this point. I didn’t figure it out until nearly 10 years into my marriage. Once I noticed it and began shifting it, it created so much tension and turmoil.

Ultimately this is the dance that a Supporter and a Controller experience in any dynamic.

It’s a tough realization, especially when my intention was actually to love big. This epiphany drastically altered the course of my life and I am so grateful to see how I was unintentionally a part of the problem.

Since as early as I can remember, I've been drawn to holding opposing beliefs at the same time. There's something about the tension between two seemingly contradictory ideas that has always fascinated me. I love paradox.

I remember thinking as a kid: Nothing matters, and everything matters. The beginning is the end. The end is the beginning.

Over the years, I've come to see beliefs as constructs. And constructs are tools. Like any tool, they can be picked up, used, modified, and put down.

I think that's why paradox has always felt so natural to me. My relationship with belief has never been rooted in certainty; it has been rooted in curiosity and awe.

I like to think of beliefs, perspectives, and ideas as lenses to peer through. Every lens changes how reality appears. When I hold several lenses at once, something interesting happens: they don't simply compete with one another. They interact. My experience of reality shifts into something that feels less like choosing a single truth and more like looking through a kaleidoscope.

I suspect we all do this to some degree. The difference is that many of us only recognize the lenses we consciously identify with. We often overlook the assumptions, frameworks, and perspectives we're looking through simply because they've become invisible.

Does anyone else experience beliefs this way? Or does this sound completely foreign to you?

This question has been stuck in my head.

When my 8-year-old tells his sister, "You can't play with that, it's mine," I initially feel like he's talking about ownership.

It strikes a chord with me, "Why is he is hell bent on claiming ownership?"

The more I watched, the more I realized he wasn't protecting the toy. He was protecting against the possibility of not getting it back. In other words... He wasn't attached to ownership. He was afraid of scarcity.

That made me wonder... If we genuinely believed there was enough, would the concept of ownership even exist?

Not in the legal sense, in the psychological sense. Would we feel the need to say: "This is mine." Or would things simply move through people as someone else needed them?

I'm not making a political statement. I'm asking a philosophical one.

Is ownership fundamental to reality?

Or is it just a story we created to cope with the fear that there won't be enough?

I'm genuinely curious what people think.

Spiritual Nihilism is a non-dual philosophical framework that embraces two seemingly opposing understandings of existence in order to transform one's relationship with meaning, purpose, and identity.

The first philosophy is Nihilism; the recognition that life possesses no inherent, objective, or predetermined meaning. In my experience, nihilism often emerges after the collapse of inherited belief systems: religion, culture, family values, identity, or any external framework that once defined who we believed ourselves to be. While some experience this realization as liberating, others become trapped within it, experiencing despair, apathy, or existential paralysis.

I believe this suffering is often the result of what I call Spiritual Codependence, which is the tendency to outsource one's sense of meaning, purpose, morality, or identity to an external authority rather than consciously participating in its creation. Human beings appear deeply driven to seek meaning. When previously inherited systems collapse, many discover they never learned how to create meaning for themselves.

Nihilism, however, is not the destination. It is the clearing, the moment the canvas is wiped clean.

The second philosophy is Conscious Authorship. 

Once we accept that the Universe does not arrive with predetermined meaning, an entirely different question emerges:

If meaning isn't discovered... who creates it?

Spiritual Nihilism proposes that meaning is not something hidden within the universe waiting to be uncovered. Instead, meaning is something consciously created through our participation in life itself. Whether expressed through spirituality, relationships, creativity, magic, service, science, exploration, family, or personal values, meaning becomes an act of authorship rather than an act of discovery.

From a non-dual perspective, we are not separate observers searching for purpose somewhere "out there." We are participants within the very process through which meaning emerges. Reality becomes less like a completed book waiting to be interpreted and more like a blank sheet of paper inviting creation.

Where nihilism sees emptiness, Spiritual Nihilism sees possibility. A blank page can be terrifying to someone waiting for instructions. It can also be the greatest freedom imaginable for someone willing to write. Spiritual Nihilism therefore does not reject nihilism… it completes it.

It accepts that the universe has no objective, predetermined purpose while simultaneously recognizing the extraordinary freedom that this realization provides. If nothing possesses inherent meaning, then meaning becomes one of humanity's greatest creative capacities.

The absence of predetermined purpose is not evidence that life is empty.

It is the invitation to become its author.

Welcome to r/SpiritualNihilism

Welcome!

Whether you found this community by accident or came here searching for something specific, I'm glad you're here.

r/SpiritualNihilism is a place for people who enjoy questioning assumptions, exploring different perspectives, and staying open to changing their minds.

Spiritual Nihilism isn't about believing that life is meaningless. It's about becoming less attached to the idea that there has to be one absolute truth, one perfect belief system, or one correct way to see reality.

Whether you're religious, atheist, agnostic, spiritual, skeptical, or somewhere in between, you're welcome here. You don't have to agree with everyone here—in fact, you probably won't. That's part of the point.

What to Post

Share anything that encourages thoughtful exploration or genuine discussion.

Some ideas include:

• Philosophical questions or thought experiments
• Insights from psychology, spirituality, or consciousness
• Personal experiences that changed your perspective
• Books, articles, podcasts, or videos worth discussing
• Questions about meaning, identity, or belief
• Reflections on letting go of old worldviews
• Original ideas, theories, or frameworks you've been developing

If it makes people think, reflect, or see something from a new perspective, it probably belongs here.

Community Vibe

This community is built on curiosity, humility, and respectful discussion.

We're not here to convert people or prove who's right. We're here to explore ideas together, challenge our assumptions, and learn from one another.

A few things we value:

• Curiosity over certainty
• Humility over ego
• Discussion over debate
• Exploration over dogma
• Learning over being right

Challenge ideas, not people. Assume good intentions. Stay open to changing your mind.

How to Get Started

• Introduce yourself in the comments below.
• Share a question you've been thinking about lately.
• Join a discussion that interests you.
• Invite someone who enjoys deep conversations.
• Interested in helping build the community? We're always open to adding moderators as we grow.

Thank you for being part of the very beginning of this community. Every conversation helps shape what r/SpiritualNihilism becomes.

Leave with fewer certainties and better questions.