u/J_S_M_K

I am not OOP. The OOPs are u/ICryAfterSexAMA on r/TwoHotTakes and u/Dizzy_Soup4866 on r/AmItheAsshole

Original by u/ICryAfterSexAMA- May 11, 2026

I (39M) have been married to my husband, Dean, (40M) for almost 9 years. I have a friend, Nate (38M), that I met in grad school and we have been close until about 5 years ago. For the past 5 years we have remained in touch but our meetings have been reduced to every 3-4 months despite living in the same city. I have a child, Lucy (7F), which contributed to our distance as kids take priority.

Nate got married 2 weeks ago to a woman, Lisa (I don't know how old but probably our age? F). I have never met this woman prior to the wedding and only heard about her with discussions with Nate. Nate and my husband have met a lot, as Dean usually comes to our dinners and they interact well as far as I could tell. Nate and Lisa are quite religious, but Nate has never had an issue that I'm married to a man. No microaggressions, nothing. He also told me that Lisa has no issue either.

However, when the RSVPs went out about 2 months ago, it was addressed only to me which I thought was odd. I didn't think it was weird that my daughter wasn't invited, however, I thought it weird that Dean wasn't. I asked Nate and he stated it was a very small ceremony so they were not doing +1s except those in the wedding party. I accepted this and spoke with Dean. Dean encouraged me to go to help preserve my friendship with Nate (and also because he doesn't like large events). My husband is Deaf and large groups of people make him extra anxious. He doesn't lip read well (as, contrary to popular belief, most Deaf don't) and to my knowledge no one else at the wedding knows ASL so he would have to rely on me or technology to communicate.

All was well and good until the wedding 2 weeks ago. I get to the wedding which was at a very large church and filled with people. Not just filled, packed. And almost everyone had their spouses attending, including 2 classmates of ours from grad school who I know Nate probably hasn't spoken to more than once or twice since Grad school. I asked one of my friends, Marty (45M) who said that his invitation said "and guest". I then noticed something else, every other couple was heterosexual. There were no LGBT couples at all. I was upset, but kept it to myself until this past weekend when I saw Lisa at another friend's party.

I asked Lisa if there was a reason why my husband wasn't invited and why I was told there were no +1s if every other attendee had "and guest" on their RSVP and numerous couples were invited. In fact, multiple kids were there as well much younger than my daughter Lucy. I asked if these had something to do with the fact we were an LGBT couple. Lisa acted offended at this accusation and stated that was not why Dean or Lucy was invited. I asked why because, at first glance, this appears to be quite offensive and asked why my husband and daughter were singled out.

Lisa explained that our family wouldn't fit the "aesthetic". My blood boils as I even write this. I asked why my family wouldn't match an aesthetic on a day meant to celebrate love and stated that I felt like my family was singled out for being LGBT. Lisa explained to me that we weren't singled out because we were LGBT but because Dean and Lucy are Deaf. I asked what this meant, and Lisa explained that they felt having an ASL interpreter up front would take away from the aesthetic of the ceremony and distract the guest. She also said that it would be "awkward" for everyone involved because no one knows ASL and she commented and I quote here "plus, it would look very weird if people saw you and Dean throwing your hand signals to each other".

I thanks Lisa for her honesty and said my husband is not an "aesthetic choice" and that our communication is not "throwing hand signals". I told Lisa that I wish her the best, but that her insensitivity is doesn't match my aesthetic and left the conversation.

I called Nate this morning to discuss my conversation after I cooled down and Nate explained that it was Lisa's big day so she was entitled to make those decision regardless of whether or not he agreed with it. I asked Nate, "Well, do you agree with that decision?" and Nate explained that it would have been expensive to hire an interpreter and that it might have been awkward for other guests and for Dean if he can't communicate. I stated Dean can communicate just fine, he has a FUCKING PhD IN ECONOMICS. Nate only replied "you know what I mean". I said "No, I don't". I told Nate I wasn't interested in continuing this friendship if he doesn't show me the same respect that I show him.

