Movies and tv shows such as altered carbon have given Berlin this cyberpunk style of modernism. And its very fitting imo. Is this how it is in real life?

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Let me break something down for the mixed people who grew up in the suburbs with their two parent households.

In the hood, I found my people. The other mutts who got it. Too black for the white kids at school, too white for the black kids on the block. We were our own tribe. We understood the code switching, the identity whiplash, the way you had to perform blackness differently depending on which side of the neighborhood you were walking through.

But then you leave. You get out. And suddenly you're hit with a whole new nightmare.

Now you're too black for white people AND too black for OTHER MIXED PEOPLE.

The mixed kids who grew up outside the hood, The ones with the white moms who took them rock climbing and had "the talk" about racism over a warm family dinner? They don't know a damn thing. They grew up with both parents in the house. Never had to duck behind a car while shots rang out. Never had to figure out how to eat when there was nothing in the fridge except baking soda and condiments.

These suburban mixed people can identify their emotions. They got their first car bought for them. Sweet 16 BMWs while I was hopping buses and hoping I didn't get jumped for my android phone

And dating them? Forget it. Try explaining to some mixed woman who grew up in a gated community why you flinch when you hear loud pops. Why you can't just "talk it out" when someone disrespects you. Why your first instinct is always survival mode. She looks at you like you're broken. Like you're "aggressive" or "belligerent." But never fully human

She doesn't understand the fire. She's never had to burn just to stay warm. She thinks struggle is when her parents didn't understand her choice of major. Meanwhile I watched my mom work two jobs and still come up short.

They never had to navigate gang politics while being neither black enough nor white enough. Never had to prove your blackness while simultaneously being the "white boy" in your own family.

The hood mixed kids are a different breed. We had to be. We are a true combination of two cultures with two separate struggles

Moved out of my old city (hood) into a a poor yt neighborhood for a year because I had a plan. Dating there was hard as a I hardly ever saw other mixed people and only saw about 3 mixed women when I was there. Year later, plan successful. I've now moved to where I really wanted to be. But I'm a mixed race dude from the hood. Mixed people here are more yt leaning. They dont view the world like how I view it. And for the first time in my life I feel disconnected from other mixed people. I struggle with this good guy sh*t. Too many neutral things happen here but my mind thinks its an attack. I clearly still have some old wiring from the hood that I just cant seem to leave it behind. I'm tall and handsome but I'm also belligerent which makes it hard for me to integrate into this society. Because I'm so worried about my life mission, it dont bother me so much but it can surely get lonely. And when i talk to them, its clear we're not the same, and i feel even more alone. As much as I hated the hood, it feels comfortable because its what I know. I feel more anxious here than I did in the hood. If a girl dont text back randomly, I can just assume shes cheating. If she randomly decides to text back, I can just assume she wants to set me up. If a dude stares at me, I can assume he wants a fight, but here he's just zoning out. And many other examples. Its hard doing this good guy sh*t when i'm constantly being bothered. And now that I'm definitely in a much safer environment, I just cant stand it. Maybe I just like problems. Or maybe i just cant stand to be somewhere so happy and safe. I never knew this type of living. Part of me wants to go back, the other part of me knows its just another challenge I need to overcome.