u/Lanky_Head6122

So in these types of autism-related subs I notice a common theme of advice/suggestion handed out in response to loneliness complaints is (roughly) along the lines of "just go find other ND people to hang out with then" or "you just have to go where other ND people are"

But this is flawed advice if you think about it. I would wager a guess that most of us ND/autistic types trend towards the shy introvert or "homebody" personality type... so naturally we won't go outside much or physically go "hang out" somewhere. For example it's Memorial Day weekend coming up here in America, and my plans? Absolutely nothing, probably won't leave my apartment other than maybe a fast-food run or two and a quick trip to the grocery store

So online you and me might be perfectly compatible, share a lot of similar experiences/takes regarding living as an ND, and would otherwise make great friends but - you simply won't see me out in the physical world and we will never physically meet, I'll be at home in my apartment and out of sight. And of course, the people you actually encounter out in the physical/real world are most likely NT "normal" people (...and most likely the outgoing extroverted variety) which we are not compatible with/don't jive with due to our different brain wiring

I would even wager that a lot of us avoid going to the actual autism-specific meetup groups in our local area simply because we don't want to publicly be known as autistic (or we keep it on the downlow/secret). For example I don't openly tell anyone I am autistic, nor have I ever told an employer I am autistic. It might be different in other places like in Europe, but over here in America there really aren't any "benefits" to be derived from openly announcing that you are an ND type. Personally I prefer to just lean heavily on a "quiet shy guy that doesn't talk much" act in my daily life rather than openly telling people around me I am autistic - the fake shy guy act gets sympathy/stays under the radar, openly "coming out" as being autistic does not

Unfortunately we will always struggle to make/keep friends for a number of reasons, but the one that doesn't get mentioned much on here is that our kind are most likely going to be... at home and out of sight. So this "just go hang out with other NDs" advice really doesn't work for a lot of us as explained above, there is no easy answer for our specific loneliness problem sadly

So in these types of autism-related subs I notice a common theme of advice/suggestion handed out in response to loneliness complaints is (roughly) along the lines of "just go find other ND people to hang out with then" or "you just have to go where other ND people are"

But this is flawed advice if you think about it. I would wager a guess that most of us ND/autistic types trend towards the shy introvert or "homebody" personality type... so naturally we won't go outside much or physically go "hang out" somewhere. For example it's Memorial Day weekend coming up here in America, and my plans? Absolutely nothing, probably won't leave my apartment other than maybe a fast-food run or two and a quick trip to the grocery store

So online you and me might be perfectly compatible, share a lot of similar experiences/takes regarding living as an ND, and would otherwise make great friends but - you simply won't see me out in the physical world and we will never physically meet, I'll be at home in my apartment and out of sight. And of course, the people you actually encounter out in the physical/real world are most likely NT "normal" people (...and most likely the outgoing extroverted variety) which we are not compatible with/don't jive with due to our different brain wiring

I would even wager that a lot of us avoid going to the actual autism-specific meetup groups in our local area simply because we don't want to publicly be known as autistic (or we keep it on the downlow/secret). For example I don't openly tell anyone I am autistic, nor have I ever told an employer I am autistic. It might be different in other places like in Europe, but over here in America there really aren't any "benefits" to be derived from openly announcing that you are an ND type. Personally I prefer to just lean heavily on a "quiet shy guy that doesn't talk much" act in my daily life rather than openly telling people around me I am autistic - the fake shy guy act gets sympathy/stays under the radar, openly "coming out" as being autistic does not

Unfortunately we will always struggle to make/keep friends for a number of reasons, but the one that doesn't get mentioned much on here is that our kind are most likely going to be... at home and out of sight. So this "just go hang out with other NDs" advice really doesn't work for a lot of us as explained above, there is no easy answer for our specific loneliness problem sadly

Now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever seen or heard of an autistic/ND person being "hateful" or "hostile" towards a NT person completely unprovoked in the same way they commonly treat us. The "hate" or "hostility" is always a one-way street instigated by the NT against the autistic person, often for literally no reason at all because they are (apparently) hard-wired to automatically dislike us at a certain level 🙄

The completely uncalled-for rudeness, the completely uncalled-for disrespect, the completely uncalled-for undercurrent of "hostility" (you can sort of "feel" it in their tone of voice and subtle mannerisms even if they're putting on a fake/polite smile while talking to you) we have all experienced at one point or another in our lives when interacting with NTs... it is always the normal person as the aggressor

