u/Ladypeace_82

Today is our 21st wedding anniversary.

At our 5th in 2010 we were broke, in college and living with his mom.

In 2015 we were literally waiting to see if a seller would take our offer on our first house. (They did)

In May of 2020 the world was closed and we had six month old twins.

2025 I was stressing about a thousand and one things and planning our first vacation with said twins and also family with all my sibs and dad for August.

But every year it's just another day and I'm not even upset we don't celebrate it like others seem to.

It doesn't feel like a big deal.

I feel bad I DON'T feel like it's a big deal.

Mine doesn't. He kinda just floats around here.... I'm keeping this a short post b/c I'm tired of thinking. But Man, if he had a hobby, something to chill himself. He's got time. I don't, you know, b/c kids.

Tablets or yells at them when I work. I wfh remotely. During events I can't have my kids in and out of the office, he's with them. He never plays with them. They are six. b/g twins. He just makes them get on their tablets or yells at them when they want his attention. My daughter I'm sure has severe ADHD like I have and I'm suspecting PDA as well. My son is ADHD as well but outwardly things affect her worse. He just ignores everything I say and have sent him about their brain growth and comprehension. He acts like they should have a fully functional brain ALL the time. Gets pissed when they can't articulate well and he rushes them when they try to get thoughts out. I'm ranting and frustrated. It's that whole thing that b/c I sent or read stuff about how they just can't hear him or understand him when he's like that. He just says stupid crap like "yeah right." as if nothing I send him is literal documented, peer reviewed child psychology stuff. WHY can't men just understand that women literally have natural instincts, whether they birthed the kid or not. I'm not making any sense. I'm legit just livid. My little girl drew a picture and put it under my door while i was working. It's her with a sad face. I took a risk while working to go address this as we have a camera in the living room. I'm witnessing all this. Her crying and him "what's wrong with you" type stuff. Sorry. I'm totally rambling. This that whole thing where women literally do not know what kind of dad their mate will be until the kid is literally in their everyday lives. There's NO predicting it unless that man already has kids and you can see it before marriage. When I went out there during my job I told him tehy just want your attention and to play. He "said" they only want to play this one thing and I don't want to play it. He "says" he suggested other things. Based on his mood today, I don't think that happened, but I can't knock it. So I threw out a quick list of things he can do with them. Daughter latched onto one. She's totally masking her feelings. But she didn't want to go get the coloring book that was next to him. "why not?" "because I'm scared" He says "scared of what?" I said "scared of you." He asks, why I don't bite. I told him she's afraid you're going to yell at her, berate her, get rudely sarcastic with her. He surprisingly didn't have a snarky rebuttal. I had to go back upstairs. Now my son is on the damn ipad on the couch, daughter is drawing pictures for daddy and he's playing on a handheld xbox gaming console while she draws. People say you marry someone like your father. My dad didn't yell at us. He was the one that stayed quiet so you had to stop being loud and listen. Yeah, he still belted us with a metal studded belt. But he wasn't a yeller and he didn't verbally threaten. So I guess I didn't marry someone like my dad in regards to talking calmly and quietly and being reasonable. Sorry for the out of control spew I just did here. I unfortunately don't have anyone to talk to. Not even my own mother.

I recently discovered the term "functional play." I have 6.5 year old b/g twins. Neither are that great at playing by themselves. Used to be the boy could self-entertain with anything around the house. Now he can't. She can at least do pretend play by herself with dolls. They used to pretend play a lot together and now not so much. When they do, it can last for hours. But they are playing together. I've been trying to figure out how to help my son. There doesn't seem to be anything we have that interest him other than a new Lego set to build (which he can do the 18+ ones within one day) We've known he's got an engineer's mind since day one. He doesn't like to play with cars, figurines or anything like that. He just wants to build or figure things out. But we only have so much space and money to foster that kind of thing. Keeping this short. We've already had a lot but in the off chance someone has some suggestions of contained self-play ideas for functional play? Ideas?

ETA: Forgot to add the self-entertain part is backyard and indoor access only. The times when I need to do grown up home things and cannot have them out front unsupervised.