u/Kantramo

Hey! I'm a student who's really curious about psychology. I go extremely deep into all the research, human biases and so on.

What I found, and for me it was shocking: MBTI is not really reliable as a psychology test.

It was created by a mom and daughter to find out about the daughter's boyfriend, and heavily used for women during the war for specialities. They were not psychologists (I honestly don't remember exactly, but when I read an academic book it was clearly stated).

For me it was genuinely shocking cuz most people take it and it's quite popular.

Later I found out that MBTI is only for self-reflection, not reliable for recruitment (recommended by MBTI company). I went deeper and asked like why??

Well, that's because most people are not either of the 2 types. They can be in between, and most people are.

Same as I noticed with myself. I don't consider myself either introvert or extravert, it purely depends on the situation.

I was sitting in the room, it was about 11pm, and I was like 0_0.

I read another book the next day, it stated about Big Five, which is a more reliable and science-backed approach for personality.

There are a bunch of free tests to understand yourself better, so I'm clearly switching my opinion about MBTI (sorry...)

I also found one funny test which seems also backed by Big Five, although fewer questions (idk really if it's reliable) but still funny.

Hey! I'm a student who's really curious about psychology. I go extremely deep into all the research, human biases and so on.

What I found, and for me it was shocking: MBTI is not really reliable as a psychology test.

It was created by a mom and daughter to find out about the daughter's boyfriend, and heavily used for women during the war for specialities. They were not psychologists (I honestly don't remember exactly, but when I read an academic book it was clearly stated).

For me it was genuinely shocking cuz most people take it and it's quite popular.

Later I found out that MBTI is only for self-reflection, not reliable for recruitment (recommended by MBTI company). I went deeper and asked like why??

Well, that's because most people are not either of the 2 types. They can be in between, and most people are.

Same as I noticed with myself. I don't consider myself either introvert or extravert, it purely depends on the situation.

I was sitting in the room, it was about 11pm, and I was like 0_0.

I read another book the next day, it stated about Big Five, which is a more reliable and science-backed approach for personality.

There are a bunch of free tests to understand yourself better, so I'm clearly switching my opinion about MBTI (sorry...)

I also found one funny test which seems also backed by Big Five, although fewer questions (idk really if it's reliable) but still funny.

I've "started a new life" so many times this year: new routine, new gym plan, new wake up time, new journal. Every single one died within two weeks, and every time I decided the problem was me being weak.

Then before the next restart I did something different -> instead of finding another routine, I asked why all the previous ones died. The pattern was honestly embarrassing: not one of those routines was mine.

For example, early mornings because of some guy on youtube, gym split from a fitness influencer, journaling because everyone does it and I never even knew why I was doing it.

Around that time I went down a rabbit hole on the Big Five (apparently the only personality model with actual science behind it). I score low on conscientiousness and high on openness -> rigid long-term routines are literally the worst format for my brain.

So I stopped copying marathon-people systems and started running one small thing a week instead. Goals remained exactly the same, I just changed the way I do them.

The point is that the most useful information for changing your life is who you actually are, and most people skip that part entirely.

And honestly it makes sense -> when something works for someone you respect, copying it feels safer

I realized at some point that I couldn't remember my last few months. Like genuinely nothing specific: wake up, phone, classes, phone, food, phone, sleep, repeat. Months of my life just gone, and I couldn't name a single day that felt different from the others.

And I just thought -> there's a massive difference between living and existing. Existing is when your days happen to you. Living is when you actually choose them.

And here's a simple test: you only remember the days you lived. The day you tried something for the first time, took a risk, did something that actually mattered. Your brain doesn't store autopilot days, there's nothing to store.

The scary part is that existing feels super safe -> same routine, same paths, same conversations (no risks, no failures, but also nothing). You can exist for years and call it stability.

Most people don't choose this on purpose. They just never stopped to ask what they actually want, so they run on defaults: school said this, parents said that, the feed says this (autopilot).

So here's the question that changed everything for me: if nothing changes, will the next couple of years be the same blurred week on repeat?

I called myself lazy for like 3 years straight: couldn't start things, couldn't finish them, would sit there knowing exactly what to do and just not do it. Literally tried every productivity hack, every discipline video, every morning routine (nothing helped). I genuinely thought something was broken in me.