In the context of neurotypical-neurodivergent relations there are actually some striking and uncanny similarities to racism. Think back to the Jim Crow era in America - blacks basically had to "keep their head down" in their daily life (our version of this is basically "masking") to avoid drawing attention to themselves, had to deal with a similar undercurrent of "hostility" from the general public despite not doing anything to deserve it, were expected to just tolerate blatant/naked rudeness and disrespect left and right and chastised for daring to stand up to said rudeness and disrespect, were openly treated like 2nd class citizens, etc etc

Strangely, NTs are completely oblivious to what awful people they are being when they are dishing out their (seemingly) kneejerk-reaction hostility on an autistic ND person completely unprovoked. In fact, other nearby NTs will even come "gang up on" or otherwise JOIN IN ON making fun of/dishing out hate and disrespect on the innocent ND person in question!!

These same exact people will virtue-signal about being "tolerant" and "accepting" regarding other things like race or sexual orientation, and quickly shut down or call out other fellow NTs for being racist (for example) or saying racist shit... but when it comes to treating NDs like subhumans or 2nd class citizens their hivemind consensus still seems to be "it's fine" despite all their virtue-signalling bullshit about being "tolerant" people or whatever 😂

Now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever seen or heard of an autistic/ND person being "hateful" or "hostile" towards a neurotypical normie completely unprovoked in the same way they commonly treat us. The "hate" or "hostility" is ALWAYS a one-way street instigated by the neurotypical against the neurodivergent, often for literally no reason at all because they are (apparently) hard-wired to automatically dislike us at a certain level 🙄

The completely uncalled-for rudeness, the completely uncalled-for disrespect, the completely uncalled-for undercurrent of "hostility" (you can sort of "feel" it in their tone of voice and subtle mannerisms even if they're putting on a fake/polite smile while talking to you) we have all experienced at one point or another in our lives when interacting with NTs... it is always the neurotypical as the aggressor

In the context of neurotypical-neurodivergent relations there are actually some striking and uncanny similarities to racism. Think back to the Jim Crow era in America - blacks basically had to "keep their head down" (our version of this is basically "masking") in their daily life, had to deal with a similar undercurrent of "hostility" from the general public despite not doing anything to deserve it, were expected to just tolerate blatant/naked rudeness and disrespect left and right and chastised for daring to stand up to said rudeness and disrespect, were openly treated like 2nd class citizens, etc

Strangely, NTs are completely oblivious to what awful/shitty people they are being when they are dishing out their hate on an autistic ND person completely unprovoked. In fact, other nearby NTs will even come "gang up on" or otherwise JOIN IN ON making fun of/dishing out hate and disrespect on the ND person in question!!

These same exact people will virtue-signal about being "tolerant" and "accepting" regarding things like race or sexual orientation, and quickly shut down or call out other fellow NTs for being racist (for example) or saying racist shit... but when it comes to treating NDs like subhumans or 2nd class citizens their hivemind consensus still seems to be "it's fine" despite all their virtue-signalling bullshit about being "tolerant" people or whatever 😂

Now that I think about it, I don't think I've ever seen or heard of an autistic/ND person being "hateful" or "hostile" towards a neurotypical normie completely unprovoked in the same way they commonly treat us. The "hate" or "hostility" is ALWAYS a one-way street instigated by the neurotypical against the neurodivergent, often for literally no reason at all because they are (apparently) hard-wired to automatically dislike us at a certain level 🙄

The completely uncalled-for rudeness, the completely uncalled-for disrespect, the completely uncalled-for undercurrent of "hostility" (you can sort of "feel" it in their tone of voice and subtle mannerisms even if they're putting on a fake/polite smile while talking to you) we have all experienced at one point or another in our lives when interacting with NTs... it is always the neurotypical as the aggressor

In the context of neurotypical-neurodivergent relations there are actually some striking and uncanny similarities to racism. Think back to the Jim Crow era in America - blacks basically had to "keep their head down" (our version of this is basically "masking") in their daily life, had to deal with a similar undercurrent of "hostility" from the general public despite not doing anything to deserve it, were expected to just tolerate blatant/naked rudeness and disrespect left and right and chastised for daring to stand up to said rudeness and disrespect, were openly treated like 2nd class citizens, etc

Strangely, NTs are completely oblivious to what awful/shitty people they are being when they are dishing out their hate on an autistic ND person completely unprovoked. In fact, other nearby NTs will even come "gang up on" or otherwise JOIN IN ON making fun of/dishing out hate and disrespect on the innocent ND person in question!!

