u/La_zymre

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Hi, my first language isn't english so pls be kind if there is any grammatical error.

I really need an advice, cause I feel like I am going crazy over this.

Four years go, I meet this girl, one year older than me, same school, I always felt attracted to her, but didnt know what that feeling was, I just though I really wanted to be friends with her, so I took the initiative and talked to her and with my surprise we had a lot in common.

At that time I had a boyfriend, I didnt realize yet that I was a lesbian, so I was confused.

After I broke up with my ex I realize I had a crush on this girl, for her privacy I am gonna call her "Maria".

Me and Maria, started to talk really often and became really good friends, and she developed feelings for me too (it was kinda obvious) I confessed to her, and she reciprocated my feelings, I was so happy, so in love, but Maria also confessed that she didnt want a relationship with me, cause her friends, her family, and her ambient was really homphobic and she was scared.

So we decided to remain friends, For the next two years we stayed friends, even if anyone could told we liked eachother. I saw other people but everytime Maria needed me, I left everything to go to her. In every relationship I had, I couldnt stop thinking I was somehow betrayng Maria. So I told her than whenever she was gonna be ready would have left , everything, and I would have choose her.

Last year, we started to saw eachother secretly (cause her parents found out I was lesbian and didnt like that, her mother even figure out that we had something going on) I was single so I started to give her gift, to treat her like my gf, and she did the same, we had a lot of on and off. Since that time, we had a lot of periods in which we didn't speak to each other at all even for months, because I was under the illusion that something serious could arise, but every time her answer was the same "I'm not ready".

After so much pain, in may of this year she decided to end our friendship, cause she though it was hurting me too much.

I suffered a lot that decision, but finally I could move on, I started to see oppurtunity i never saw before, I understand that we were too different and we was looking for differents things, we couldnt never be something "happy".

I was broken, but this summer for the first time, I didnt feel like I was waiting anymore for something impossible.

Last week I send Maria a text for something related to a reciprocate friend, we chatted for a little, and she told me something that totally schoked me and took me by surprise.

She accepted a date with me, a real one, something we never had before, that I always desire, and asked her. Maria told me, she didnt care anymore what other though, that she wanted to try, and see.

Initially I was so happy, so enthusiastic, I though "this is all I ever wanted".

But than another feeling show up, "I dont know if This is what I want anymore".

Maria is my first love, and I will always like her, and be there for her, but I dont know why, I think I am tired, for the first time I am the one that feels like this is not the right thing, I am not scared or anything, I dont understand why I am losing feelings now of all time, why "I am tired of waiting" when I dont have to do it anymore.

Is cruel, after 4 years of waiting, she is finaly ready but I cant make my self happy about it and I hate myself for it.

Should I go to the date?

​

Hi, my first language isn't english so pls be kind if there is any grammatical error.

I really need an advice, cause I feel like I am going crazy over this.

Four years go, I meet this girl, one year older than me, same school, I always felt attracted to her, but didnt know what that feeling was, I just though I really wanted to be friends with her, so I took the initiative and talked to her and with my surprise we had a lot in common.

At that time I had a boyfriend, I didnt realize yet that I was a lesbian, so I was confused.

After I broke up with my ex I realize I had a crush on this girl, for her privacy I am gonna call her "Maria".

Me and Maria, started to talk really often and became really good friends, and she developed feelings for me too (it was kinda obvious) I confessed to her, and she reciprocated my feelings, I was so happy, so in love, but Maria also confessed that she didnt want a relationship with me, cause her friends, her family, and her ambient was really homphobic and she was scared.

So we decided to remain friends, For the next two years we stayed friends, even if anyone could told we liked eachother. I saw other people but everytime Maria needed me, I left everything to go to her. In every relationship I had, I couldnt stop thinking I was somehow betrayng Maria. So I told her than whenever she was gonna be ready would have left , everything, and I would have choose her.

Last year, we started to saw eachother secretly (cause her parents found out I was lesbian and didnt like that, her mother even figure out that we had something going on) I was single so I started to give her gift, to treat her like my gf, and she did the same, we had a lot of on and off. Since that time, we had a lot of periods in which we didn't speak to each other at all even for months, because I was under the illusion that something serious could arise, but every time her answer was the same "I'm not ready".

After so much pain, in may of this year she decided to end our friendship, cause she though it was hurting me too much.

I suffered a lot that decision, but finally I could move on, I started to see oppurtunity i never saw before, I understand that we were too different and we was looking for differents things, we couldnt never be something "happy".

I was broken, but this summer for the first time, I didnt feel like I was waiting anymore for something impossible.

Last week I send Maria a text for something related to a reciprocate friend, we chatted for a little, and she told me something that totally schoked me and took me by surprise.

She accepted a date with me, a real one, something we never had before, that I always desire, and asked her. Maria told me, she didnt care anymore what other though, that she wanted to try, and see.

Initially I was so happy, so enthusiastic, I though "this is all I ever wanted".

But than another feeling show up, "I dont know if This is what I want anymore".

Maria is my first love, and I will always like her, and be there for her, but I dont know why, I think I am tired, for the first time I am the one that feels like this is not the right thing, I am not scared or anything, I dont understand why I am losing feelings now of all time, why "I am tired of waiting" when I dont have to do it anymore.

Is cruel, after 4 years of waiting, she is finaly ready but I cant make my self happy about it and I hate myself for it.

Should I go to the date?

I need help, Im desperate.

(Sorry for my english, is not my first language)

So, in october, (8 months ago) I did my first piercing, a conch, for the first 4 to 5 months everything was perfect, never a bump, never redness, it seems healed, but I continued the cleaning 2×times a day with saline solution.

Than one day i saw a bump around it, at first i didnt panic, but after weeks and than months of it just getting worse I am so tired. It dosent hurt at all, i dont even know how could it possibly get irritated, i treat it like gold. The bump is behind and front, skin color, small, and dosent hurt, sometimes is a little red, i had it for 4 months now.

I though of removing the jewliery, and just forget about this, but i dont know how to do it, can i really remove it if it has a bump around it? what do i do next? any aftercare advices? pls help!!! (I cant get to my piercer, she lives to far)

(pretty sure is just irritation bump and not infection or other)

(Sorry for my english, is not my first language)

So, in october, (8 months ago) I did my first piercing, a conch, for the first 4 to 5 months everything was perfect, never a bump, never redness, it seems healed, but I continued the cleaning 2×times a day with saline solution.

Than one day i saw a bump around it, at first i didnt panic, but after weeks and than months of it just getting worse I am so tired. It dosent hurt at all, i dont even know how could it possibly get irritated, i treat it like gold. The bump is behind and front, skin color, small, and dosent hurt, sometimes is a little red, i had it for 4 months now.

I though of removing the jewliery, and just forget about this, but i dont know how to do it, can i really remove it if it has a bump around it? what do i do next? any aftercare advices? pls help!!! (I cant get to my piercer, she lives to far)

(pretty sure is just irritation bump and not infection or other)