u/JumpingJawas

My boyfriend (27M, low libido) and I (25F, high libido) have had intimacy issues for so long and I’m at a loss. We rarely have sex or anything else

I’ve never been able to be open about this other than to a therapist once or twice. It’s hard for me to articulate everything so please forgive the word vomit below. I just rambled into my notes because today I am just so sad about this.

intimacy cycles

*disorganized for now and no particular order

- feeling too awkward to bring it up because it’s not common to talk about anymore bc i start to feel weird about caring so much and invalidate myself about wanting and needing that so then I try to ignore but it doesn’t work so resentment builds and then it makes me just kind of feel mad when im turned on and nervous to approach which then makes me want to bring it up bc im me and like to talk through most things bc open communication and all that

- randomly something will happen every few months and it will either be only for me which is great but i long to give back and after awhile it makes me worry if he actually wants me or is he cheating, porn, etc.? or occasionally it’s actually sex and then i get sad after and start to worry that it won’t happen again for awhile. always flirty for a little bit in between but it fades out and then the awkwardness begins. actions speak louder

- i do try communicating sometimes and im very open but it seems to sort of partially land and I feel unseen and like he doesn’t care

- i also end up feeling creepy along with awkward like I don’t want to make him do anything he doesn’t want to do so I don’t initiate and i question if im too kinky or whatever

- gone on for like 3-4 years of our 5.5 year relationship, current ages are 25 (me), 27 (him).

sex is very important to me and i don’t know how ive dealt with this for so long. it feels oppressive in a way and just sad. he says it’s bc he feels insecure or physical symptoms from his chronic illness or he hasn’t shaved… all fair but yeah.

i just don’t really know what to do about this anymore. when we do things it’s great. he even said a few months ago when he tried my vibrator out and really enjoyed using that with me that he likes to make me c\*m and its like a gift to give. ive bought vibrators for us and a bondage kit he suggested but never ended up wanting to try. idk. im sad.

thanks for reading

im (25F) doing so badly and my job contributes heavily to my issues. even if its not exacerbating them, it makes me so stressed and busy that i struggle to prioritize recovery and lean on my supports. i am withering away and feel worse physically everyday no matter how hard i am mentally trying. i am a special ed teacher for elementary school.

i also start grad school tomorrow and have no idea how that will be manageable with working so hard anyway, in addition ro my anorexia.

we only have one month left in the school year but i want to take a leave of absence. but i feel like if i do that, then what’s the point anyway? there’s so much that needs to be done at this point in the year in addition to other day-to-day things. if i don’t do all of it, someone else will have to. ive used almost all of my PTO. it’s my first year so why would i take a leave over the last month. im already backing out of teaching summer school.

i need a softer life. i want to stop teaching while in grad school and nanny instead. but whatever, letting people down.

what would you do? im not used to prioritizing myself or feeling so awful that i have to.

im (25F) doing so badly and my job contributes heavily to my issues. even if its not exacerbating them, it makes me so stressed and busy that i struggle to prioritize recovery and lean on my supports. i am withering away and feel worse physically everyday no matter how hard i am mentally trying. i am a special ed teacher for elementary school.

i also start grad school tomorrow and have no idea how that will be manageable with working so hard anyway, in addition ro my anorexia.

we only have one month left in the school year but i want to take a leave of absence. but i feel like if i do that, then what’s the point anyway? there’s so much that needs to be done at this point in the year in addition to other day-to-day things. if i don’t do all of it, someone else will have to. ive used almost all of my PTO. it’s my first year so why would i take a leave over the last month. im already backing out of teaching summer school.

i need a softer life. i want to stop teaching while in grad school and nanny instead. but whatever, letting people down.

what would you do? im not used to prioritizing myself or feeling so awful that i have to.

im (25F) doing so badly and my job contributes heavily to my issues. even if its not exacerbating them, it makes me so stressed and busy that i struggle to prioritize recovery and lean on my supports. i am withering away and feel worse physically everyday no matter how hard i am mentally trying. i am a special ed teacher for elementary school.

