u/LadyElephant22

Does anybody else stare at their bottles of medications and get sad?
The thought that I have to take these for the rest of my life pops in my head when I take my meds and it bums me out. I turned 29 yesterday and I don’t know why but taking my meds tonight made me feel extra “bleh”. I know being bipolar doesn’t define you and that’s not who you are but it’s still there you know? I still have it. It’s not going anywhere. I need my meds or it’ll get worse.
(In no way shape or form am I going to stop my meds btw.)
Just thoughts that I was wondering if anyone shared.

❌🛑⚠️TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️🛑❌
🛑Abuse / Suicide🛑

It’s pretty much what it reads. I am convinced my sister prays on my downfall. To be very clear this isn’t a post to bash my sister, I love her and want her in my life, but at this point I don’t know why I want her in my life.

I (28f) and my sister (31f) have always had a rocky relationship. I am not innocent in our past conflicts but I’m not sure what the heck her problem is.

For context, my sister has always downplayed my accomplishments and what feels like she wants me to remain unsuccessful. She’s always attempted to ruin my relationships with friends and family.

Earlier today I told her when I went to school to be an accountant (I had to drop out for serious reason between my ex husband) because I wanted to do non profit financial advice to struggling families. She said and I quote “No financially struggling families have accountants. They can’t afford them. If they can, then it’s because they were dumb with their money. “ I said “it’s non profit.” She comes back with “you’d be making like $3/hr”. Which I replied “ok” then she comes back with “There’s that. Could you afford an accountant? Did you even have enough money to manage? I know when that happened to me I didn’t. I was just making enough to survive less much worried about financial counseling lmao”. I felt like she’d just spat in my face and told me I have a stupid dream.

This 100% isn’t the first time she has told me what I aspire to be is worthless. When I was in college she told me “it’s not even a real college it’s a community college.” She told me “what could you possible do with an associates in accounting”.

One time we were arguing and my son (6yo at the time)was crying because he wasn’t used to the yelling. She looked at me and said “shut that little brat up.”

Another time my ex husband and I were at her house and she threw her legs over his lap and looked at me as to say “what are you going to do about it?” Granted my ex husband should have said something, but that’s a different story.

Another time she told our friends that I was making fun of them and their lipstick. I literally did not such thing ever. She was for some reason trying to pit my friends against me.

One time I stopped talking to my sister for 2 years. She would stalk my house and drive by it. I saw her a couple times. One time she left a note on my windshield while I was in Walmart.

ANOTHER time my boyfriend at the time told me she grabbed him by the d\*ck.

ANNNOOTHEER time she told me my best friend hated me, was blowing smoke in my face to show disrespect and that I didn’t have any friends because they all hated me. She said the only one truly there for me was her.

ANOTHER time after I had stopped talking to my sister my best friend told me “I’m glad you’re not talking to her anymore.. she was a bad person for you and I don’t want to get into details but the things she’d say about you was not good.”

Aaannd one time I tried to off myself because my ex husband was abusing me and I didn’t want to live anymore. She laughed in my face and said “why would you try to k\*ll yourself with those types of medications? They wouldn’t even k\*ll you.”

Recently she bought a really nice house, graduated as an RN, then went back to get her masters. She even bought her own Mercedes! She’s doing so well in life and I’m happy for her but everyone says she jealous of me? FOR ABSOLUTELY WHAT EXACTLY?!?

I have no idea what to do. She’s the only one I have. Cutting her completely out isn’t as easy as it is said. I want to be able to see my nephews. She says she’d never do anything to hurt me. But it’s very obvious she has some sort of vendetta against me or something.. idk.

❌🛑⚠️TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️🛑❌
🛑Abuse / Suicide🛑

It’s pretty much what it reads. I am convinced my sister prays on my downfall. To be very clear this isn’t a post to bash my sister, I love her and want her in my life, but at this point I don’t know why I want her in my life.

I (28f) and my sister (31f) have always had a rocky relationship. I am not innocent in our past conflicts but I’m not sure what the heck her problem is.

For context, my sister has always downplayed my accomplishments and what feels like she wants me to remain unsuccessful. She’s always attempted to ruin my relationships with friends and family.

Earlier today I told her when I went to school to be an accountant (I had to drop out for serious reason between my ex husband) because I wanted to do non profit financial advice to struggling families. She said and I quote “No financially struggling families have accountants. They can’t afford them. If they can, then it’s because they were dumb with their money. “ I said “it’s non profit.” She comes back with “you’d be making like $3/hr”. Which I replied “ok” then she comes back with “There’s that. Could you afford an accountant? Did you even have enough money to manage? I know when that happened to me I didn’t. I was just making enough to survive less much worried about financial counseling lmao”. I felt like she’d just spat in my face and told me I have a stupid dream.

This 100% isn’t the first time she has told me what I aspire to be is worthless. When I was in college she told me “it’s not even a real college it’s a community college.” She told me “what could you possible do with an associates in accounting”.

One time we were arguing and my son (6yo at the time)was crying because he wasn’t used to the yelling. She looked at me and said “shut that little brat up.”

Another time my ex husband and I were at her house and she threw her legs over his lap and looked at me as to say “what are you going to do about it?” Granted my ex husband should have said something, but that’s a different story.

Another time she told our friends that I was making fun of them and their lipstick. I literally did not such thing ever. She was for some reason trying to pit my friends against me.

