u/Lambrijr

For context, I got married back in 2023. I had just come out of a 10 year bad relationship, and so I quickly tried to find a new person. We dated for a year, I proposed, we got married a year later. After a few months, we realized she was infertile. Because one of our main couple goals was to have kids, we started looking into fostering. We bought a home together, fixed it up, and eventually got approved to foster. After a brief one month stint, we ended up with our current pair, a 3 & 5 year old. Unfortunately, one of the side effects of having 2 very high needs young children around was a slow decay of our relationship. I at one point tried to initiate a fantasy of hers that required a lot more up front communication, and it pretty much broke us. Back in December she finally decided she wanted a divorce.

Fast forward to now. We still haven't re-submitted the dissolution paperwork(we missed a form the first time), and since she initiated the process i have to keep pushing her to do it. Problem is, she has raging ADHD, chronic pain, insomnia, you name it. So she forgets to do stuff all the time. She doesn't clean, she doesn't cook anymore, she barely helps take care of the kids. SO for the past year, its been on me. Wake the kids up, get them to preschool/daycare. Go to work an hour away. Change my whole work schedule to make sure I get them picked up on time, because by the time she gets home from work(She was work from home until she slept in too much and work decided to force her in-office for a few months)she's too tired and in pain. SO I get home with these two kids and have to figure out dinner, bed, etc all while she's in her room talking to her friends. If I ask her to help with dinner she just orders something off Uber, despite us already struggling with money due to the fucked up nature of our economy and some of her spending habits.

The other thing that gets me is that ever since December(and really before, but to a lesser degree)she talks to a lot of guys. And after the official dissolution declaration, she's been dating guys. Mostly online, but she's gone on a date or two with some. And its culminating in this weekend, where she asked me to solo the kids while she goes off 2 hours away to stay with her "friend" for the weekend. Funny how she managed to pack some lingerie and toys(I didn't actively snoop, but I just glanced in her room this morning and saw the evidence). So not only is she dragging her feet, now she's just making me solo parent these kids who I love, but they wear me down after a day or two so that she can go get HER needs filled. Meanwhile I morally can't do that, because we're still married and living together. And even if I could get over that part, I'd have to find time, and even more importantly someone to do that with. And unfortunately I'm a mite autistic, struggle to meet people or make connections, and on top of that have never just had casual sex. My brain doesn't differentiate between sex and love, its a problem.

SO yeah. I'm such a pushover that I can't even do anything about it. so I just have to sit here and try to process all these emotions - which I struggle with anyway - and on Monday I'm just going to have to push for the papers to be submitted again. Then I have to push for us to finally sell the house and be separate. Otherwise I might finally let out all these pent up emotions, and that would just end up with more arguements. Thank you for reading that if you did, hope you have a wonderful day.

Does anybody know why, about halfway through Cults search results, everything seems to start repeating itself?