u/Legitimate-Repeat654

i am actually confused, feels like im being a fraud. people around dont take the disgnosis seriously. other than this list i showed for my psychistrist, she gave an avalustion test. i did not actually open anything about me having aspie, its was from her observation.

here is the list (apologies for the grammar and spelling):

sensory:
-irritated with tags in shirt
-cant easily sleep when there is continious noise (even if the noise is negligible)
-usually crave food 1 to 2 weeks (eating the same food whenever i can)
-heat sensitive (shower, things)
-i always try to distinguish ingredients of what im eating
-feeling comfortable in pressure in my body when sleeping
-feeling uneasy or disgusted in hugs
-cant sleep when the foot area in my bed is not smooth or tangled
-feeling overwhelmed in a family gathering
-always wanting a me time at the end of the day no matter how tiring or busy the day is, even if i need to wake up early tomorrow
-notices, often find subtle detail in music (bass line, second voice, voice layers)
-gets euporic feeling when indulged in music in the zone
-in college, my hand freezes for 3 seconds ( i think) when im about to write on paper
-fast reflexes in an unexpected situation when someone is about to bump me. fast physical reaction in minor things
-clear the counter where the tv is when im about to “relax” watching the tv. as much as i can, it should be maintained pleasing in my eyes.
-tend to look back, second look at unnecessary things i see while walking
-i hate when electric fan is rotating, the “on/off” air experience feels annoying to me.
-when i use electric fan/AC, i often want it specifically to target my feet. it feels weird and annoying when it is projected elsewhere
-saltyness of food even if it seems normal to others
-love the complexity of unusual flavor, even if it taste odd to others
-i hate fitted shirts, i usually want oversized, flowy
-prefer not to cuddle when sleeping
-i always get lbm after eating spicy food (even if it doesnt taste spicy, as long as there is a hint of chili)
-night vibe over morning. always
-has allergies

stim:
-tongue tooth guiding
-foot fidgetting
-finger tapping
-weird facial expressions when talking
-frowning when thinking
-weird mouth movement when talking
-not directly looking at someone when thinking

emotion:
-learning to socialize
-challenging my self to do the interaction
-rationalizing emotion in to logic
-correcting bad behavior thru learning/logic
-learning the typical “sweetness” in person
-having hard time or questioning what im feeling
-using logic for grief (my dog died)
-can understand precisely and easly what others are feeling, but not actually feel them
-explosive anger outburst
-easily frustrated/irritated
-can easily say sorry, apologize
-hit myself (slapping, punching) my face when frustrated or really angry
-tend to resort in suicidal thinking when super upset (even if being only upset in minor things). i actually did try back when i was a kid (im scared to die actually, but i manage to drink a water with toothpaste thinking it would work), and when in college (i was about to jump from 4th floor, but i am drunk that time)
-gets irritated when in a deep thinking then interrupted
-gets minor irritation to a sudden change, however i can easily adapt to it
-demands an answer even in highly emotional “things”
-cant seem to properly console, comfort someone in distress or emotional
-expresses or release my “internal anger” thru loud music, specially hard core rock

social:
-straight forward as long as logical
-logic over feeling
-can understand emotion of others but tend to disregard when i talk
-can understand cues but tend to bypass it
-usally explains in enthusiastically weird way
-tend to practice (in my head), what im about to say, rarely take written notes, resulting in jumbled, unorganized presentation. (i also think,analize about “that” after presenting it)
-may seem angry when talking
-uses a lot of swear words
-tend to forget that what im about to say can be offensive
-crossing bounderies
-almost always proving the point, but not in a personal way
-usually explains/converse in oversimplified or undersimplified way
-tend to be in an arguement or a fight when in social gathering, specially when drunk
-tend to interrupt other conversation for the purpose solving (like there is an urge or an itch that i need to scratch or be part to solve a problem)
-the kind of friend that someone might not introduce to their other friends because i may be misinterpreted
-oversharing personal things when talking (even i barely know someone)
-may ask “inappropriate” question but completely logical to me
-insecure or not confident when doing a “thing” i know very well to do when people are watching
-feeling really nervous when talking to a large group, i usually like to do it impromptu
-i usually dont get offended, i dont usually take what they say personally (i analize it though, and gets frustated if i think its not true)
-may look self centered, arrogant, narcissist
-very persuasive
-loves ethical dilemma, love/ to know the perspective of other people
-not typically a fond of norm/mainstream (specially in music)
-i tend to learn from someone i look up to, their style, how they speak, how they manage emotions, how they rationalize things

