u/Jess_the_bestt

I thought the defense had been doing a good job and had a really solid case for a while now, the DA has been really awkward/clumsy at times but I have been keeping an open mind to any conclusions. Yesterday I thought defense had it 100% until they brought up Dr Zezeil.. we all know his name has been mentioned a few times and confirmed on stand that he’s a friend of Reddingtons, something about the way he looked at the jury while talking took my trust away. It felt like he was another defense attorney, a mouth piece for Reddington to testify on the stand to some lies by omission and very corrupt plan. I wasn’t sure the da would be able to catch him in anything because he’d been so prepped but I think with their line of questioning it was pretty clear cut he has a bias and it’s a favor to a friend. Hell I saw Reddington is friends with LCs dad (saw mention could be a rumor) and if that’s true I’m starting to feel sick about the whole thing like it feels conspiracy level fucked with all these people having connections, everyone forgiving her, and spinning a story in the works for 3 years.. that’s the energy I’m feeling

Then to seal the deal for me? The moment it felt like I’d been fooled? Lindsay’s body language and face today, when she looked into the camera my stomach dropped.. the way she was looking at the DA, the smirking confidence, the wide eyes.. nothing about this woman read as it had before, before she looked anxious and over medicated with the fluttering eyes and nervous hands. Hearing the da mentioning the birthdays.. and I thought well maybe her parents are bringing food and company to honor the kids those days.. then they mentioned the anniversary of deaths.. another wave of nausea for me. The “my trauma”. I feel like I’ve been fucking fooled, like I saw a mask slip..

I think there’s a huge misunderstanding of what psychosis is and that there’s one clear picture. Not every experience is the same, it’s not always the same severity and it can look different throughout the day of a person. I’m not saying Lindsay definitively had psychosis but the things that have been used to dismiss it feel rooted in misconceptions.

I had drug induced psychosis once for a month or so and I was able to function normally, in fact I had normal thoughts all throughout the day but it was at night that I would have auditory and visual hallucinations. The voices were as simple as calling my name. The visual hallucinations were just different tragedies playing out in front of me that I’d convinced myself were happening somewhere in our world or another dimension and that these people being hurt were basically telepathically communicating with me crying out for help. I never had a full mental breakdown, I started sleeping with the light on and eventually started sleeping in the living room which did help(makes me think of Lindsay sleeping in basement actually) I didn’t tell anyone around me, I was a teenager and lived with my parents they had no idea. I was googling things like schizophrenia and I felt scared to tell my parents because I knew I wasn’t based in reality but in the moment there was a pull to believe it. I was able to go to school, socialize, live a normal life. I confided in a few close friends but didn’t go into detail. Even when it was happening it was all in my head, if someone walked up to me I likely would’ve snapped back to reality and if they saw me without my knowledge honestly I’d look pretty normal other than physically recoiling sometimes.

Some things about Lindsay’s case do make me pause and consider psychosis. The Google searches in the days leading up remind me of my own Google searches desperate to find an answer but not to have others judge me. Sleeping in the basement and the insomnia, I wonder if she was ruminating in these thoughts at night. She might’ve hidden things from her providers but that doesn’t mean she couldn’t have had these thoughts. She only tried to tell her closest loved ones and was vague, that usually comes from a place of fear or shame. Also something I’ve never seen others talk about is the timeframe this happened.. December and January are notorious for “seasonal depression”, something changed with LC after the holidays from the timeline we are seeing she got really quiet and had shifted to looking “better” but also talking about numbness. When I’m struggling with mental health something about the holidays and after feels surreal. Something about it getting dark at 5 feels surreal, which again hasn’t been talked about in regards to LC. The fact that it got dark at 5ish and she was alone with kids as it got dark could also be a factor to that rapid decline. Am I saying this is what happened? No. But I am saying I could still see this happening.

Hi! I’ve been going through a cycle for freaking months and I’ve done a lot of harm reduction past 2 months where I get so sooo close to have 0 open wounds just fresh scars but then I’ll have a minor setback (but again, plus side harm reduction right?) anywhoo. My last setback was a bit more widespread than usual, I am literally just over the bandaids and wound care.. but if I left my face bare without those I would be highly self conscious and feel shame which would just trigger the cycle further.. so I’m wondering can I just put makeup on it? Can a scab form with makeup and be okay? Not asking if it’s the best way to heal because I know it isn’t.. but is it possible to heal under makeup? 😭

Insurance won’t cover Xywav unless I’ve tried Xyrem first. I’ve been on Xyrem a few months and right now I have been awful about my sleep habits. I have 0 impulse control when I take it I wake an hour later and no matter how much I tell myself when I’m awake not to do this.. well I end up raiding the kitchen for all the dopamine snacks. I’m wondering if it’s better on Xywav or if both have that same level of insatiable hunger.

