u/Kuxleon

This is more of a rant than anything with a couple of questions on what I should do, if there's somewhere between I could post this lmk but the ftm sub has a "don't talk about diy" warning

I'm a minor still, my mom scheduled a gynecologist appointment (scary) and I'm forced to go. It's next month. Unfortunate part of this is I was literally JUST ABOUT to start T. She wants me to get my down there inspected which I'm highly against but again I have zero choice. She wants me on birth control, which I'm all for but how would I go about asking for progestin only birth control without telling a doctor "I'm about to start hrt without my mothers permission"

She has insisted on being in the room since she doesn't want something bad to happen to me, and she knows I'm trans but is very against me transitioning. I am not in danger of anything except losing my T if she finds out. I could theoretically wait the last 4 months before I'm 18 but fuck man. It's right there. I wanna get that ball rolling as soon as possible.

i am HORRIFIED of needles, but god gel seems so impossible. i don't want to risk customs but anything based in america only has injections.

Edit- thank you all my nerves are calmed so much, I'm going to be purchasing injections. These comments have made my journey feel so much easier.

My guy quit and I got paired up with a new lady, she seemed sweet and I made sure she checked my file, and the response to asking that was "yeahhh but honestly it was a lot and for patients your age I usually don't see this. So I decided we'd figure out what's going on together"

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From what I've looked up this is completely legal and I lost my IEP cuz it wasn't just the OSDD, it was eeeverything. I lowkey just haven't scheduled another appointment cuz I'm very shocked. They have documented years of abuse I'm so certain she can access those files. I know I was diagnosed younger than most but it feels like I JUST got proof I'm not just broken and it got taken away within a year.

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Is there anything I can even do about this aside from trying to convince her the diagnosis was right?

you shouldn't care about being yourself, you're trans. Your only goal should be looking like a cisgender man. Politics aren't important. Style isn't important. Hobbies aren't important. All I'm ever fucking told. I don't look like a man I get it. I don't want to be bald. I don't want to work out. I want to be respected because it makes me feel nice. I don't want to put effort into hating myself so that people won't ever know I'm a dirty filthy transgender. I just want people to treat me how I want to be.

I want to live my life. What's even the point in transitioning if I just end up being a man I hate.I can do everything they want.

I can cut my hair. I can put on the clothes they approve of. I can pack and bind. I can stop doing the things I like. I can stop interacting with other queer people. And guess fucking what? I'd still be 5 feet tall. I'd still not fit in men's clothes. I'd still not have any facial hair. I'd still have a "feminine" face and body and voice. And none of that will change unless I can get a drug in terrified of and can't even access because I can neither afford it nor get doctor approval.

Being trans isn't something I'm disgusted by, I like who I am. But if I don't ruin my life being someone I don't want to then the only part that matters is the trans part. I'm just a woman that's trans. To fucking everybody. Cis and trans people. I'm never going to do enough and still be happy.