u/LeeLevs0325

Not Love, but like a Crush...

I (21) have a decent little crush on a man (30) from work. Long story short, we never really talked then he did me a huge favor and since then i've been free falling for this man with every thing i get to know about him.

At a dinner from work, we talked about mutual music taste, our animals and of course work, but thats not important. On top we talked about cars (i know nothing about cars) and he proposed that he would take me on a ride in his car..? All while he remembered a jacket from Linkin Park i wore on my first day to work. I didn't even know i wore it...

Since then we've been greeting each other at work, having short chats or jokes. Nothing big and nothing i would call flirting, but our "relationship" has improved a lot since that favor.

This has all been going on for two and a half months now and I seriously don't know where to go with my mind. Of course i keep giving myself hope, which is stupid since he probably wouldn't even date that young, but i just can't stop thinking about him that way.

Not to get my hopes up again, but what could have been reasons for him to suggest a ride along in his car for me? And also then never getting back to it...

My crush liked my story yesterday which was a flyer to an event in church today. He has never liked my story before and even thoigh i know ot probably means nothing, my mind keeps telling me it does. My friend mentioned that he might show up today and im freaking out.

How do i tell myself that he wont show up? Because he wont. He wont. I dont want to be dissapointed, why do i keep getting my own hopes up...

Dancing Queen by P1Harmony...

I've been listening to this song on repeat since it came out and just now did I realize i understood a lyric completly diffrent... 8 months! It took me 8 months!

Now in the chorus they sing "You put a spell on me, drunk on you". Why did I sing it as "You put a spell on me, joke on you" as in she tried putting a spell on him, but it was useless since he was already completly in love.

These two words don't even sound alike. And drunk on you also makes so much sense...

Fuck, I love this song...

So i'll probably vent a little, but also i would love to hear some thoughts about this, because i have no one in my life to talk to about him, since- well you'll see...

(This is so long, im sorry. Hope some of you have time or are bored...)

Sooo- first of all. I know he exist for almost two years now. We never really talked, worked along side each other. Saw each other few times a week, not much, never gave him much of a thought.

Now. I changed my way of work last year and started over. I was in Sales and now do production. He is in transportation. Since then we see each other way more often, but still we just worked along side each other. Fast forward: two months ago i had a mouse inside our productionhall (obviously not good) so in panic i threw her into a box and ran for the next exit which was transportation. I saw him in the hall, didnt mind him, just wanted to get a gate to open and release the mouse outside. But the mouse had other plans. She ran inside and with quick thinking he stepped on its tail, but also getting her back. Long story short. The mouse was hurt so bad that it would have been cruel to have dumped her outside, i realized that while getting her outside (and getting bitten) and put her down somewhere just staring down at her. I also work in animal rights and cant kill an animal. Cant. Wont. Suck at it. Well i started crying and asked him to do it, which he did without hesistation. He also comforted me afterwards, even though he seemed surprised by my emotions. He also told me to go to the doctors to get the bite checked out.

Next scene! Going out to eat from work. Somehow we ended up next to each other and he (few days later) asked me what the doctor had said and if i was over the death of the mouse (which i was not). We chatted about music and work and animal rights and even cars even though i had no clue what i was talking about. He even suggested to take me on a ride in his car (which is pretty much ground level (is that what its called?)) after he complained about having to sit in the back of a ground level car and me laughing at him.

Thats pretty much when my crushing started. I started greeting him at work, sometimes he answered, sometimes i was to shy and he didn't hear me... i started to recognize his parfume which now i smell even before i can see him anywhere (which is kind of creepy, sorry). And my heart starst this stupid race against itsself whenever hes around...

Now a little problems... i am only 21 years old... he is already 30... single, but 30. He smokes. Which is against my own rule i set myself to not date a smoker. He is from work. And dating colleagues can get kind of messy.

I have a crush on him, i already accepted that, but i know i shouldnt. My friends thought it weird, my parents would too and... who else would i be able to talk to?

He had three weeks of vacation around easter, which i thought gave me time to calm myself and loose these feelings, but nope. Saw him for the first time and my heart went crazy... great. We went on like before, greeting each other, sometimes having short conversations, but otherwise not really communicating. Oh well, i did write him once, thanked him properly for helping me with that mouse. But thats it.

Last wednesday i worked a cleaning shift and was already pretty good in time when he came back from a tour with more to clean and he kind of laughed at me after he saw my face when i realized i wasnt almost ready. It made me feel pretty good to have made him laugh...

On sunday i had a night shift. Preping everything for transportation and surprisingly he had one of the tours (he almost never works on sundays). I did my job as i always did and prepped more than i had to, getting them stuff they usally have to get themselfes. We had a short chat abouy something, but i was so chaught up in his perfume i couldnt recall after my shift what it was about. But we later laughed together about one of our fridges that kept making noise and made me go crazy. I was really onto some drugs or some shit that day... (not really, but these noises made me weird). We had another chat about this stupid fridge and his air conditioning which seems to do the same noises. It wasnt anything big, but again i kept recalling it.

And now! Two days ago! I am finally near the present. I had to get some boxes out of transportation and didnt have a trolley, so i just kind of dragged them... he noticed and got one of the trolleys out of his truck, brought it to me and even pulled the boxes up the trolley himself. Ofcourse i thanked him (while being flustered, probably red in the face and with an unhealthy high heartrate). Again. Nothing big, but it makes me loose my mind... After his shift on his way out he crossed my way again while i discussed something with a colleague and he stopped, seemed intrigued and laughed at me, when i had to point out that everyone at work taught something diffrently. He teased me about it. About not knowing what to do because every other coworker was proposing a diffrent way.