What sucks is I was finally losing weight after starting Wellbutrin recently as well and I had started on low dose Xywav (before insurance finally told me why they weren’t accepting) xywav on a lower starting doses was going better than Xyrem on my titration up. I didn’t snack at all and got good sleep, was starting to erase the need for naps. But that could be just because it was a lower dose.. and then that also begs the question, would this be a reason to lower the dose?

Sorry for the ramble I feel like my post is all over the place!

I was wondering why I felt like Scooby Doo in the back of my mind and I remembered Scooby Doo Zombie island. Looking up the plot because it’s been a hot minute and we got a few things.

1. Island
2. Silly spooky
3. Center around people that work on the island and invite new visitors
4. Leader of Scooby gang / widows gang don’t think the island is *really* haunted
   >!5. Spooky zombie/ghost show them yeah it’s real and they drop video camera!<
   >!6. Secret tunnel!<
   >!7. Reveal that island residents have a secret tying back to their settlers, and that they have to preform rituals because of a curse that keeps the island/gods satisfied!<

Thought I’d share the comparisons here 🫶

I went into the show completely blind, I just knew there was a quirky awkward tone. I had no idea it would actually have me reflecting on myself and growing my own confidence. I’m 31 years old, I’m autistic/adhd, anxious, and self conscious often especially growing up skinny and being overweight as an adult. I’m weird and awkward plenty but I can also be funny and charming.

I’ve been manic pixie girl before, but the trope is always so unrealistic. Hannah’s character might be one of the few that nails the reality of a manic pixie “dream” girl. Over time I see Hannah’s magnetic personality, her unconventional looks have become cute to me and seeing her put herself out there and be deserving of friends and lovers but also still having flaws has made me less hard on myself.

I didn’t expect the show to have me reflecting on my own worth and thinking damn who gives af if I’m fat or awkward. And yeah sometimes I get burn out and go into my own shell but seeing someone like Hannah do that and just pick herself up and move forward is empowering. I’m still charming, I have my own attractive features, why beat myself up for embarrassment of the awkward things I say when I could just accept it’s gonna happen and I can just keep moving forward being worthy of good connections, friends, love, all that ❤️ I don’t know if others got that feeling from the show but I know I did

I talked to my doctor about my low libido with sertraline and thought there’s probably nothing we can do there.. I was so wrong. I’ve been on Wellbutrin a few months now and it’s such a great and necessary add on (for me) my libido is through the roof, I’m constantly thinking about my husband and initiating basically daily which I wasn’t sure I’d ever do again on sertraline. So yeah for anyone who has gotten to the point with libido that thinks they’ll never really feel the same way about sex again.. see about Wellbutrin because for me it was a much needed 180

I have an iPhone (one of the newer generations I never pay attention to which) and I try to take progress pictures to motivate myself while healing.. then I open the camera and I get a freaking jump scare and I look in the mirror it’s nothing like that. I don’t know if I’m delusional or if the camera is just overdoing something with contrast?! Everything looks red and angry but again I look in the mirror and I see the progress. What gives?! Also does anyone have a suggestion on how I can note progress for motivation? Pulling up my iPhone camera becomes a setback instead of a motivator when it’s so unflattering

Recent finales of multiple shows have been ignoring one factor and I have no idea why. The Boys is a very good example of this missing piece..

Extras. Scenes with characters interacting with the world around them. Rewatching The Boys and in the first 5 episodes I’m seeing more extras than we see in the entire last season. We have The Boys walking through crowds on the street, walking into a supe club, A-trains race, the plane scene, the Jesus festival compared to the final season we have the camp where people seem to kind of wander around no real interaction with our characters besides the girl that looks like Robin and Homelander coming in solely focused on main characters. And you have the 2 trial group scenes which are a small group of 1 type of extra in a room all with similar personalities/goals.

Immersion is so important in shows like this, they knew it at the start so what changed? This isn’t the only show that has failed to show their characters interacting with the world around them in the final season. It makes their flanderization that much more jarring, every scene is hyper focused on the goal but they’ve got to drag out hours of screen time so we feel like we’re just walking around circles with these characters with no real progress. No real world building. So yeah, why are writers skimping out on extras?