u/LeopardExcellent8152

I (26F) miss the man my boyfriend (21M) was before I said yes. Is this just the honeymoon phase ending? (3 months together)
My boyfriend (21M) and I (26F) have been together for about 8 months.
When we first started talking, he was incredibly romantic. He’d text me first, remember every little detail, surprise me with small things, compliment me all the time, and make me feel like the most special girl in the world. I genuinely felt like a princess.
After we officially got together, things slowly changed.
He’s still kind to me and we still talk every day, but the romance has faded a lot. The cheesy messages are almost gone, he doesn’t initiate conversations as much, and he doesn’t seem nearly as excited as he used to be.
It sometimes feels like once he knew he had “won” me, he stopped trying as hard.
I don’t know if I’m overthinking this or if this is just how relationships naturally evolve after the honeymoon phase.
I don’t want to become clingy or constantly ask for reassurance because I know that can push someone away.
For those who’ve been in long-term relationships (or even guys who have experienced this themselves):
Is this normal?
Did your relationship become less intense after it became official?
Is there anything I can do to bring back some of the romance and excitement without playing games or making him feel pressured?
I really care about him, and I don’t want to lose what we had in the beginning. Any honest advice would mean a lot.

\*\*TL;DR:\*\* I (26F) have been dating my boyfriend (21M) for about 8 months. Before we got together, he was incredibly romantic, attentive, and made me feel like a princess. Since we started dating, he’s become much less expressive and doesn’t put in the same effort as he used to. He’s still kind, but I miss the version of him that chased me. Is this a normal transition after the honeymoon phase, or is it a sign he’s losing interest? What should I do to strengthen our relationship without becoming clingy or playing games?

I (26F) miss the man my boyfriend (21M) was before I said yes. Is this just the honeymoon phase ending? (3 months together)
My boyfriend (21M) and I (26F) have been together for about 8 months.
When we first started talking, he was incredibly romantic. He’d text me first, remember every little detail, surprise me with small things, compliment me all the time, and make me feel like the most special girl in the world. I genuinely felt like a princess.
After we officially got together, things slowly changed.
He’s still kind to me and we still talk every day, but the romance has faded a lot. The cheesy messages are almost gone, he doesn’t initiate conversations as much, and he doesn’t seem nearly as excited as he used to be.
It sometimes feels like once he knew he had “won” me, he stopped trying as hard.
I don’t know if I’m overthinking this or if this is just how relationships naturally evolve after the honeymoon phase.
I don’t want to become clingy or constantly ask for reassurance because I know that can push someone away.
For those who’ve been in long-term relationships (or even guys who have experienced this themselves):
Is this normal?
Did your relationship become less intense after it became official?
Is there anything I can do to bring back some of the romance and excitement without playing games or making him feel pressured?
I really care about him, and I don’t want to lose what we had in the beginning. Any honest advice would mean a lot.

**TL;DR:** I (26F) have been dating my boyfriend (21M) for about 8 months. Before we got together, he was incredibly romantic, attentive, and made me feel like a princess. Since we started dating, he’s become much less expressive and doesn’t put in the same effort as he used to. He’s still kind, but I miss the version of him that chased me. Is this a normal transition after the honeymoon phase, or is it a sign he’s losing interest? What should I do to strengthen our relationship without becoming clingy or playing games?

I know this sounds awful, and I’m not looking for sympathy. I just need honest advice because I don’t know what the right thing is anymore.
I’m 26F.
I’ve been dating my boyfriend, Ethan (26M), for over a year. He’s one of the kindest, most respectful people I’ve ever met. Life got busy, we started seeing each other less, and I slowly began feeling lonely. I never stopped loving him, but I missed having someone around.
Then I met Noah (21M).
He was everything my lonely heart wanted at the time. He made time for me, remembered little things about me, surprised me with small gifts, wanted to spend time with me, and made me feel incredibly special.
Somewhere along the way, I developed feelings for him too.
Instead of making a decision, I made the worst one….I held on to both.
Over time, the excitement with Noah settled into a normal relationship, and I became anxious, overthinking every text and every reply.
At the same time, every time I was with Ethan, I felt something completely different.
Not butterflies.
Peace.
Recently he looked at me and said, “I love you. Please don’t stop loving me.”
I couldn’t even answer.
That’s when the guilt hit me harder than ever.
The truth is, I care about Noah too. He’s not a bad person, and I don’t think Ethan is either.
I think I’m the one who created a situation where everyone can get hurt.
I’m not asking who the “better guy” is.
I’m asking… has anyone ever genuinely cared about two people at once? How did you know what was real? And if you were me, what would you do now?
Please be honest. I need perspective more than comfort.