rotation:
-broken sleep schedule
-tend to put a specific seconds when doing minor things
-loves to min/max if possible
-looking for a simpler or more “practical way” when doing something repetetive
-challenging the system when i think there is more rational way to do it
-tend to follow social or established rule religiously
-tend to establish rules in minor things (gaming), even if unecessarily needed
-the need to perfect things, and to do it in how it should be (forms in gym, using appropriate words, an item to be used)
-tend to align my morality in written/established rules and guides
-most of the time, questions the possibility for it to be certain and accurate
-overanalyze personal items like shirts, pants, shoes, if it is the right size or if it is how it should be worn on that size
-rarely gets excited on a vacation trip, and likely think about the hassle behind it. (sometimes, i actually dont want to go, specially if im into something im really interested in)

worth mentioning:
-verbally good (for my age) before 1 year old
-was sent to last section in grade 1 then being confused why my classmates “count” numbers in a different ineffectient way. was later on put to star section (section 1) after being reevaluated.
-having called “old for his age”
-when i was young, i tend to have “old friends”(my mom said they love to talk to me because of how verbal i was, i create stories)
-i was so vocal as a kid that my mom sometimes get in a fight/arguement to “people” (i always say what i want to say, even the things i should not. i was kid, i dont actually know the difference)
-can seem very unpredictable outside (changing my mood from overexpressive outgoing into non chatty serious)
-impulsive in many aspects of my life
-impatient, the need to interrupt something specially when i find it illogical
-was about to be a first honor in kinder but literally followed the instruction on a test to just read, resulting to not answering the question (teachers dont believe that i cannot answer the test)
-dive really deep in a rabbit hole specially when im interested
-ultracurious, often read or watch something that i can learn new things (i used to go to this specific site when im highschool, its a site where i can learn facts, it gets updated daily. it is satisfying to me though)
-slowy fading my interest once i knew how the thing works
-good in math (naturally, i guess?), civil engineer
-overanalyzing, overthinking things (rarely distressing or anxious to me)
-in high school, won a group activity guessing the word “cancer” (i read a brief description of cancer in elementary)
-in highschool, i got a “free” quiz because of a random simple question (i actually dont know it, i just analyze it on that specific moment)
-likes to solve math, puzzle, rubiks cube. also love legos, and dinosaur growing up.
-often “love” to watch gory films/videos growing up (i still do this), because of curiosity
-likes indie music and movie for its realism (in movies, i feel like im watching a real scenario, observing from above)
-cant resonate in emotional/religious kind of motivation i read online
-randomly pops a thought then naturally connects it to something else
-automatically questions/disect things unintentionally
-the need to know the basic or root of things when faced with complexity
-tend to create situational hypothetical problems and engage it with someone im with
-may look stupidly entusiastic when hyped (usually in songs and movies)
-tend to use my time when doing “automatic” things like driving, showering, cleaning, to wander in thoughts and ideas.
-tend to be called to overcomplicate things
-seeing beauty in unpleasant or irrelevant things (being amazed at the brain the when i was diagnosed with ocd)
-loves probabilistic scenarios, things. (i cant apply this to my obsession from ocd 😔)
-took a “quirky” personality test (ENTP). does it matter?
-i suck at navigating routes