AITAH for not wanting my own baked cake to be offered to a third party this time?
I appreciate all your opinions on this situation!
LONGER UPDATE IS BELOW THE ORIGINAL TEXT
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Most of the times I usually only take a bit or two from anything I bake, and my partner and his granny will share the rest. I am not as much into sweets and I literally don't mind. In 9 out of 10 or even more cases I have no problem with sharing anything I bake and I am glad they are enjoying it.
This time my peach sponge cake ended up soooo damn good that I myself ate three pieces right the first day, and I decided I want to keep this one all to ourselves (me and partner) this time. I then simply told him to not ACTIVELY offer or bring this cake up for granny this time, in case she won't explicitly ask for something to have with her coffee (she often has a surplus of these goods from other family members anyway, so we don't have to be so generous with ours this time).
His reaction was:
"Idk what's the fus about, you can bake another cake if you run out of this one. It's not even made from seasonal fruits which I'd get, but these are just canned peaches, and you are acting like I want to give her half of the baking tray, while it's just three pieces."
I told him that he is kinda reducing all my effort and time to make this cake to one single factor which is "canned peaches only" and doesn't think about, I don't know - me maybe not wanting to bake new cake right away, not to mention I'll be working next days?
He led it to ad absurdum and said:
"Well by all means, I can let you have my share of the cake too if it's that of a problem to you."
In this case I am not sure if he wanted to "help" by this suggestion, but it seems more like a passive agressive pouty snark in terms of moral judgment of my perceived greedines or "overreaction" about cake.
It's important to mention that my parter is neurodivergent, so some of these things might come to him in weird way. But I was pretty sure I am in right here, and that he has no say in something he didn't have to move a finger to make. Nor did I him his permission or blessings for it, I simply informed him about my decision. But he somehow approaches situations like he is the one to be judging my decisions, rather that accepting and respecting my wishes as his partner and equal person.
He always wants me to be straightforward with him about things, and is displeased about my walking on eggshells and beating around the bushes, instead of giving him straight clear info right away - but he doesn't seem to get, that he is the one creating the atmosphere that is preventing me to be straightforward with him. It's not easy when anything I announce to him automatically becomes a subject of his judgment and analysis in his eyes.
What do you guys think about this all?
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UPDATE:
For those people who are interested, me and him talked about this thing again today:
1)He said I should already know by now that he can be a jabby rude d*ck when tired or not in mood. And claimed that he did not feel like talking anymore that evening, but he thought he would be rude to tell me to just just leave him alone - and I had to tell him that no, that would not be rude, but what he did instead ("suffering" my presence in the moment he wanted to sleep, and then starting to get snarky and dismissive about a random thing I casually brought up) WAS rude.
I had to remind him that I don't read his mind and it's perfectly fine to inform me when he is not in the mood for socializing at that moment anymore, and that saying "you know how I am when..." is not a free pass for him to act rude whenever he feels like it, and then expecting me to do the zen work for both of us with swallowing his remarks and managing the grey rock attitude. There is still this expectation of me managing everything for both of us, where he has hard time learning new ways instead of nudging me to adjust around him.
- He claimed that the whole time he was counting on sharing with granny his own share of the cake, and that it's always how he does it when he measures up how much of it to bring upstairs.
And from there came the suggestion that he will pass his share too so I have more, as a genuine offer, not a jab. He also got irritated why I am trying to put rules on what he will do with the share of the cake he'd eat by himself anyway, while I was assuming he simply always eats whatever amount he wants to, and then in addition shares the more of it with others upstairs - as I never study how much of it disappeared and who exactly ate it, and did not know that he always "sacrifices" some of his own planned amount when sharing it, being always considerate towards my effort. It's something I have no way to know, but he said it was a matter of fact to him and is surprised I thought something else.
- Me mentioning his neurodivergence is not here to "blame it" on it, nor to excuse him because of it. I genuinely sometimes have hard time recognizing what thinking style is directly caused by it and I'd always prefer to think it's that case, rather than him just being plainly dull and inconsiderate person, obviously.
In this case, it was more of a misunderstanding, but that doesn't delete the long term effect of his randomness in what he will accept without nitpicking or questioning and what not. It is still making it harder for me to be able to just put things directly in front of him, as he tends to be too generous with how he thinks he will initially take any change or announcement from my side.
He said that he would gladly accept me making fun of his remarks and reservations about that cake, or me stating that my request at that moment is not a subject of discussion, so we could save us the fus later. That's maybe nice to know, but still on me to be the more reasonable one in a point, where I have every human right to be irritated by his occassional inability to simply swallow some of the opinions no one asked for in situation where I am trying to do exactly as he preffers it - to state and announce new things straightly and clearly in a pragmatic way so it's easily graspable to him.
He also said that his remark about "me getting to bake a new cake when this one runs out" was based on the fact that I did so in the past by myself, when some cake ran out and I wanted more. I told him that yes it's true, and on paper I really can bake a new one when it comes to it - but it simply was not an appropriate argument from his side, as a matter of fact it was NO argument, as it's only goal was to minimize my reasonable request at that moment - and he had to admit this. It seems that he doesn't grasp it fully though. At least he does understand that I might not want to bake another batch of the cake next weekend, as I'd preffer this one to last long enough for the two of us instead.