Then I noticed something weird. I wasn't lazy at all when it came to certain things. I could spend many hours deep in something I actually cared about and not even feel it. I could scroll for 3 hours without a single break. The energy was there the whole time. It just never showed up for the stuff I thought I was supposed to do.

And then I had a specific realization -> being lazy is being bored of your own life. What we call laziness is mostly your brain refusing to pour energy into a life that doesn't excite you.

Think about the last time you were genuinely into something. A game, a project, a person, whatever. You didn't need motivation, you didn't need a routine, you just did it for hours. That's the real you showing what it looks like when the thing actually matters.

The problem is most people never stop to figure out what's actually theirs. They chase what looks impressive, what their parents wanted, what worked for some guy online. Then they call themselves lazy when they can't keep it up.

So before you download another habit tracker, ask the harder question: "What would I not be able to stop doing, if I actually let myself?"

I always feel unsure before another big step in my life. And guess what, I just did it anyway, without the overthinking.

The real problem with overthinking is momentum and timing. People wait for months to act, then realize it's already too late.

And not being able to do something you could always do is a genuinely desperate feeling. You might not even notice it, but sometimes it shows up as aggression toward other people or your circumstances.

Life is just here, and the difference between living and existing is huge. So test everything, practice new things, fail while you're young and can, get experience, experiment, become the best version of yourself.

In most cases you're not losing anything by choosing a direction or trying something new, it's just another learning point. And without those points, talking about success means nothing.

Everyone here is obsessed with discipline aka "build discipline", "you just need more discipline", "discipline beats motivation". I believed it for years and it almost broke me.

I tried everything to be disciplined like early morning alarms (5-6am), cold showers, habit trackers, the whole thing. I'd force it for 2-3 weeks maybe, feel like a machine, then crash and feel like garbage for not keeping it up. Then start again -> crash again. This cycle made me feel weak, like something was wrong with me.

Here's what I actually figured out: discipline was never the problem. I was forcing discipline onto things that weren't mine (stuff I thought I SHOULD do cuz some successful person said so). Of course I couldn't stick to it, my body was basically rejecting a life that didn't fit me.

The people who look "disciplined" mostly aren't grinding through willpower. They actually found something that actually fits who they are, and showing up stopped being a fight. You don't need discipline to do the thing you're naturally pulled toward.

What actually changed it for me:

1 -> stop copying other people's routines, start from who you are.

2 -> notice what you don't have to force, the stuff you do without needing motivation.

3 -> stop calling yourself lazy, its just pointed at the wrong thing.

4 -> get honest about what’s actually yours vs what you're performing for other people.

I stopped trying to become a disciplined person. I started trying to figure out who I actually am and weirdly, the discipline showed up on its own once the direction was right. However, I would call it more like obsession.

Stop trying to be a disciplined version of someone you saw online

Most people are trying to figure out what they wanna do in life, like what direction, what occupation, what hobby and so on. But I guess this "find your passion" advice is mostly misunderstood.

I wanna just start with some truth: most people do what they don't like. Ofc they can change things at any point in their life, but most don't. That's reality. The world is not a cartoon where everyone gets what they want.

Then, I guess passion comes from deep experience, not vice versa (not the way where you see something and instantly realize it's your passion, or sit thinking and waiting until you get that feeling).

Only when you try something, fail, then get better and gain some insights -> only then you start feeling something. Otherwise everything you start and fail at early on feels like "not my thing".

Passion is when you choose a direction of interest, try one thing -> fail -> experience -> become better -> fail -> experience -> become better, and only this leads to passion.

I wanna talk about this cuz I personally experienced this thing, like scrolling Twitter or LinkedIn and seeing everyone posting what they have done recently. Honestly, I felt desperate, like I was literally feeling behind, that everyone is more successful than me and similar thoughts.

And I'm pretty sure that at least 80% of people felt the same way. And the truth is a bit funny: you can't be the best, there's always someone better than you at something. For example, richer, more fit, better job position and so on.

And I also heard that advice -> stop comparing yourself to others. But does it help? Completely not, it's like telling kids don't eat candies and they will still find a way to do it. Our brains don't like when something limits our freedom.