i also start grad school tomorrow and have no idea how that will be manageable with working so hard anyway, in addition ro my anorexia.

we only have one month left in the school year but i want to take a leave of absence. but i feel like if i do that, then what’s the point anyway? there’s so much that needs to be done at this point in the year in addition to other day-to-day things. if i don’t do all of it, someone else will have to. ive used almost all of my PTO. it’s my first year so why would i take a leave over the last month. im already backing out of teaching summer school.

i need a softer life. i want to stop teaching while in grad school and nanny instead. but whatever, letting people down.

what would you do? im not used to prioritizing myself or feeling so awful that i have to.

i have soft committed to teaching ESY since i have a handful of students going. i am a first year special ed teacher. its been a few months of planning for me to teach one of the ESY classes but not really official yet. im also drowning in the typical responsibilities on top of the end of year stuff and starting grad school this week and then also i have an eating disorder that makes everything hard. i am struggling with recovery heavily. it’s so intense and i am not doing well. my caseload is insane and idk how i have not fallen flat yet

i know its my students this summer and im not sure how it would work if i have to write the lesson plans or not but i don’t think i should do ESY. i feel like im being killed by anxiety. everyday when i wake up i am shaking and feel worse than the day before.

is it bad if i back out? even the thought of it is doom. i would love to do it but i have struggled horribly this year and having the summer to heal just seems so relieving. i feel so guilty though as people are somewhat relying on me and my mentor has been pushing for this to work out

i have soft committed to teaching ESY since i have a handful of students going. i am a first year special ed teacher. its been a few months of planning for me to teach one of the ESY classes but not really official yet. im also drowning in the typical responsibilities on top of the end of year stuff and starting grad school this week and then also i have an eating disorder that makes everything hard. i am struggling with recovery heavily. it’s so intense and i am not doing well.

i know its my students this summer and im not sure how it would work if i have to write the lesson plans or not but i don’t think i should do ESY. i feel like im being killed by anxiety. everyday when i wake up i am shaking and feel worse than the day before.

is it bad if i back out? even the thought of it is doom. i would love to do it but i have struggled horribly this year and having the summer to heal just seems so relieving. i feel so guilty though as people are somewhat relying on me and my mentor has been pushing for this to work out

i (24F) was lightheaded this morning and went to the ER so called out of work. some minor EKG abnormalities and the usual differences. they gave me fluids and ive tried to recharge today. i am nervous to go back bc what if no one believes me.

i don’t want to feel unreliable or inconsistent or flaky. ive been out last minute 4 (maybe 5 idk) times in the past 3 months. 2 of those times are for my cat who passed recently but the other times have been bc of fatigue or weakness due to my anorexia. im in recovery but its so hard and interferes with my job sometimes and i am a special ed teacher so requires a lot of energy physically and mentally.

im close with some of my coworkers but its my first year and don’t want to keep making this bad impression especially with such vulnerability. i have so much work though its so crazy im drowning in work outside of work in addition to grad school starting next week and my relationship is a bit unstable and my cat recently died. my team says im doing great with recovery even if i am in a rough patch but oh my god wow.

thanks for taking the time to read <3

i (24F) was lightheaded this morning and went to the ER so called out of work. some minor EKG abnormalities and the usual differences. they gave me fluids and ive tried to recharge today. i am nervous to go back bc what if no one believes me.

i don’t want to feel unreliable or inconsistent or flaky. ive been out last minute 4 (maybe 5 idk) times in the past 3 months. 2 of those times are for my cat who passed recently but the other times have been bc of fatigue or weakness due to my anorexia. im in recovery but its so hard and interferes with my job sometimes and i am a special ed teacher so requires a lot of energy physically and mentally.

im close with some of my coworkers but its my first year and don’t want to keep making this bad impression especially with such vulnerability. i have so much work though its so crazy im drowning in work outside of work in addition to grad school starting next week and my relationship is a bit unstable and my cat recently died. my team says im doing great with recovery even if i am in a rough patch but oh my god wow.

thanks for taking the time to read <3