AITAH for telling my mom that my grandmother raised me instead of her?
I want to give a little background first because I think it’s important for understanding the situation.
My mom was in an abusive relationship with my dad when I was younger and after we left, things between us were never really the same. She started over with a new family and I kind of faded into the background emotionally. I have four younger siblings, so obviously she had a lot on her plate, but me and her were never really close.
Most things I learned growing up came from my grandma. She taught me how to cook, bake, clean, basic girlhood things, emotional things, and she was also the only person in the house who genuinely checked in on me emotionally. Our household has always been chaotic and she was the person who made me feel seen.
So yesterday I was in the kitchen making banana bread while my mom was cooking and somehow we got onto the topic of growing up and moving away. My mom jokingly/playfully said something like, ‘’Well, I raised you, right?’’ and I replied, ‘’You didn’t raise me. Grandma raised me.’’ She got really offended immediately and started calling me ungrateful. I didn’t want to escalate it because both of us can get reactive, so I stopped engaging and kept doing my thing.
Then she suddenly asked me, ‘’As a mother, what do you even feel around me? Mothers are supposed to make their children feel safe, loved, protected. What do you feel around me?’’The way she asked it honestly made me feel like I couldn’t answer negatively without causing a huge fight, so I froze. I genuinely didn’t know what to say. I finally just said ‘’I don’t know ‘’
She got really hurt and angry after that. I eventually admitted that I don’t think she’s done the greatest job as a mother and she started saying I’m ungrateful and that I basically don’t love her. The thing is, I DO love my mom. I know she went through a lot and I know being a mother to five kids isn’t easy. But at the same time, I don’t feel emotionally connected to her the way I do to my grandma, because my grandma was the person who emotionally raised me.
Now the argument is still ongoing and she’s telling people that I basically said I don’t love her….which isn’t true at all.
AITAH??