I know a lot of people are going to judge me for this, and honestly, I understand why. I’m not posting this to justify what I’ve done. I genuinely want outside opinions because I feel like I’ve lost all objectivity.
I’m a 26-year-old woman, and for a little over a year I’ve been dating my boyfriend, who I’ll call Ethan (26M).
We met at university when he was a year ahead of me. From the beginning, he was honest that he wasn’t sure what the future would look like because after graduation we’d most likely end up in different cities pursuing different careers. We decided to stay together anyway because we cared deeply about each other.
Ethan is one of the most genuinely good people I’ve ever met. He’s mature, thoughtful, respectful, and emotionally intelligent. He’s not overly romantic, but he’s always made me feel safe and cared for.
The problem was that over time, life got busy.
He had a demanding schedule, family responsibilities, personal challenges, and a lot of pressure related to his future career. We didn’t see each other nearly as much as we used to, and I started feeling lonely.
Then I met someone else.
I’ll call him Noah (21M).
He’s about five years younger than me and studying in a different year of the same university. He already knew I had a boyfriend.
At first we were just friends.
We talked a lot, played online games together, shared jokes, sent each other videos, and spent time together on campus.
But unlike Ethan, Noah was physically around all the time.
He’d stop by just to see me, remember little things I mentioned, surprise me with small gifts, learn things I liked so we could do them together, and generally made me feel incredibly special.
Honestly, he was my crush.
Eventually I admitted that I had developed feelings for him.
I also told him that I already had a boyfriend.
He asked me if I was going to choose.
At that moment, I chose Ethan.
But I also couldn’t imagine losing Noah.
That was where everything started going wrong.
We stayed emotionally involved anyway.
Noah knew I was still with Ethan.
Ethan believed Noah and I were just close friends.
As you can probably imagine, this created a huge mess.
People at university started noticing that Noah and I spent a lot of time together.
Rumors started.
People talked.
Some people mocked Noah because they knew I was still with Ethan.
At one point he got really upset about it and almost ended things with me because he felt embarrassed and hurt.
We eventually worked through it and stayed together.
Later, Ethan also heard rumors.
Instead of accusing me or getting angry, he calmly told me that people were talking and asked me to be careful.
Then he said something that has stuck with me ever since:
“I trust you.”
The truth is that he did trust me.
And I wasn’t being completely honest with him.
As time passed, I started noticing a change in my relationship with Noah.
When he was pursuing me, he made me feel like the most important person in the world.
After we became a couple, things became more normal.
Not bad.
Just normal.
He wasn’t constantly chasing me anymore.
That’s when I became anxious.
I started analyzing every text, every emoji, every delayed reply, every phone call.
I became clingy.
I constantly needed reassurance.
Looking back, I don’t even know if Noah changed that much.
Maybe I was comparing normal relationship behavior to the excitement of being pursued.
He’s also younger than me, and this is his first serious relationship. Sometimes I wonder if I expected him to communicate with the emotional maturity of someone with much more relationship experience.
At the same time, whenever I was with Ethan, I felt something completely different.
Not butterflies.
Not excitement.
Just peace.
Comfort.
Safety.
Like I could completely relax and be myself.
Recently, Ethan told me:
“I love you. Please don’t stop loving me.”
I couldn’t even respond.
I felt awful.
Because in that moment I realized how much I cared about him and how unfair I had been.
But the confusing part is that I genuinely care about Noah too.
When I see him, I still get that crush feeling.
I still feel affection for him.
I still care about what happens to him.
I don’t think either of them is a bad person.
If anything, I think I’m the person who created this situation.
Now I feel stuck.
I don’t know whether what I feel for Ethan is love, comfort, attachment, guilt, or simply years of history together.
I don’t know whether what I feel for Noah is love, excitement, chemistry, or just the feeling of finally getting attention when I felt lonely.
Has anyone ever genuinely loved two people at the same time?
If you were in my position, what would you do?
Please be honest.
I’m not looking for validation.
I just want perspectives from people who aren’t emotionally involved because I feel like I’ve completely lost the ability to see this situation clearly.
TL;DR: I’m 26F and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend (26M) for over a year. During a period when we became emotionally distant because life got busy, I developed feelings for another guy (21M) who gave me a lot of attention. I ended up emotionally involved with both of them, and neither knows the full truth. I genuinely care about both in different ways…one feels like comfort and home, while the other still gives me butterflies. Now I’m overwhelmed with guilt and confusion and don’t know what the right thing to do is. I’m looking for honest advice, not validation.