These same exact people will virtue-signal about being "tolerant" and "accepting" regarding things like race or sexual orientation, and quickly shut down or call out other fellow NTs for being racist (for example) or saying racist shit... but when it comes to treating NDs like subhumans or 2nd class citizens their hivemind consensus still seems to be "it's fine" despite all their virtue-signalling bullshit about being "tolerant" people or whatever 😂

Full disclosure I am a Millennial in my late-30s, I was wondering how common my experience is...

So growing up in the 90's and even into the early 2000's the general level of knowledge (amongst the general public) surrounding what autism is mostly pertained to those kids who could barely even talk, were prone to random temper tantrums, and the ones who had very obvious deformities to their skull or other signs of brain damage - like the type of kids you knew were basically going to be disabled forever, not even able to hold down a menial job

I knew one such kid from my childhood neighborhood, he was almost completely non-verbal (only able to utter random grunts or gibberish, he also drooled here and there) at age 6 although he would sometimes play with us anyways in the communal apartment complex courtyard. He had a bit of a short/trigger-happy temper so we were nice to him and careful to avoid upsetting him, his quirk was he would break dishes and bite into glass when angry - which upset his mom considerably (both because she would have to clean up the broken glass and also because biting into glass is bad for your teeth obviously)

Anyways, with the internet and rising awareness post-2000s it seemed like the general public's level of knowledge regarding autism gradually shifted to the current "spectrum" understanding where it's not as black and white as the unfortunate childhood neighborhood kid I described above

It took me until well into adulthood in my late 20's - I think it was 2016 or 2017 when I had that "ah ha, so THATS why socializing seems hard!" epiphany and I suddenly put 2 and 2 together - to realize I myself was also on the spectrum. For the LONGEST TIME i simply thought I was shy and that's why I struggled socially... but as I read more and more about the signs and symptoms of ASD it slowly became undeniable that I was also autistic 😩

I still can't believe it took me close to 30 fucking years to notice or discover I had a condition which is basically a quasi-disability of sorts 🤦‍♂️ Although to be fair, simply being shy/introverted does have a good deal of "overlap" with ASD symptoms - so I can see how it can go undetected for an extended period of time (sometimes literally decades) if everyone around you/other kids/parents/teachers simply think you are shy

Anyways, I was curious if anyone else had a similar experience regarding their awareness level (that sobering "oh, it's not JUST those non-verbal kids?" realization)... when did you first notice that it's not a "black and white" or binary "0 or 1" condition?

Full disclosure I am a Millennial in my late-30s, I was wondering how common my experience is...

So growing up in the 90's and even into the early 2000's the general level of knowledge (amongst the general public) surrounding what autism is mostly pertained to those kids who could barely even talk, were prone to random temper tantrums, and the ones who had very obvious deformities to their skull or other signs of brain damage - like the type of kids you knew were basically going to be disabled forever, not even able to hold down a menial job

I knew one such kid from my childhood neighborhood, he was almost completely non-verbal (only able to utter random grunts or gibberish, he also drooled here and there) at age 6 although he would sometimes play with us anyways in the communal apartment complex courtyard. He had a bit of a short/trigger-happy temper so we were nice to him and careful to avoid upsetting him, his quirk was he would break dishes and bite into glass when angry - which upset his mom considerably (both because she would have to clean up the broken glass and also because biting into glass is bad for your teeth obviously)

Anyways, with the internet and rising awareness post-2000s it seemed like the general public's level of knowledge regarding autism gradually shifted to the current "spectrum" understanding where it's not as black and white as the unfortunate childhood neighborhood kid I described above

It took me until well into adulthood in my late 20's - I think it was 2016 or 2017 when I had that "ah ha, so THATS why socializing seems hard!" epiphany and I suddenly put 2 and 2 together - to realize I myself was also on the spectrum. For the LONGEST TIME i simply thought I was shy and that's why I struggled socially... but as I read more and more about the signs and symptoms of ASD it slowly became undeniable that I was also autistic 😩

I still can't believe it took me close to 30 fucking years to notice or discover I had a condition which is basically a quasi-disability of sorts 🤦‍♂️ Although to be fair, simply being shy/introverted does have a good deal of "overlap" with ASD symptoms - so I can see how it can go undetected for an extended period of time (sometimes literally decades) if everyone around you/other kids/parents/teachers simply think you are shy

Anyways, I was curious if anyone else had a similar experience regarding their awareness level (that sobering "oh, it's not JUST those non-verbal kids?" realization)... when did you first notice that it's not a "black and white" or binary "0 or 1" condition?

