u/JohnDarlenHimself

I'm trying to figure out how to installed it without root, but only tutorials I found are outdated and related to Bromite.

I'm lost here on this existence, I don't know what I want, I don't know what people want from me. I don't feel like having a family, job or a relationship.

Earning money always involves competition, I don't want to compete anymore, they're making us kill each other to earn a decent life, but how can I live that life knowing I'm living well just because I was better than someone else, and probably this someone else is struggling to live now that I won? The same way someone was better than me and now I'm struggling to live? Are those the only options to make part of society?

How the fuck should I feel better about myself being accepted to a job that had 100 people applying, knowing that the happiness of 1 will be the sadness of 99 others?

The happiness of the winners aren't worth the sadness of the losers.

"But there's endless jobs out there", no, there IS NOT. If that was true then companies would be begging for people, and not people begging for companies.

Why are people competing so much daily? So many years of evolution and modernization, robots are nearly doing all human jobs and still, they want us killing each other to survive. I can't believe we have so much technology for so many things but we don't have technology to automate food cultivation and processing, cooking, building shelter and other basic life needs.

What are people even doing daily? Pursuing a life of extreme materalism to help cope with the lack of meaning?

I don't want to apply to a job that requires me to be better than others, that requires me to beat other people to be accepted. I don't want to compete anymore.

That's why I don't seek job, I feel lost in the middle of all these crazy people killing each other and asking me to join them.

I live with my parents and my sister, and I don't engage in any conversation, I'm a bizarre creep always locked inside my bedroom and just leaving to eat and go to the bathroom.

I literally don't talk to anyone, I don't emit any sound with my mouth that's what I mean.

I used to talk to my mom sometimes but now I just gave up. And I think she's slowlying giving up on me too.

Nobody likes a creep that do not talk to anyone anymore, I feel they all are feeling annoyed by my presence in the house.

I'm thinking about trying one last time going after a job, renting a house and kill myself after that, I've no space here to try anything and there's always someone in the house. I'm thinking about this last shot. If I had more space and time to plan I think I could end with this torture.

I don't want to work, but I think it may be worth it for a while at least until I find the means and courage to end this.

I'm not even afraid of the process of dying itself, I'm just scared about what happens next.

I was always a "scientific" person, so I hardly believe in things that can't be proved with logic or scientific methods.

But even using logic you might find some possibility of keep existing after dying.

This is my current theory that I really hope it's wrong, but logically speaking, it's not impossible to happen:

I was thinking about that for a good time, what are we? What are our consciousness, thoughts and memories? If not just particles interacting with each other inside the universe in a given pattern. And that's the key word: pattern. What if this same pattern that leads to what we call "life" happens again? What if the same pattern of particles that lead to our own consciousness, memories, feelings and thoughts happens again in the future? Maybe even from billions of billions of years from here, there's literally nothing preventing this from happening again, of course the odds are astronomically low, but not zero. Everybody knows that if you throw a dice the same number will repeat eventually, chances are 1 out of 6. Why the same isn't valid for the events on the universe? Even if it means 1 out of billions of billions of billions..., given the universe will exist maybe forever (?), there's nothing preventing past events of not happen again in the very same way.

There's one theory that talks about that, the eternal return theory (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eternal_return), even tho I'm fine with that, because even if things keep repeating for the eternity, I'd not know about the past, even if I'm living again for the 100th time, so it's just how nature is.

But what scares me the most is, what if in the future, humanity, or maybe not even humanity, maybe just some sort of supreme absolute intelligent life is able to map the past and bring back patterns that happened once to the present? Some sort of "resurrection", and recreate that in a controlled environment? Which means, you could be brought to life dozens of times without knowing it.

Then it gets worse, we have this feeling that death will be just like an eternal sleep. I don't entirely agree with that, once dead you don't have perception of time anymore, while sleeping, we still know after waking up that a few hours has passed, our perception of time exists even on sleep. But in death, nothing exists for you anymore, there's no perception of time. And this is a big problem, because if what I said earlier is true, you'd be brought back to life after billions of years with a feeling that just a split of a second has passed, a feeling of continuous existence, after all, your brain doesn't exist anymore, it doesn't track time anymore, but once you get back your brain is back from where it stopped: your past death. So this feels even more terrifying than being alive.

What if there is never an ending? Scientifically speaking, it's not impossible. This has even been shown in some fictional scientific stories, what if human consciousness can be brought back to life? What if a person whole neural network can be mapped and transferred to a computer? What if we're not in control of our very own existence?

I'm not considering current technology or maybe not even human technology, but if the universe is not more than a bunch of particles interacting with each other leading to certain events, then what is preventing those particles of being manipulated in the future for some sort of technology we don't even can think about? What if some sort of intelligence are able to "reverse engineering" the universe and manipulating everything bringing any existence back to life?

I just saw this post on Popular tab of Reddit, the girl on AmIOverreacting asked if paying USD 1200 to her parents was too much.

I feel like shit, I'm 26yo and not just live on my parents house with everything included but also eat their food.

The worst part is seeing most people commenting like if it was normal and common to charge rent from its own children, just imagine what these people would think about me. A complete waste of human being.

I'm feel extremely bad now. I'm each time more considering living on the streets away from here asking for food. I don't want to be a weight for them anymore.