u/LittleBertha

Hi,

To cut to the chase, I've been developing an alternative to Meetup - with a focus on being local. So I've developed (or more, it's in development) bristol.openmeet.co.uk

It will be an entirely free local noticeboard for events, clubs, meetups etc. You can create communities and then create recurring events for those communities. RSVP'ing to an event is simple - not stupidly long sign up form like meetup that just wants to harvest your data.

And all events are in cronological order so you can quickly see what events, what clubs, and meetups are happening. And you can view events by locality, so what's happening in your immediate area.

Like I said, it's entirely free to create and promote events on there - and it's simple to use. No AI, no aglorithms, no SaaS style junk that is just trying to direct you to pay for something.

It's just me developing it right now, and a mate will be helping with more promotion around Bristol once it's ready.

If this sounds of interest, or useful you can sign up to the waitlist now - it's only asks for your first name and email, nothing else. bristol.openmeet.co.uk

Hey everyone,

For some quick background: I’m a male in my mid-30s, married for 13 years, and we've been together for nearly 20. We have two kids. I had a very normal, happy childhood that was stable, loving, and supportive.

I am very aware that my anxious attachment comes entirely from my relationship with my wife. We had our first child very young and ended up together. Honestly, we didn't like each other for a few years, but we carried on because it was the "proper" thing to do. Today, we do love each other, but our relationship is fractured.

Over the years, we went through some traumatic events. I don't wish to go into them too much because they hurt, but they made me highly vigilant - always looking out for threats or waiting for something to go wrong. My wife also suffered from bouts of depression and illness, which resulted in me becoming a bit of a carer. In hindsight, stepping in to do absolutely everything wasn't the right thing to do, as she lost her independence. Because it just felt easier, we both lost our social lives and our independence. We kind of just collapsed into each other.

Over the last two years, things have changed. My wife has gone to therapy, read self-help books, and gotten a job (after being a stay-at-home mom for a long time). She has become much more confident and independent - making friends, socializing, and going out.

Objectively, this is great, and it's so good for her. But for me, this has set off an almost crippling anxious attachment.

For the best part of 20 years, my life has been all about her. Now, my mind is telling me that she doesn't need me anymore, and that is incredibly scary. It feels unknown and unsafe.

I'm doing all the classic anxious things: questioning every comment, every facial expression, and every tone in her voice, looking for signs that something is wrong or that I need to fix something. When she goes out, I get incredibly anxious that something has happened to her, that something will happen to her, or that she is with another man (which I feel so guilty for thinking, and I hate it).

If she doesn't text me back after an hour, I get deeply anxious. I have to go for a walk and pray to myself that she'll have texted back by the time I return. My head runs through scenarios of what is wrong. Even when she just goes for an evening walk, it triggers me. I get restless waiting for her to come back, I can't concentrate, and I don't come down from that ledge until she returns. If she’s gone for more than an hour, the panic sets in.

I know I have spoken to her about this too much. Whenever she makes plans to see a friend, I make it obvious that I'm uncomfortable, which always leads to a long, deep conversation because I am constantly searching for reassurance.

Eventually, she told me that she cannot keep doing this. She can't keep "fighting" just to see friends and have some independence. She believes that having this independence makes us stronger and makes her actually want to spend time together, rather than just living in each other's pockets. But my anxiety twists her words, convincing me she's just lying to make me feel better.

I ask her to text me when she's on her way home, which she always does. But I ALWAYS wait anxiously for that text, convincing myself that it won't come, that she’ll leave me worrying, or that something bad has happened.

This is impacting every part of my life. I can't concentrate on work, and I can't find enjoyment in anything because I am constantly distracted wondering where she is, if she’s safe, and if she still loves me.

I feel - rightly or wrongly - that by taking on nearly all the responsibility, working 60+ hours a week, and doing most of the childcare when her depression made it difficult, I gave her the space and time she needed to find herself. But I haven't had that space. Now we are clashing because my anxiety is pushing her away.

She is encouraging me to see my friends again (who I almost never see these days) and to find new hobbies and social groups. I’ve taken some steps: I've booked myself in for therapy sessions and bought a book on dealing with anxious attachment.

To me, the feeling of being safe while away from your partner is totally alien. I long to just feel "normal" and not worry about her, and to feel like if something did happen, I would be OK. But right now, I cannot say I would be.

Has anyone been through something similar? And have you been able to work through it?

Hey,

I'm in Notts for the day. Town centre, near the castle.

I left my headphones on the train 😔. Is there somewhere nearby in the town where I can get some?

Googling just comes up with Currys, Argos etc which are all a few miles away

Thanks