u/LeatherAd9694

I have two kids with an age gap of 2.5 years (younger one is 1.5 years old). I breastfed my first until they were 21 months and then I had to stop because I was pregnant with my second. The second one has also been breastfed although I had seriously thought about introducing a bottle this time round so there would be less dependence on me. But PND, and zero support meant I had no time to sterilise and make bottles or pump, so we just carried on breastfeeding. She's now 1.5 years old - has meals and drinks, but does not accept milk in a bottle or cup. She is totally boob obsessed and when I'm around, wants it on demand in the daytime and for sleep. She has a strong sleep association with feeding too. This has meant I have become an oversupplier, with engorged breasts, leakage and pain when Im at work. She attends nursery and manages to sleep there without milk.

I have tried every bottle I could - to no avail. Sippy cups too. But it seems my kids (both) have been extremely difficult to wean from breastfeeding. I am absolutely done, mentally and physically from breast feeding for a grand total of 21 months (first time) + 18 months (this time) =39 months = almost 3 years of my life breastfeeding. I hate that I cannot wear what I want, have certain medication, struggle with finding bras that are supportive and also nursing friendly, feeding in public, feeding in awkward positions in carseat.

I spoke to my GP and was given cabergoline, which dried me up but my child just dry nursed her way back to causing me to lactate again. We are again in this cycle of 8-10 hours without her mean I'm seeing a patient in clinic and my boobs physically ache and are ready to explode. At times I can feel one breast larger than the other which makes me so conscious and uncomfortable. I actually want to cry while writing this.

1. Ive tried putting bandaid - led to lots of crying so had to give up.

2. Tried using some bitter tasting edible balm - she didnt flinch.

3. Tried to distract - no chance.

4. Gave to dad - cried for hours and eventually slept but woke up after an hour demanding feed

I'm done. I'm so damn done. HV have textbook advice which doesnt work - for my first one they just said go cold turkey and stop if nothing else works. I feel so resentful towards everyone who says breastfeeding is the best. As a FTM, I wanted to do everything by the book so stuck to breastfeeding and realized that I have to carry less equipment, no need to sterilize and my baby was happy to feed so continued. Second time, I was in the trenches of PND and breastfeeding saved me the admin required for pumping and also helped manage the guilt of not giving much time to my younger one. But I'm done, overstimulated, mentally and physically exhausted.

Id really appreciate any tips and reassurance. :-(

Thanks

An extremely depleted mum

I have a 3.5 year old daughter who was found to be a GLP when she was 2.5 year old. She has progressed quite well and is at stage 4/5 of NLA. NHS SLT have discharged her. She is on the waiting list for an ASD assessment.

I try to go over and beyond to incorporate as much of modeling, mitigation, pretend play, question and answering etc when I play with her. I found private therapists just using the basic analytical strategies on her and there is extremely limited resources for GLPs in the NHS...you dont get offered much and are put on the ASD assessment pathway. (This is my experience and opinion). She attends nursery 3 days a week.

Some days I am so impressed and satisfied with how much she's talking. On some I will start getting anxious about her sounding very stuck and just scripting. I feel extremely alone as Idk who to share my anxieties with. I am told Im either being too picky or that I'm overthinking everything. Either way, I know I do not have much control over a lot of things...but as a mother, it breaks my heart as she will be starting school next year and I worry about how she will manage. The point of this post is to seek support, validation and reassurance.

I just want to give her my all....without making it sound like its all about me or I'm ashamed of her. Im just worried about her all the time and extremely sensitive too. Im sorry if this sounds messed up. Thanks in advance.

Just thinking out loud here. Dont want to dox myself, but I am in higher training in Psychiatry. For the last few years I cannot help but feel a sense of isolation and aloofness in training. Maybe more so post COVID. The frequent rotations, change in work arrangements (LTFT), OOPE etc leave one completely out of sync and very very isolated. Even without these factors, I haven't really experienced a sense of "fraternity" or "comraderie" amongst those that trained together for years, prepared for exams together and ended up working in the same locality. I initially attributed this to being an IMG, who was probably not the first choice to hang out with for others due to lack of common ground, but even after being in the NHS for years on end, this never seems to change. Are there really no friendships or sense of fellowship in training? Everything seems very transactional- exam driven, interview driven etc. Is this experience unique to me or have others had similar experiences? I understand competition and professional jealously, but seriously? Is it unrealistic to expect any maturity from adults to look past this aspect too? I do not have many IMGs in my Deanery, so can't say whether this is something to factor in too.

Sorry if this sounds like a rant. Keen to hear others' experiences!