u/InvestigatorUpper350

I just got into my first relationship with a woman around last week, but why has it been the best week of my entire life? I don’t even think it’s been a week, but I’ve never experienced this with a man.

She asked me out with flowers at the local park, and I mentioned in my previous post that there was swans there and everything and it was just so romantic. She is also really into fashion and will make sure we’re always wearing coordinated outfits when together. We’ve been on three dates so far and she loves making sure we’re wearing flattering colours and complimentary outfits. She’ll always adjust my necklace or straighten a crinkle in my dress absentmindedly and it gives me butterflies all the time.

She loves to straighten my hair for me, and always insists that she should do it because she knows I always rush it. She also put her hand on my lower back when guiding me through busy crowds. She’s so efficient and also so clean. I genuinely don’t know what I was doing dating men.

On our second date she did that thing where she brushed her ankle up against my calf under the table and acted like she wasn’t making me clinically insane. We went on a picnic yesterday and she wore the most beautiful yellow sundress. She’s a pretty serious person, but when she’s relaxed, she’s so beautiful. I love making her laugh, it honestly feels like a reward. She seemed so carefree and loose and it made me like her even more. Everytime she pushed her sunglasses up into her hair my heart actually skipped a beat. Everything about her is perfect.

Just wanted to share that I’m in gay heaven.

I just had the gayest weekend of my life. There’s a girl I’ve been “friends” with for about a year and a half now, and last week she invited me to a music festival for my birthday. I’ve had a crush on her for a long time and we were always flirting with each other but like in an extremely subtle way.

I wasn’t sure if she also liked girls or not, because I always saw lot of guys try to ask her out etc. turns out she’s a lesbian! 😅

We were at a cafe when she told me she bought the tickets and even booked a hotel room for us near by. I told her “this is so couple coded” as a joke, and she literally goes “good thing we’re just friends then.” And she was like smiling into her coffee when she said it, it actually drove me insane bc it was just so hot.

Anyway long story short we kissed on the second night in the hotel pool/spa thing and then I was worried it would get really awkward after that because we sort of just went to bed when we got back to the room. But yesterday she asked me out at the local park with flowers and all, it was so romantic, there were swans there and everything! ofc I said yes but I’m also so nervous.

I’m not out to anyone yet. I’ve literally told all my friends and family I’m straight, and am only out to my closest friend. I’m so worried no one will accept me, and that my family will be so disappointed in me. I know a time will come where I’ll have to tell them, and I dont want her to be a labelled as a “friend,” to my family because it’s not fair to her either.

I know I want this, but I’m also embarassed in a way? Not of us but just of the fact everyone kinda knows I’m bi, but I had to strictly convince them I’m straight. I’m not scared of strangers seeing us in public, I just know my family will have a visceral reaction. My mom is really homophobic and has always told me “I’m your mother, and I would accept you if you were gay, but I raised you and I know you’re not.” She’s also really catholic which just doesn’t help, and also told me that she’d be disappointed if I married a woman…

I’m also a POC, and that just make things worse because my community would never accept me I’d be ridiculed by literally everyone. I know I dont need to post it on social media, it can be private but not a secret, but Im so worried people will find out and destroy what I’ve been wanting by for years.

I am just so interested in how mothers are so innately and biologically just wired into the role of “mom” the second they have their child.

I was just dming a SAHM influencer, and she was saying she generally is the default parent, like most moms. Even though she has a full time job she’s the one that picks them up from school when they’re sick and helps with homework etc. she was going away for a trip this weekend, and had pre cooked some meals for her husband to give the kids and wrote a list of everything that needed to be done.

That is just genuinely absurd to me. She told me he’s completely capable of doing it himself, but his brain just isn’t wired the way hers is. She says mothers just innately remember every detail of what needs to be done for their child everyday, and it just makes her feel more at ease having the list there etc.

Honestly it sounds like a night mare to me. She says it’s what works for her. She says it’s not about feeling guilty if she doesn’t do it, but more so comfortable. And it’s just “being a mother. It’s amazing! We do a bit of everything. And so does my husband.”

But I am just so deeply unconvinced by it. Is this the notion that most mothers have? I have no interest in ever having kids, or even getting married. But this topic is just fascinating to me.

