u/Katesburneracct

I’m struggling today. I feel sluggish, I feel like a man. I live with my cis wife who 1000% accepts and embraces me. I have my appointment to start HRT in less than 2 weeks. I present female 100% of the time I’m home. I get to stay home with our toddler while my wife works super hard for us. I’ve been riding a very high euphoria wave the last few weeks, but it came crashing down last night. No reason, I just think I was peaking and now I’m bottoming out. I felt so great and confident, then last night I got this feeling of dread. Like I’m going to ruin everyone’s life if I get on HRT and come out. I’m considering bailing on my appointment. I know I will hate myself if I do. I just feel selfish and like I’m not going to be able to go through with this. I feel like an imposter. I feel like a freak. This is all very sudden. Like I said, I was on a monster euphoria kick for weeks, and now I feel worse than I ever did before. I feel guilty about my wife’s acceptance of me. I feel guilt about how my transition may affect our kid. I just feel lost again. I don’t know what I need, but I just needed to vent I guess.