My boyfriend (ex) had his mom return my stuff.
It was a messy breakup, we took a month long “break” and when we got back he didn’t look happy to see me and didn’t want to hear what I wanted to say so I told him I’m sorry we can stay friends but I can’t entertain this back and forth. I admit it was fast and quick and said in the heat of the moment. This had been our like 4th time trying to “fix” it.
The next day I called him and said I still stand on what I said but that I just needed someone to be there emotionally for me when i have to open up. He asked what I was going to tell him and I hesitated but chose the truth. At this point I wondered if i was just expecting a bad reaction.
On our first date I had gotten rejected by someone in our social circle (we went on one date) but I never thought I’d see him again and honestly figured it was for the best since he’d probably make a better friend. He didn’t put effort in and my partner put a love bombing amount in. I initially didnt meet up with my ex boyfriend cause I was processing it and ghosted him by accident (said I was going to a group thing but went home cause the host didn’t specifically invite me)Anyway a bit later my friend encouraged me to msg him. We hit it off and I thought it was a dream. He was learning my second language and even wanted to convert. I was hesitant and took it slow. Anyway he was a bit, over excited and early on pushed sexual boundaries. My therapist kind of talked me out of getting mad “sounds like he just got caught up”
Anyway I digress, because at this point, all I need is validation that this experience was weird.
things I noticed:
We’d FaceTime a lot early in the relationship and one day his mom was randomly was in his house. She just walked in. I didn’t think too much since I like seeing strong support networks for loved ones.
Then, when my parents got involved they didn’t approve. I think mainly it’s for religious reasons but beyond that they had concerns about his last marriage. He’s eight years older.
One time he said he was worried he was grooming me like his ex wife did. I work in mental health so I understood hurt people are afraid of hurting others sometime.
His dad was mean. Said I was only with him for money (until he saw the car I drove and realized that’s not the case : god help the next girl) they would drop little hints or talk about money weird before that but that went away.
He would lash out about his childhood to his mom (like you didn’t care about me type stuff) and I will say we both came from emotionally neglected childhood. Again a lot of this I “understood” but shouldn’t have tolerated. His mom was always up in our business.
For Valentine’s Day I wanted roses from a specific shop that I used to work for and it was a little out of the way but the only thing I asked for. He went with the flowers his mom told him to get at different grocery store. I stressed on the phone that it was impotent to me and I ended up being really upset but trying to explain why I asked for the flowers.
He was also really really weird sexually early on and I feels so disappointed I didn’t leave sooner. I think I didn’t handle the rejection of the other dude. (I should add it was perceived rejection the guy liked me but just as I did he chose someone that was more consistent and it worked for him. )
Okay so i miscommunicated or honestly he was looking to misunderstand. I told him seeing that guy again just kind of made me remember I had a crush on him back then and it probably contributed to me acting weird. (I was trying to make sure our relationship looked better than his) my ego was very unchecked.
He told me that the 2 years meant nothing and I wasted his time. He said I had feelings for someone else in the beginning and that why I’d break up with him. We broke up on the day he got engaged but mostly I was just upset because he had stopped trying and didn’t put any effort into talking about a wedding. In fact when I first asked where our honey moon was going to be he laughed and said a truck stop.
I continued to date him a year and a half after that.
He smiled when he said he never wanted to speak to me again. It was the scariest thing.
Finally, which honestly made me LAUGH, his mom reached out and told me to pick up my stuff from an office by the airport. It felt weird. I told her sorry it didn’t work out but thanks for coordinating and when I planned to get it
It’s like I can tell there’s this whole narrative that I had feelings for another man and that I broke up with him because of it. When in reality we were in a long distance relationship, with two families that were dysfunctional, and undergoing a lot of financial setbacks. We both cracked under repeated loss of trust on both sides. (I lost trust after the sexual incident and tried to trust again but really could never fully)
My brother who’s out of town says I should bring someone to get my stuff. That it sounds sketchy. I only know two men, and one of them is the dude so that’s a no and the other has work. I honestly didn’t mind going alone but I’m planning on giving him furniture back.
Honestly I know I’m not all good. There was ways I neglected the relationship that I regret and have apologized for. I also let my enmeshed parents demolish my wellbeing and the wellbeing of my relationship.
To clarify
I went on one date with guy, we both fumbled it, both later found our partners. I did not contact him what so ever after I got into a relationship and the only reason we talked is cause we were in a wedding together. No communication whatsoever because I was happy with my parneter. Once I admitted I had a crush I realized it was cause me and him weren’t doing well.
Btw I think there was an element of stalking because we met in a class and he told me he saw me and dropped cause he knew his feeling would be trouble or something like that. He showed up seven months later learning my second language. Maybe I’m just paranoid