u/Key-Armadillo526

(17F)
To sum it up I was raised on the internet watching Minecraft YouTubers, gacha life, etc. It became a coping mechanism to just disappear on the internet as a kid, my parents would always fight and it was my go to so obviously it’s stuck with me. Then I got depressed at like 11 and it got worse and worse i’d just isolate from people, not take care of myself and stay in my room all day. That has literally been my life since forever and I fucking hate it I hate it so bad. I don’t have any real life close friends anymore because I stopped talking to them after secondary school ended and I didn’t make any new ones at my first college course because of my social anxiety so I remained friendless for over 3 months. I kinda just snapped one day and realised how little my life was like i’m stupid as shit, I have no hobbies, no skills, i’m ugly, I’m friendless, mentally ill, so on. I’ve been trying to change it but my town is so little that there’s not really anything to do and I don’t know I just feel stuck. Everytime I try to change my lifestyle I get burnt out, fall back into the routine, notice it, feel depressed, try to change it and it just keeps on repeating repeating repeating. I’ve made one friend in college so far but I can tell she gets annoyed because of how little I speak, my brain is just literally empty and nothing that I like would interest her because what do I like?? I hate everything I used to love like video game and shit because all that time I spent amounted to nothing what the fuck do I do?? I hate myself I just wanna have close friends to do silly shit with i’d do anything for that, I should probably just get a job and work towards moving out of this fuckass country but my sleep schedule is horrible and i’m worried i’ll relapse again fuck I need to stop being a pussy and rip the bandaid off or else i’ll never change but i’m so scared

I’m 17F and I’ve wasted so many years doing nothing and I don’t know how to stop. I keep living the same days knowing that I hate it but I don’t know how to change it. I have no friends and nowhere to make any (until I go back to college) and no activities to do because I live in such a small area.

Frankly i’m just miserable and I need to know if it’s possible to turn your life around fully. Like has anyone ever gone to having no friends, multiple mental illnesses to their name and can’t be confident to save their life, to someone with many friends, who enjoys life to the fullest and doesn’t care about what others think and just does whatever they want to?

I know it’s entirely possible to live like that, but is going from the complete opposite to that possible (dunno if I worded that right)? I guess I could just force it to be possible to be honest, because I want this SO badly but I’m terrified of it and I don’t know how to embrace my fears yet.

That was more lengthy than I intended, my bad :’) but please let me know if it’s possible and if anyone has actually done this before.

Edit: Unfortunately this isn’t just about me growing up, i’ve suffered with major depression and social anxiety for about 5 years. The stress of getting older is certainly there, but there’s a lot more to it than that for me ^^

As the title says I’m making a list of little goals to help me enjoy life more. By little goals I mean things that are easily achievable, such as trying new foods (e.g Turon), doing new activities (a casual sport, karaoke, etc), trying new hobbies, and so on!

I often get scared of trying new things, but if they’re small then hopefully they won’t overwhelm me and I can push myself out of my comfort zone a bit.. So please give me some ideas! :)

(I’ll eventually share the list if anyone wants it)

I’ve been recovering from a few mental issues recently and I wondered if learning how autism works and how I can cope with it would help me (I never got any support so I have no idea how it works tbh) so I had a look at a few videos online but some of the comments worry me and make me paranoid.

One of them says “I’m 44 and given up on having any friends. I have animals to keep me company. Autism is a very lonely life. I’ve never fit in anywhere.” I GET where they’re coming from but it honestly scares the shit out of me that I might be alone for that long because I hate having no friends.

I know that friendships can be exhausting and frustrating but ever since I started healing mentally i’ve been yearning for friends, but that comment and all the people replying who agree with them is killing me.

So am I just overthinking things or is having a lonely life common for autistic people??

Edit: Thanks to everyone who commented! This is my first time interacting with the autism community and you’ve all been great and reassuring, hearing your experiences helped me a lot today :) !!