Full disclosure I am a Millennial in my late-30s, I was wondering how common my experience is...

So growing up in the 90's and even into the early 2000's the general level of knowledge (amongst the general public) surrounding what autism is mostly pertained to those kids who could barely even talk, were prone to random temper tantrums, and the ones who had very obvious deformities to their skull or other signs of brain damage - like the type of kids you knew were basically going to be disabled forever, not even able to hold down a menial job

I knew one such kid from my childhood neighborhood, he was almost completely non-verbal (only able to utter random grunts or gibberish, he also drooled here and there) at age 6 although he would sometimes play with us anyways in the communal apartment complex courtyard. He had a bit of a short/trigger-happy temper so we were nice to him and careful to avoid upsetting him, his quirk was he would break dishes and bite into glass when angry - which upset his mom considerably (both because she would have to clean up the broken glass and also because biting into glass is bad for your teeth obviously)

Anyways, with the internet and rising awareness post-2000s it seemed like the general public's level of knowledge regarding autism gradually shifted to the current "spectrum" understanding where it's not as black and white as the unfortunate childhood neighborhood kid I described above

It took me until well into adulthood in my late 20's - I think it was 2016 or 2017 when I had that "ah ha, so THATS why socializing seems hard!" epiphany and I suddenly put 2 and 2 together - to realize I myself was also on the spectrum. For the LONGEST TIME i simply thought I was shy and that's why I struggled socially... but as I read more and more about the signs and symptoms of ASD it slowly became undeniable that I was also autistic 😩

I still can't believe it took me close to 30 fucking years to notice or discover I had a condition which is basically a quasi-disability of sorts 🤦‍♂️ Although to be fair, simply being shy/introverted does have a good deal of "overlap" with ASD symptoms - so I can see how it can go undetected for an extended period of time (sometimes literally decades) if everyone around you/other kids/parents/teachers simply think you are shy

Anyways, I was curious if anyone else had a similar experience regarding their awareness level (that sobering "oh, it's not JUST those non-verbal kids?" realization)... when did you first notice that it's not a "black and white" or binary "0 or 1" condition?

Full disclosure I am a Millennial in my late-30s, I was wondering how common my experience is...

So growing up in the 90's and even into the early 2000's the general level of knowledge (amongst the general public) surrounding what autism is mostly pertained to those kids who could barely even talk, were prone to random temper tantrums, and the ones who had very obvious deformities to their skull or other signs of brain damage - like the type of kids you knew were basically going to be disabled forever, not even able to hold down a menial job

I knew one such kid from my childhood neighborhood, he was almost completely non-verbal (only able to utter random grunts or gibberish, he also drooled here and there) at age 6 although he would sometimes play with us anyways in the communal apartment complex courtyard. He had a bit of a short/trigger-happy temper so we were nice to him and careful to avoid upsetting him, his quirk was he would break dishes and bite into glass when angry - which upset his mom considerably (both because she would have to clean up the broken glass and also because biting into glass is bad for your teeth obviously)

Anyways, with the internet and rising awareness post-2000s it seemed like the general public's level of knowledge regarding autism gradually shifted to the current "spectrum" understanding where it's not as black and white as the unfortunate childhood neighborhood kid I described above

It took me until well into adulthood in my late 20's - I think it was 2016 or 2017 when I had that "ah ha, so THATS why socializing seems hard!" epiphany and I suddenly put 2 and 2 together - to realize I myself was also on the spectrum. For the LONGEST TIME i simply thought I was shy and that's why I struggled socially... but as I read more and more about the signs and symptoms of ASD it slowly became undeniable that I was also autistic 😩

I still can't believe it took me close to 30 fucking years to notice or discover I had a condition which is basically a quasi-disability of sorts 🤦‍♂️ Although to be fair, simply being shy/introverted does have a good deal of "overlap" with ASD symptoms - so I can see how it can go undetected for an extended period of time (sometimes literally decades) if everyone around you/other kids/parents/teachers simply think you are shy

Anyways, I was curious if anyone else had a similar experience regarding their awareness level (that sobering "oh, it's not JUST those non-verbal kids?" realization)... when did you first notice that it's not a "black and white" or binary "0 or 1" condition?