I told Dean what happened and Dean told me I shouldn't have said anything and that it wasn't worth losing a friendship over attending a wedding he didn't want to go to anyway. I stated it was more about the disrespect for my family. I spoke to multiple friends and they agree that Nate was wrong and that he was deflecting the decision to Lisa so he didn't look bad.

I guess my question is this, would you end a friendship over this? I am worried that I may have gotten heated and picked a fight/ended a friendship with Nate because of a decision his wife made. Dean insists he doesn't care and "would have tried to find a reason to get out of anyway". For background, my husband is passive to a fault. I joke that someone could punch him and he would still offer to drive them home after. I admit part of my post is also just to vent because I'm filled with such rage and I know if I posted this my personal social media it would cause absolute chaos.

Bridezilla's side by u/Dizzy_Soup4866, May 12 2026

Long time lurker, first time poster. Real names because I have nothing to fucking hide.

I (35F) just got married to my husband, Marc (38M), a couple weeks ago. Marc went to grad school with Liam (38M). During this time, Liam got married to Max (40M). Max is deaf but Liam communicates with sign language as Max can't speak.

Marc and Liam were close in grad school but grew apart after graduating which Marc attributed to Liam and Max having a child and Liam being flakey.

I met Marc, the love my life, 3 years ago but never once met Liam because Liam made no attempt to meet me. When we were planning our wedding Marc demanded Liam and Max be invited. This was late into our planning process and many invitations had already been sent out. So we agreed to only include Liam.

Before you accuse me of being "homophobic" I had gay friends in college. This has nothing to do with Liam and Max being gay. However, because Max can't hear he would need extra accommodations. For example, an interpreter during all points of the wedding and reception. Plus, like, how are other guests supposed to talk with him? No one else knows the signs, so I am sure it would be weird for everyone involved. I don't know how much an interpreter would cost but we were already having to make cuts to decoration and even delayed our honeymoon so my wedding could be perfect. Becuase of this, we didn't allow Liam to bring any guests. Liam RSVP'd and months go by without him questioning anything about this so I assumed he understood why.

During the wedding, my maid of honor pulled me aside to tell me that Liam was asking guests if they were allowed to bring guests and questioned why they thought his invitation didn't include a +1.

I saw Liam recently at my girlfriends birthday party and he confronted me about why Max wasn't invited. He accused me of being homophobic. I explained that it wasn't because they were gays but Max required significant accommodations that we would not be able to provide. How will he know when to stand or where to go? Also, it would be just unfortunate if he couldn't dance because he can't hear the music.

Liam got angry and accused me of being "insensitive" and walked away. He wouldn't look at me the rest of the night and honestly, I didn't care. I don't know him from Adam, but I won't have someone accuse me of being insensitive or trying to take away my perfect wedding. Marc called Liam and confronted him about how inappropriate it. Marc had my back and reinforced that we couldn't make special accommodations for everything and everyone but Liam refused to hear it.

Marc told me that I am not wrong, but I could have worded my concerns better. My MoH on the other hand said I was correct in what I did and showed compassion by being honest rather than beating around the bush and that Liam and Max need to stop thinking the world caters to them.

Bridezilla commented on the original post, with OOP making two update comments as well.

Bridezilla comment:

> What the actual fuck, Liam. Did you really think making a post on reddit about this was appropriate?

> This is "Lisa" and it's important that you all hear both sides of this story.

> First, fuck you Liam. "Nate" wasn't going to invite you but I encouraged him to because you complained about losing touch with people but that's because you and "Dean" don't put any effort into staying connected.

> Secondly, we are very tolerant and I object to the criticism I see here that we excluded them because they are gays. I have plenty of gay friends.

> Third, you don't have the right to judge decisions o make about MY day. This isn't your decision about who I do or don't include. Our wedding had over 100 people, I know others didn't bring their spouses or kids, but we can't make accommodations for everything and everyone. I am sorry you are jealous that your wedding only had 20 people.

> Oh also, do you remember how you asked multiple people at the wedding if they had a guest invited on their RSVP? That's not only inappropriate it's fucking weird. You asked at least 5 people who told me you were trying to start drama wondering why Dean wasn't invited.