One time I stopped talking to my sister for 2 years. She would stalk my house and drive by it. I saw her a couple times. One time she left a note on my windshield while I was in Walmart.

ANOTHER time my boyfriend at the time told me she grabbed him by the d\*ck.

ANNNOOTHEER time she told me my best friend hated me, was blowing smoke in my face to show disrespect and that I didn’t have any friends because they all hated me. She said the only one truly there for me was her.

ANOTHER time after I had stopped talking to my sister my best friend told me “I’m glad you’re not talking to her anymore.. she was a bad person for you and I don’t want to get into details but the things she’d say about you was not good.”

Aaannd one time I tried to off myself because my ex husband was abusing me and I didn’t want to live anymore. She laughed in my face and said “why would you try to k\*ll yourself with those types of medications? They wouldn’t even k\*ll you.”

Recently she bought a really nice house, graduated as an RN, then went back to get her masters. She even bought her own Mercedes! She’s doing so well in life and I’m happy for her but everyone says she jealous of me? FOR ABSOLUTELY WHAT EXACTLY?!?

I have no idea what to do. She’s the only one I have. Cutting her completely out isn’t as easy as it is said. I want to be able to see my nephews. She says she’d never do anything to hurt me. But it’s very obvious she has some sort of vendetta against me or something.. idk.

It’s pretty much what it reads. I am convinced my sister prays on my downfall. To be very clear this isn’t a post to bash my sister, I love her and want her in my life, but at this point I don’t know why I want her in my life.

I (28f) and my sister (31f) have always had a rocky relationship. I am not innocent in our past conflicts but I’m not sure what the heck her problem is.

For context, my sister has always downplayed my accomplishments and what feels like she wants me to remain unsuccessful. She’s always attempted to ruin my relationships with friends and family.

Earlier today I told her when I went to school to be an accountant (I had to drop out for serious reason between my ex husband) because I wanted to do non profit financial advice to struggling families. She said and I quote “No financially struggling families have accountants. They can’t afford them. If they can, then it’s because they were dumb with their money. “ I said “it’s non profit.” She comes back with “you’d be making like $3/hr”. Which I replied “ok” then she comes back with “There’s that. Could you afford an accountant? Did you even have enough money to manage? I know when that happened to me I didn’t. I was just making enough to survive less much worried about financial counseling lmao”. I felt like she’d just spat in my face and told me I have a stupid dream.

This 100% isn’t the first time she has told me what I aspire to be is worthless. When I was in college she told me “it’s not even a real college it’s a community college.” She told me “what could you possible do with an associates in accounting”.

One time we were arguing and my son (6yo at the time)was crying because he wasn’t used to the yelling. She looked at me and said “shut that little brat up.”

Another time my ex husband and I were at her house and she threw her legs over his lap and looked at me as to say “what are you going to do about it?” Granted my ex husband should have said something, but that’s a different story.

Another time she told our friends that I was making fun of them and their lipstick. I literally did not such thing ever. She was for some reason trying to pit my friends against me.

One time I stopped talking to my sister for 2 years. She would stalk my house and drive by it. I saw her a couple times. One time she left a note on my windshield while I was in Walmart.

ANOTHER time my boyfriend at the time told me she grabbed him by the d\*ck.

ANNNOOTHEER time she told me my best friend hated me, was blowing smoke in my face to show disrespect and that I didn’t have any friends because they all hated me. She said the only one truly there for me was her.

ANOTHER time after I had stopped talking to my sister my best friend told me “I’m glad you’re not talking to her anymore.. she was a bad person for you and I don’t want to get into details but the things she’d say about you was not good.”

Aaannd one time I tried to off myself because my ex husband was abusing me and I didn’t want to live anymore. She laughed in my face and said “why would you try to k\*ll yourself with those types of medications? They wouldn’t even k\*ll you.”

There is soooo much more but those are what comes to mind.

Recently she bought a really nice house, graduated as an RN, then went back to get her masters. She even bought her own Mercedes! She’s doing so well in life and I’m happy for her but everyone says she jealous of me? FOR ABSOLUTELY WHAT EXACTLY?!?

I have no idea what to do. She’s the only one I have. Cutting her completely out isn’t as easy as it is said. I want to be able to see my nephews. She says she’d never do anything to hurt me. But it’s very obvious she has some sort of vendetta against me or something.. idk.

TLDR: My sister acts like she hates me and wants me to fail. All I have is her and I love my nephews so I don’t want to just cut her out of my life..

I saw a post earlier about someone who made a bipolar board and it actually almost made me cry...

I’ve always felt kind of “crazy” because I have “list” all over my walls in my house. Example: in my living room I have “Living Room Daily” and “Living Room Thursday” where I write down the chores I do daily and the chores I do on thurs.
I have one of these in the kitchen (mon and Friday), bathroom(Tuesday), bed rooms(Wed), hallways(Saturdays).

Plus I have list posted in my room for “morning routine” and “night routine”.

I also keep track of my moods in a “feelings journal”. Where I make sure I’m not showing symptoms of going too “high” or too “low”.

All of this stuff just makes me feel so weird and not normal. It’s embarrassing when people come over because I thought nobody would understand. Then I saw that post and it seriously was a breath of fresh air.

I’m just seeing if anyone else does list, routines and journals? If so what does your guys look like?