So we have a younger family member that started as a CCA last year (April 2025). At first I remember they grinded him really hard, he worked 6 days a week and sometimes did not come home until 9-9:30 PMish. We were kinda worried that maybe he was getting worked TOO hard since 9:30ish come-home times sound excessive at first glance, but lurking on this sub I also know that late end-times for the lowly "grunt" types are not uncommon either

Anyways, he settled into his job and continued to work the rest of the year. More recently - say, the last 2 months or so - my aunt has said that his work schedule seems more spotty. He'll work two days, have the third day off. Back in early April he randomly had 3 consecutive days off in a row, which she also found odd since he typically works 6 days on/1 day off. When she asked him about it he simply said he had taken some vacation days, fair enough I guess

This past Sunday he had off, then yesterday (Monday) he worked a full shift, then today (Tuesday) I heard he is sleeping in since he apparently has the day off

I guess we were wondering what could be an explanation for this? Normal or not? Seems to me that him going from steadily working 6 day on/1 day off shifts to having a spotty schedule recently could possibly mean trouble? Her concern is that maybe he'll be let go soon, or that he's looking for the exit door with such a "sudden" spotty work schedule. Neither scenario is ideal since she is a single mom and him helping her out with the bills really takes a load off of her

Or perhaps work in the area simply slowed down? But reading this sub it's my understanding that the post office typically has "too much" work (relative to the pay) instead 😂 ...so I'm doubting that

She does not speak English and isn't familiar with reddit, so I figured I would throw out the question to hopefully get some clarity on how CCA scheduling or time off works, or any other thoughts given the details provided

For the longest time I assumed I was just shy and that's why I struggled socially, to some degree I viewed it as a personal failing before I became aware of what autism is - for a long time I genuinely thought I just needed to "try harder" in social settings, I just needed to "put myself out there more", I just needed to work on my social skills, etc

Eventually discovering that I had a PERMANENT mental handicap condition was both very sobering and black-pilling on a certain level. You have that "ah ha" moment where everything suddenly makes sense, and you realize you never had a chance to begin with... as far as ever having a normal social life anyways

There is some (minor) consolation in realizing that it's not your fault - your past social struggles up to that "ah ha" epiphany didn't have anything to do with you or your personal failings - but realizing that you never had a chance to begin with is still a pretty bitter pill to swallow

For the longest time I assumed I was just shy and that's why I struggled socially, to some degree I viewed it as a personal failing before I became aware of what autism is - for a long time I genuinely thought I just needed to "try harder" in social settings, I just needed to "put myself out there more", I just needed to work on my social skills, etc

Eventually discovering that I had a PERMANENT mental handicap condition was both very sobering and black-pilling on a certain level. You have that "ah ha" moment where everything suddenly makes sense, and you realize you never had a chance to begin with... as far as ever having a normal social life anyways

There is some (minor) consolation in realizing that it's not your fault - your past social struggles up to that "ah ha" epiphany didn't have anything to do with you or your personal failings - but realizing that you never had a chance to begin with is still a pretty bitter pill to swallow

For the longest time I assumed I was just shy and that's why I struggled socially, to some degree I viewed it as a personal failing before I became aware of what autism is - for a long time I genuinely thought I just needed to "try harder" in social settings, I just needed to "put myself out there more", I just needed to work on my social skills, etc

Eventually discovering that I had a PERMANENT mental handicap condition was both very sobering and black-pilling on a certain level. You have that "ah ha" moment where everything suddenly makes sense, and you realize you never had a chance to begin with... as far as ever having a normal social life anyways

There is some (minor) consolation in realizing that it's not your fault - your past social struggles up to that "ah ha" epiphany didn't have anything to do with you or your personal failings - but realizing that you never had a chance to begin with is still a pretty bitter pill to swallow