> I'm sorry Dean is deaf (not a proper noun, btw, so don't capitalize it) but the world doesn't revolve around him or you. Interpreters are expensive and having them next to the priest or us staying our vows would absolutely distract from MY DAY.

> You all are so quick to pass judgement, but it was my wedding and it was a beautiful occasion. I'm sorry we can't bend over backwards for a couple that makes an effort to reach out only on season changes.

> One last thing, you know why you never met me prior to the wedding? Because you never invited ME. I'm not accusing you of excluding me because I am a woman.

> Fuck you Liam, don't contact us again.

OOP comment 1

> Hello everyone,

> I woke up and read through so many comments and am so thankful to hear everyone's thoughts. I feel so validated. While I am still angry, I feel much, much better.

> One thing I didn't think about until now is that Nate and Dean have know each other for almost as long as I've been together with Dean (10 years) and Nate has never learned a single sign. He doesn't even sign Thank You or How Are You? Both of which are simple signs to learn. I now think that he put 0 effort into our friendship so I don't feel so bad about not reaching out as much as I could have.

> As far as posting this to my social media, I will not because my husband doesn't like high visibility and would not want to be involved in drama of any kind. I am also not sure he wants to played off as a victim.

> I also see that Lisa decided to comment on this post. I have nothing to say to you other than I truly wish you two the best. I hope others show you compassion and love that you denied my family.

OOP comment 2:

> Hello again!

> I have received so many kind and thoughtful messages both on this post and through DMs and wanted to thank everyone. I no longer feel anger, just pity towards Lisa.

> I want to answer a few questions people have messaged me:

> I am aware that Lisa has posted her side of the story, I haven't read the post and I won't because while I clearly live rent free in her head, she won't live rent free in mine.

> If my husband were to have attended, while an interpreter would be nice, it's not needed as I am fluent in ASL and am completely capable of interpreting for him.

> I will say, I did ask people at the wedding if other people had a +1. I do not think I was aggressive but it may not have been the best timing for me and I realize that. That was a mistake on my part and I will own up to it.

> I am also aware that Lisa has given everyone's real names except her own. I will not give her real name. Also, one person sent me a linkedin profile asking if it was my husband. It wasn't, thank God, but please please please, stop trying to find our actual profiles. I've debated deleting this post but unfortunately our real names are on Lisa's. Thank God my daughter was left out, probably because she doesn't know her name.

> Thanks again for all the kind comments.

Again, I am not OOP.

Neither has won anything of significance in 30 years and is known for struggling in big games. Penn State won National Championships in 1982 and 1986, while BYU won a National Championship in 1984. Neither has a decent uniform and both are very traditionalist brands. Both are affiliated with institutions with problematic histories in regards to certain issues (I'm not getting into this any further). Both are in small communities for their state (Provo, UT; State College, PA). Both have changed conference affiliations since their last National Championship. Yes obviously one is a Mormon school and one is a state school and Penn State has a longer history of success (though I looked up BYU's history and it's more impressive than it looks at surface glance).

While neither has sniffed a National Championship recently, Penn State had a nice playoff run two years ago, and BYU just missed a playoff spot this year. The main difference between BYU and Penn State regards the consumption of Crumbl Cookies. Mormons have a lot of dietary restrictions, and Crumbl Cookies just perfectly hit the intersection of delicious and approved by the Book of Mormon. Meanwhile, Penn State fans only have cheap beer to cheer themselves up after losing a big game.

Now that James Franklin is at Virginia Tech, the Crumbl Cookies come to him. With his new access to Crumbl Cookies, James Franklin will be able to win big games.

Anyhow, I'm sure this is just a generalization and there's plenty Penn State and BYU fans but still, just an interesting observation. Best of luck Penn State bros, and please consider, maybe you should give Crumbl Cookies a try before a Big Game. And BYU bros, may the Holy War be ever in your favor, and I look forward to seeing where the Crumbl Cookie can take you. Everyone have a nice rest of your week and stay positive.

​

So, in the tv series it's implied that Rachel and Tobias go on dates as hawks. If they were to \*ahem\* do sexy things... as hawks... and she got pregnant, how would morphing affect that?

(I am dying a little bit inside as I write this but if I don't ask it will bother me forever)