Im writing this at 1am because I think I had a revelation I was bisexual for the second time.

I had come out as bi to my friends about two years ago, but then got rejected by my crush who was a girl, cried for a week, and then got embarrassed and told everyone it was a phase and now I’ve been “straight” again for two years.

It’s just easier that way, I feel like being bi puts so much pressure on you to date women, and if you only date men people assume you’re faking it. I also hate not having a label. But no one around me believes I’m 100% straight.

I’ve been reading a lot of wlw romance, and realised I’m probably bi (as if me having a crush on my female teachers at the age of 12 wasn’t enough of a sign) And I just cried about it for 10 minutes. I cry out of fear that no one will accept me. I came out to my mom as bi two years ago because I was crying over getting rejected by the girl I asked out, and she told me to pray to Jesus and ask him to show me the right way. (I’m atheist) She also told me that she raised me and would fully accept me if I liked women, but as my mother she knows me well enough and can see that I’m not. She also mentioned she’d be really disappointed if I married a woman.

That conversation has always made me so unsure about if I am really bi or just doing it to be different.

It just carries so much shame in me. Im so embarrassed to be bi as a POC especially because I would be ridiculed by the entire community. I know my friends would never judge me, but I hate the attention that comes with dating the same gender, I wish people would just treat it the same way as any heterosexual relationship.

All of my friends are in relationships or are in the dating pool, but I just can’t seem to get interested in men at all. Of course I find men attractive, and they’re are plenty of good looking men in college, but I just feel so unattracted to the lack of drive so many men have. A lot of the men around me are super unambitious, all they do is vape, drink, go out for parties all night and want to have sex. They can’t drive, are unemployed, on the verge of dropping out. It’s a complete nightmare to me. Yet all my friends have no problem dating these guys and tell me my standards are impossibly high.

I feel so uninterested in men sexually as well, they all just feel so slimy and like they’re trying to maul you. I’ve also noticed whenever I’ve given a handjob or blowjob i genuinely cannot wait for it to be over. It is the most boring couple minutes of my life, and all I’m thinking about is if I look sexy to him, and the fact my hand hurts. And I never let guys return the favour. I always reject them before it can go any further

I love knowing guys find me attractive or have crushes on me, but I never have any interest in going out with them or reciprocating. I guess I just like being admired more than admiring others. I have never really had an interest in talking to men romantically growing up but I’ve always loved being friends with men so much, I think they’re so much fun and I love flirting with them, but never want anything actually serious.

As I get older my friends are starting to question if I’m a lesbian. And I know I’m not, I know I am attracted to men, but I also feel uninspired by any of the men around me, and if there is a man I really look up to and admire, I feel like I just want him to like me back and admire my work ethic and drive, but I wouldn’t actually want to date him. It’s really strange, sometimes I wonder if I’m attracted to men or just like their validation.

Is this normal?

I keep studying flashcards, especially for business and economics, because I feel I still don’t know the key words to put in definitions etc. but then I feel guilt for not doing exam papers because I feel like I’m just avoiding them.

I tried to sit down to do an ABQ and I genuinely knew nothing, could only find the links in the texts. It was a nightmare and made me realise how much I don’t know.

Should I study the material and then do exam questions on the topic? Or should I just go straight in at this time of year and then learn the things I didn’t get right as I go. And how often should I look over the things I got wrong? It feels daunting knowing “nothing” in May of 6th year especially when I feel like I’ve been studying so hard.

I got 542 points in my mock, to get into UCD I need 543, so I feel like it’s a given that I’ll be moving to Dublin this summer for college (I live in Cork)

However my top choice is TCD for 565 points or my second choice in TCD is 556 points. I feel like realistically I will make that jump, because people always say it’s just a given. My religion teacher was saying you’re practically guaranteed to jump 30 more points in the actual thing.

It almost feels impossible to get less in the mock. I didn’t look at mock leaks but I’m worried my teachers gave too many hints about what was coming up and that really boosted my points in the mocks.

It made me wonder if anyone has actually gotten less in the lc compared to the mocks, if you did, I’d be interested to know why in hindsight, and any advice you have!