u/Leavesinfall321

I’ve known since I was young that having children would be very difficult for me because of a disability that I have, a couple of years ago I heard that it was impossible. I tried to accept it and move on with my life, because there is nothing I can change but it is SO HARD. Nobody knows that I cry about it every day. I am so incredibly depressed and sad about the fact that the thing that comes naturally to so many other people is impossible for me. What hurts me the most is the fact that we only get one life to live, so I’ll never ever experience motherhood. There is no second chance. Just one life and this is my destiny? I’ll never experience pregnancy, birth, raising children, looking at my child and see myself in them, have beautiful experiences with them like birthdays and holidays.
It feels so unfair and it hurts me so much. Does anyone have some words of encouragement?

So a week ago I posted on this sub that I regretted my conversion to Catholicism from Protestantism. I think I really want to go back to being a Protestant but (I know it might sound strange) I just don’t know how? Where do I start?

I was Protestant for just 2 years and a Catholic for 10 years after that so I don’t really know how to live a Protestant life. How can I get my relationship with Jesus back and grow in faith and understanding? How do you practice the faith on the daily? What does a day look like? Which books do I read and how do I life a real Christian life? I would love to get some insights.

12 years ago I became a Christian in a Protestant church, through a miracle. I didn’t know anything about Christianity so I started reading a lot about it and watched online videos. I wanted to know everything about this wonderful God that saved me. I was Protestant for 2 years when I got really convinced of Catholicism by all the arguments online and in books (the idea that the RCC is from to the early church, based on the church fathers and all the councils etc). I became very fervently Catholic and I fully bought into the idea of the one and only true Church. I felt like it must be true, isn’t all the evidence there, right in front of our eyes? Can’t we read all the church fathers and all the councils? I could not imagine anyone not being Catholic if they just knew that.

But if I am honest I never truly connected to the Catholic faith practice the same way I did when I was a practicing Protestant. I didn’t feel the same peace and love, I didn’t have the same community, and most importantly: my relationship with Jesus was different. The way I practiced my faith really changed, it started to feel focused on spiritual performance: avoiding mortal sin, being worthy for communion, praying the rosary, accepting suffering as something good, and asceticism. I truly gave it my all but to be honest I could never really deeply connect with those practices. This realization was something that I pushed away for a long time, because I felt like I was the problem: If this is the true Church of Jesus Christ and they recommend these practices, then shouldn’t I feel closer to Him through these practices? Aren’t these practices recommended by all the saints and church fathers?There must be something wrong with me.

But after struggling with practicing Catholicism for years, becoming depressed, developing religious OCD and eventually even resenting the Church and being angry with God, I knew something was wrong. I couldn’t do it anymore. Slowly I was getting agnostic and even atheistic ideas and I almost left the Christian faith completely (I even started commenting on ex Christian subs).

But a couple of days ago I started reading Protestant literature again and started to feel the peace and love of Christ again that I had missed for such a long time. Now I am afraid I made a huge mistake by converting to Catholicism 10 years ago, and think I might be more at peace when I’m Protestant again. But at the same time I’m really scared of doing something wrong AGAIN, and I’m also scared that in the eyes of the Catholic Church I would be mortally sinning if I would become Protestant again… It’s really hard to let go of those ideas. I don’t know what to do. I feel so much shame and fear. I don’t even know where to begin if I want to go to a Protestant church again. Please pray for me and I would love some words of encouragement.

I want to add that I don’t hate the RCC and don’t think they are evil, it’s just that I guess I don’t jive with their faith practice.

(I also posted this on another sub but would love to see if more people feel this way)

12 years ago I became a Christian in a Protestant church, through a miracle. I didn’t know anything about Christianity so I started reading a lot about it and watched online videos. I wanted to know everything about this wonderful God that saved me. I was Protestant for 2 years when I got really convinced of Catholicism by all the arguments online and in books (the idea that the RCC is from to the early church, based on the church fathers and all the councils etc). I became very fervently Catholic and I fully bought into the idea of the one and only true Church. I felt like it must be true, isn’t all the evidence there, right in front of our eyes? Can’t we read all the church fathers and all the councils? I could not imagine anyone not being Catholic if they just knew that.

But if I am honest I never truly connected to the Catholic faith practice the same way I did when I was a practicing Protestant. I didn’t feel the same peace and love, I didn’t have the same community, and most importantly: my relationship with Jesus was different. The way I practiced my faith really changed, it started to feel focused on spiritual performance: avoiding mortal sin, being worthy for communion, praying the rosary, accepting suffering as something good, and asceticism. I truly gave it my all but to be honest I could never really deeply connect with those practices. This realization was something that I pushed away for a long time, because I felt like I was the problem: If this is the true Church of Jesus Christ and they recommend these practices, then shouldn’t I feel closer to Him through these practices? Aren’t these practices recommended by all the saints and church fathers?There must be something wrong with me.

But after struggling with practicing Catholicism for years, becoming depressed, developing religious OCD and eventually even resenting the Church and being angry with God, I knew something was wrong. I couldn’t do it anymore. Slowly I was getting agnostic and even atheistic ideas and I almost left the Christian faith completely (I even started commenting on ex Christian subs).

But a couple of days ago I started reading Protestant literature again and started to feel the peace and love of Christ again that I had missed for such a long time. Now I am afraid I made a huge mistake by converting to Catholicism 10 years ago, and think I might be more at peace when I’m Protestant again. But at the same time I’m really scared of doing something wrong AGAIN, and I’m also scared that in the eyes of the Catholic Church I would be mortally sinning if I would become Protestant again… It’s really hard to let go of those ideas. I don’t know what to do. I feel so much shame and fear. I don’t even know where to begin if I want to go to a Protestant church again. Please pray for me and I would love some words of encouragement.

I want to add that I don’t hate the RCC and don’t think they are evil, it’s just that I guess I don’t jive with their faith practice.