Then today... (finally, im sorry). I helped him pick up some boxes today, that he either dropped or just had to put away and when I did he smiled this really cute, relieved smile at me and his eyes seemed thankful, but he also looked SO exhausted... of course I was happy to have helped him after he keeps helping me, but I was to stupid to even say you're welcome when he said thank you. It's like I loose my common sense as soon as his perfume gets up my nose... so dumb... anyways, few hours later he walks by my station and comments my work. ,,You do that beautifully". In a joking, teasing voice..? Like- he obviously didnt have a clue of what i was doing and how it was supposed to look, but he still saud something..? So he doesnt hate me i guess? Or finds me annoying..? Thats a win?

Again not big, but these small conversations make me go crazy... it is so stupid... and wrong... but it is so easy to fall for him. If he would stop being so nice to me... idk where im going with this, but i keep having hope which i should not have, but it is so relaxing to daydream about him...

Also this stupid comment about him giving me a ride in his car... i keep coming back to it even though hr has probably already forgotten about it...

Like- i feel like every minute, every song that reminds me of him i daydream about what could be, how we could be, how it might be when we next see each other...

But that only gets my hopes up, doesnt it? And i dont want it to hurt more than it has too. Everytime i have to remind myself, that it is not good to imagine things and picture him in situations, thay would probably make him crawl out of his skin if he knew... that's exagerating, but its still without any consent, so... i can't get myself to stop 😭 how do i stop it?

So i'll probably vent a little, but also i would love to hear some thoughts about this, because i have no one in my life to talk to about him, since- well you'll see...

(This is so long, im sorry. Hope some of you have time or are bored...)

Sooo- first of all. I know he exist for almost two years now. We never really talked, worked along side each other. Saw each other few times a week, not much, never gave him much of a thought.

Now. I changed my way of work last year and started over. I was in Sales and now do production. He is in transportation. Since then we see each other way more often, but still we just worked along side each other. Fast forward: two months ago i had a mouse inside our productionhall (obviously not good) so in panic i thre her into a box and ran for the next exit which was transportation. I saw him in the hall, didnt mind him, just wanted to get a gate to open and release the mouse outside. But the mouse had other plans. She ran inside and with quick thinking he stepped on its tail, but also getting her back. Long story short. The mouse was hurt so bad that it would have been cruel to have dumped her outside, i realized that while getting her outside (and getting bitten) and put her down somewhere jsut staring down at her. I also work in animal rights and cant kill an animal. Cant. Wont. Suck at it. Well i started crying and asked him to do it, which he did without hesistation. He also comforted me afterwards, even though he seemed surprised by my emotions. He also told me to go to the doctors to get the bite checked out.

Next scene! Going out to eat from work. Somehow we ended up next to each other and he (few days later) asked me what the doctor had said and if i was over the death of the mouse (which i was not). We chatted about music and work and animal rights and even cars even though i had no clue what i was talking about. He even suggested to take me on a ride in his car (which is pretty mich ground level (is that what its called?)) after he complained about having to sit in the back of a ground level car and me laughing at him.

Thats pretty much when my crushing started. I started greeting him at work, sometimes he answered, sometimes i was to shy... i started to recognize his parfume which now i smell even before i can see him anywhere (which is kind of creepy, sorry). And my heart starst this stupid race against itsself whenever hes around...

Now a little problems... i am only 21 years old... he is already 30... single, but 30. He smokes. Which is against my own rule i set myself to not date a smoker. He is from work. And dating colleagues can get kind of messy.

I have a crush on him, i already accepted that, but i know i shouldnt. My friends thought it weird, my parents would too and... who else would i be able to talk to?

He had three weeks of vacation around easter, which i thoigjt have me time to calm myself and loose these feelings, but nope. Saw him for the first time and my heart went crazy... great. We went on like before, greeting each other, sometimes having short conversations, but otherwise not really communicating. Oh well, i did write him once, thanked him properly for helping me with that mouse. But thats it.

Last wednesday i worked a cleaning shift and was alrsdy pretty good in time when he came back from a tour with more to clean and he kind of laughed at me after he saw my face when i realized i wasnt almost ready. It made me feel pretty good to have made him laugh...

On sunday i had a night shift. Preping everything for transportation and surprisingly he had one of the tours (he almost never works on sundays). I did my job as i always did and prepped more than i had to, getting them stuff they usally have to get themselfes. We had a short chat abouy something, but i was so chaught up in his perfume i couldnt recall after my shift what it was about. But we later laughed together about one of our fridges that kept making noise and made me go crazy. I was really onto some drugs or some shit that day... (not really, but these noises made me weird). We had another chat about this stupid fridge and his air conditioning ehich seems to do the same noises. It wasnt anything big, but again i kept recalling it.

And now! For today! I am finally in the present. Today i had to get some boxes out of transportation and didnt have a trolley, so i just kind of dragged them... he noticed and got one of the trolleys out of his truck, brought it to me and even pulled the boxes up the trolley himself. Ofcourse i thanked him (while being flustered, probably red in the face and with an unhealthy high heartrate). Again. Nothing big, but it makes me loose my mind... After his shift onnhis way out he crossed my way again while i discussed something with a colleague and he stopped, seemed intrigued and laughed at me, when i had to point out that everyone at work taught something diffrently. He teased me about it. About not knowing what to do because every other coworker was proposing a diffrent way.

Again not big, but these small conversations make me go crazy... it is so stupid... and wrong... but it is so easy to fall for him. If he would stop being so nice to me... idk where im going with this, but i keep having hope which i should not have, but it is so relaxing to daydream about him...

Also this stupid comment about him giving me a ride in his car... i keep coming back to it even though hr has probably already forgotten about it...