So, you can ask me what to do then? I personally couldn't solve this issue of comparison completely. However, what helped me:

> the less you scroll and open these social media apps, the less you compare (you don't know what others do, so nothing to compare to)

> focus on your stuff, the less you're interested in others' stuff, the more time you have on yours

> realize one truth: people are different (skills, personality, environment, experience), the only thing that matters is to fully unlock your potential and be the best fckn version of yourself.

That's it, the last point sounded too motivational but that's a real thing, don't lose yourself in this life, bye!

Most of these books are 90% water. Of course everyone says this, but when you actually read them, it's just a bunch of beautiful words wrapped around some useful information.

If you remember any of the advice 1-2 weeks later, congrats, you're one of the lucky ones. Otherwise it was just another overhyped book.

If everyone gets the same advice and millions of people read these books, the advice isn't really "secret" anymore. It's just general truth.

And in the AI era, you can just ask ChatGPT for the specific thing you need instead of reading a whole book to find it.

Plus reading while telling yourself you're being productive doesn't actually make you productive, It's just consuming information. If you actually implement something, even one small step, then you're being productive.

Otherwise you're just delaying action by wanting to know more. But knowing more without practice doesn't move anything.

I just had a thought in my mind, you have a tracking of your own actions, like reminders, clicking a button to finish a task, things like that.

Of course it helps organize everything, reduce noise and chaos in your head, keep things on track, convenient interfaces and so on.

For some people it's definitely useful, millions of them even. But I feel like most people use these things and abandon them after 1 week, maybe 2.

I guess because people don't actually understand why they have this goal in the first place. Maybe it's someone else's goal they took on to look cool. Maybe they don't know how to push themselves.

And honestly, the people who actually benefit from these apps are the ones who already have some baseline self-discipline. They just need the reminder or the organization. People with zero baseline download the apps too but the app alone doesn't fix anything.

So I guess the only way is through understanding your values, what you truly want, what you're capable of. Just personal self-reflection

"visualize your goals", "manifest your dream life", "imagine it hard enough and it will come" -> popular advice everywhere rn. Sold as the thing that changes your life just by thinking about it. Another bullshit unfortunately.

I first noticed this when I started reading those popular self-help books. Set goals, visualize them, work hard, it comes true. Tested it on myself and didn't reach most of them. Was it that I didn't want it enough? Didn't work hard enough? Maybe. But I personally worked pretty hard.

Visualization indeed can help with inner confidence, motivation, the energy you feel inside. BUT it's not sending some secret messages to the universe so it structures your life around what you want. That's been physically proven, no energy leaves your body.

So why is it so popular? For some people it does seem to work. Honestly it's just confirmation bias. You only remember the matches between what you thought about and what actually happened. Try tracking every goal you visualize. Most don't come true.

One thing that actually matters is deeper self-understanding. Journaling, meditation, sitting with your thoughts. Helps you optimize yourself, see where you're failing, where you're winning, double down on the approaches that actually work for you.

Also there's a piece of research worth knowing. Visualization works, but only for process imagination. When you imagine the result (already crossing the finish line, already rich, already famous), your brain releases dopamine like you already got it -> motivation drops, you do less.

But when you visualize the process (actually doing the exercise, mentally repeating the presentation, going through the steps), your brain treats it like rehearsal. That actually helps performance.

The internet is obsessed with telling you motivation is bad, discipline is better, you should be more disciplined and so on. But what kind of discipline are they actually talking about?

What they basically mean is be consistent in doing something, even when you don't want to, forget about your emotions. Maybe I just don't get it, but this concept sounds like full bullshit.

Think about what that actually creates:

Being consistent -> doing the same stuff -> comfort zone????

Being disciplined -> pushing through everything -> burnout?????

I think discipline shouldn't be the goal at all. The real point is small changes and improvements every day.

I also looked up the actual Cambridge definition cuz something felt off:

"training that makes people more willing to obey or more able to control themselves, often in the form of rules, and punishments if these are broken, or the behaviour produced by this training."

Well that's it. Self-control through understanding yourself. The internet's version is blind consistency, which is something completely different.

And the part nobody talks about, people are fckn different. Someone runs on intensity, someone on patience, someone on novelty, someone on rigid rituals. There are literally millions of combinations of what works for who.

The only thing that actually matters is self-reflection. Understanding yourself, your strengths and weaknesses, finding what actually motivates YOU specifically. Then building a routine around that.

