u/KaliLovee

I dont want to say I attempted s*****e, but i cut myself pn my stomach with an exacto knife. I wanted to feel any other pain besides the physical and emotional anxiety i feel every single day. Called paramedics last night because my HR shot up to 208 and my oxygen was 93. They prescribed me a beta blocker to help my HR since thats the main physical symptom and im sure thats what ill need tonight. Im just losing so much hope and on top of that, my husband showed no support today. No hugs, no are you okays, no empathy. So my life is a shit show. Just wanted to vent.

Ive had anxiety for 13 years on and off. Been on 2 medications. One stopped working so I switched, and now my current one feels like its wanting to stop. I dont have usual triggers, but when I got super dehydrated and had to go to the hospital on 4/26, ever since then ive had anxiety every single night, Ive had 6 ER visits so far with all tests literally always being fine. My mind has now gotten "used" to the anxiety and now its like it's scheduled every night to happen at some point. I don't know how to break this streak and its soooo stressfull doing this every night. I have ativan but i feel ive used to much and i get reverse effects now. I just want to be able to know how to handle my anxiety because just 2 months ago, life was great.

Im on Paxil btw. Before all this happened, was on 40mgs, moved up to 60mgs. If that doesnt help, ill try a different med. Someone please tell me that this gets better. Ive been this was before and gotten better but alot of days i find myself thinking this will never end. I dont expect a timeframe, i just want to know that despite how weak i am to control my mind, that thisll get better.

I couldnt handle it on my own. Despite the meds that have worked over a year. Despite the 2mgs of Ativan I took. Im in the hospital again because I feel like im crazy. I feel like i belong in a mental asylum.