Need help, 10+ backlogs, Burnt out and tired, genuine advice needed
I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore, and I need some advice.
I was a pretty good student till 10th grade. I scored around 97% in ICSE, and because of that, everyone around me including me assumed I was “JEE material.” I joined an integrated coaching program away from home for 11th and 12th.
That experience broke me more than I realized at the time.
It was my first time away from home, I couldn’t keep up with the coaching environment, and slowly I started burning out. I could still study on my own enough to do okay in school/board-related exams, but JEE prep went badly. I came back home, joined another coaching institute, tried again for a few months, and eventually gave up because I was terrified of failing and convinced myself I was incapable.
After that, I decided to just move on with life and join whichever decent college I got into. I joined VIT for B.Tech.
My first semester actually went well. I got an 8.44 CGPA.
But after that, everything started collapsing.
In second semester, a lot of things I had suppressed for years started hitting me all at once. Childhood issues, emotional baggage, isolation, burnout — everything. I slipped into what I now realize was probably depression. I isolated myself badly and ended up getting 3 backlogs.
I came home and got heavily criticized by relatives and family. I went back determined to fix things, genuinely studied hard again, but still got more backlogs. Some subjects I failed by just 3–5 marks, which honestly broke me mentally.
This cycle has continued for almost two years now:
- burnout
- guilt
- trying to recover
- studying intensely for a while
- emotionally crashing again
- giving up
At this point, by the end of second year, I might have around 10+ backlogs.
That number scares me so much that I can barely think straight anymore.
The worst part is that my parents came from difficult economic backgrounds and built their lives through education. So to them, academics are everything. And I understand why. That’s why I feel immense guilt every single day.
But at the same time, these last two years were not “wasted.”
Outside academics, I somehow managed to build things:
- I built a Substack newsletter with 450+ readers across 35 countries
- Did multiple internships
- Worked with ad agencies
- Earned over ₹1.5 lakh through freelance/internship work
So I know I’m not completely incapable or lazy.
The problem is specifically that I feel mentally exhausted and emotionally numb when it comes to academics now. Every time I sit to study, I spiral into frustration, guilt, fear, and self-hatred. I think a lot of self-sabotage was involved too.
I’ve finally accepted that I need professional help. I’m planning to meet both a therapist and a psychiatrist because I genuinely don’t think this is something I can “discipline” myself out of anymore.
What I don’t know is:
- Should I continue this degree?
- Is recovering from 10+ backlogs realistically possible?
- Should I take a gap semester/year?
- Has anyone here recovered academically after completely burning out like this?
- Should I consider dropping out and starting over to get another degree in a domain like business and BBA?
- Or should I restart B Tech?
I’m only in second year, so part of me feels it’s too early to quit. But another part of me feels completely broken.
I’d really appreciate honest advice, especially from people who have gone through academic burnout, depression, or backlog recovery in engineering colleges.
Thank you for reading.
