u/Lexxxea

Has anyone had any success in getting their partner to be able to see the evidence to also deconstruct?
I don’t mean to sound controlling, I just miss my husband. For brief context, he used to be so so sweet and an amazing husband and then about a year ago he got back into Christianity like really bad and now he just feels like a kinda awful partner. I feel like he does things that he wouldn’t do before, like he just decides to ignore me like a child if he’s mad at me or overall he’ll put me on the back burner or treat me just completely different than he used to.
I feel like I never hear stories of people deconstructing until after years and years, so it makes me feel hopeless like he may never see it and if he does it may be wayyy later in life.

How do people ever get out of this or see it?

For context, my husband and I met as teenagers and he was raised under this message church. When we met he wasn’t like that, however after a little we lived with his mom for a couple years and she forced us to go to church with her. She attended a message church and was huge into it, she still is. However, at a point, even I fell into it and kind of believed it too. This was only because I was young, naive and mostly driven by fear of the doomsday rapture narrative.
Anyways, we were more so forced to go to the church but didn’t fully believe in it or fully practice it. Once we left her house, we had our first child and moved on our own and at this point we no longer attended this church or even ever went back for years. We didn’t sit down and deconstruct so to speak, but we just didn’t attend or anything. However, fast forward to now, we’re in our early 30s and have 2 kids. For a long time we were healthy, healthy parenting and all the things. All suddenly about a year ago he got big into religion again and of course once he did that, he went back to his roots of “ the message “ church. I have always felt there was something very off and bad about that place, that it was a cult, but I guess he was brain mapped by this and now he’s into it really big.
It’s been about a year and it’s been so devastating for me. I feel like I’ve lost my bestfriend. Of course he isn’t the same anymore. He used to be so obsessed with our little family and so gentle and sweet and loving and now he would be willing to lose his family over it. He’s also acting superior and misogynistic which he NEVER used to do. I know every bad and toxic behavior stems from that cult. I have exhausted myself trying to get him to see. I am so upset because I’ve truly lost the person he was and he somehow thinks this a good thing? He thinks he’s soo great now and this is the best thing to happen to him. I told him the other day that I grieve who he used to be and he told me that person is dead.

For context, my husband and I have been together for 14 years and have 2 daughters at this point. The only time we really got engulfed in the Pentecostal “ message” church was when we were teens and his mom forced us to go there as long as we lived with her. Anyway, fast forward to now many many years later and we didn’t go there for years ( maybe 12-13 ) because as soon as we left and got our own place we just had no desire to keep going.
So about a year ago my husband completely did a 180 and became super religious. I’ve never seen him like this and over the past year it’s not been great. He’s still kind and loving at times but I also feel like through the year his mindset and worldview has shifted and he’s started acting super odd and losing his entire personality for what I knew he was. For example, he didn’t talk to his mom for a couple of years due to her never being a good mom etc, and now he’s buddy buddy with her and will almost sometimes even put me beneath her to appease her! He disagrees though, so I guess that’s my perspective. He’s also become super misogynistic, even though he claims that he’s not. Anyway, we’ve definitely clashed over the past year . Before he got into this religion he literally told me was obsessed with with me all the time and how much he loved and cherished our family but now he’s so different. He claims he still loves me but last night said he was heavily thinking about divorce because we really clash and were completely opposite now.
I also forgot to add that through him becoming really religious, I’ve completely deconstructed.
I’m so devastated, he always told me he loves me and wants to be with me even in an argument but last night he just told me that he feels like he doesn’t know anymore. We weren’t even arguing. He just said he’ll be thinking because divorce is a really big decision to make.
I feel so hurt and empty. I feel like he’s completely a different person and I grieve who he was so bad.

How do people ever get out of this or see it?

For context, my husband and I met as teenagers and he was raised under this message church. When we met he wasn’t like that, however after a little we lived with his mom for a couple years and she forced us to go to church with her. She attended a message church and was huge into it, she still is. However, at a point, even I fell into it and kind of believed it too. This was only because I was young, naive and mostly driven by fear of the doomsday rapture narrative.
Anyways, we were more so forced to go to the church but didn’t fully believe in it or fully practice it. Once we left her house, we had our first child and moved on our own and at this point we no longer attended this church or even ever went back for years. We didn’t sit down and deconstruct so to speak, but we just didn’t attend or anything. However, fast forward to now, we’re in our early 30s and have 2 kids. For a long time we were healthy, healthy parenting and all the things. All suddenly about a year ago he got big into religion again and of course once he did that, he went back to his roots of “ the message “ church. I have always felt there was something very off and bad about that place, that it was a cult, but I guess he was brain mapped by this and now he’s into it really big.
It’s been about a year and it’s been so devastating for me. I feel like I’ve lost my bestfriend. Of course he isn’t the same anymore. He used to be so obsessed with our little family and so gentle and sweet and loving and now he would be willing to lose his family over it. He’s also acting superior and misogynistic which he NEVER used to do. I know every bad and toxic behavior stems from that cult. I have exhausted myself trying to get him to see. I am so upset because I’ve truly lost the person he was and he somehow thinks this a good thing? He thinks he’s soo great now and this is the best thing to happen to him. I told him the other day that I grieve who he used to be and he told me that person is dead.