General advice doesn't work anymore. Stop trying to be disciplined like someone else, figure out what works for you and build from there.

I've been chasing productivity content for like 2-3 years. Books, podcasts, reddit posts, twitter threads, different videos, you name it. Always felt like there's something wrong with me cuz the same sht that worked miracles for some random guy on the internet did absolutely nothing for me.

Something shifted recently when I took a personality test. Wasn't even taking it seriously, just out of curiosity. But the results made me think about something I never really thought about before -> who I actually am as a person.

And here's what hit me. Personality isn't this static thing you're born with and that's it, like at all. Yeah you have some base, some default traits, but the bigger part of who you are right now was literally shaped by your school, your upbringing, the friends you spent years with, the country you grew up in, the situations life threw at you, your timing in life.

Which means -> there are literally no two people in the world with the same personality. Even identical twins develop differently cuz their experiences diverge. You and your best friend grew up in different households, hung out with different people, processed your teenage years completely differently, dealt with different family dynamics. You're a different person inside, no matter how similar you look from the outside.

And here's where it ties to all the self-improvement stuff. None of that advice was ever made for you. The person writing it figured out what worked for their specific personality, packaged it nice, called it "the answer". But it was built around THEIR brain, their upbringing, their environment.

That's why one person becomes successful waking up at 5am doing cold plunges and journaling, while others doing the exact same routine just feel miserable. Some people need to grind through hard work to find their thing, others find their breakthrough only after letting go of structure entirely. Some thrive in social environments, some literally need total solitude to function.

I kept blaming myself for not sticking to anything. Lazy, no discipline, no willpower, whatever. Then it clicked, I was trying to live like someone else, literally running someone else's playbook and wondering why my version sucked so much.

What actually changes things is self-awareness. And I'm not talking about the dumb "be mindful" version everyone keeps repeating. I mean actually figuring out who you are. What you respond to, what kills your energy, what makes you regress every time you try it.

Once you know that, you stop trying every random hack you see online. You start building your own playbook. Stress-test on yourself, see what works, what doesn't. Become better in the direction that actually fits who you are.

Also stop comparing yourself to other people lol. Their personality isn't yours, their schedule isn't yours, their wins came from sht you can't replicate cuz you're not them

Like I literally wanna do something productive, learn the topic, prepare for the exam, and after 5-10 min I unconsciously grab my phone and end up on social media. And then I'm trying to lock in again, same cycle repeats.

There's a bunch of tools online like blockers, tracking apps or just keeping ur phone away. For some it worked and im glad they found it useful. For me not. Honestly still got this thing where part of me doesn't wanna do anything goal-oriented, even though I literally know that I need to focus

What I found useful is first just satisfying all the basic needs like food + sleep + water. At this stage, I still hit this wall, ok body is fine, but mind still kept struggling like I couldn't approach to my own self.

After couple days, I randomly came across one personality test and then realized everyone is completely different. For some people a specific approach helps, for some not, for some completely not. You kinda have to find what works for u personally.

General advice online doesn't fit everyone and the only way to figure that out is through self-reflection. Like who am I, what's the creature that drives my body, that kind of thing.

The only way to succeed is through truly understanding your skills, strength and abilities and maximizing them.

Just curious how many things have you tried for focus? what helped?

Been thinking about this for weeks.

Skills and knowledge are the only things left that matter. That's it. Everything else is noise.

Skill = how reliable, fast, and clean you can do something. Repeatable execution.

Knowledge = what to do, what's downstream of that, what happens when you stack idea X on idea Y.

Every advantage people used to have is gone. Information is free, tools are free, everyone's got the same AI in their pocket.

So what's actually left? The one thing that compounds inside you. Real skill from doing the thing. Real knowledge from learning what worked and what didn't.

Knowledge without skill is trivia. You can read every book about running and still not be able to run a 5k. The chess kid who's played 5000+ games on chesscom will demolish anyone who only studied openings on youtube.

Skill can't be stolen, can't be downloaded, doesn't disappear when a company shuts down or an industry shifts. When you fail at something, that fail is now part of your skill. The knowledge of what didn't work is locked in your head.

Life is basically just a loop. Try, learn, try again, learn again. The people who win aren't smarter, they just ran more cycles