Hey
I’m F25 looking for other female friends in Joburg. I’m based in the Northen suburbs. Looking for someone to go out with (coffee, restaurants, activities etc) and just a close girl friendship. I’m not super into parties anymore or drinking, although I don’t mind if the other person indulges.
I enjoy going to markets, being outdoors and trying new places. I’m extroverted and love wholesome, easy going vibes
Break ups are incredibly painful, especially when you’ve lost someone that you saw a future with.
But I wonder how much of that pain is self inflicted?
Today I made the conscious decision to return a gift that I had bought for my ex before we broke up. It was a crazy expensive watch that I knew he would love, it was supposed to be for his birthday (although he someone how figured it out). He broke up with me a few days after I had bought it.
I had been hanging onto it, thinking maybe it would be a loving gesture, I could happy birthday my way back into his life, I got it from a place of love - might as well give it from a place of love.
But I think I understand now that I attached so much meaning and expectation to it - it’s been holding me back from really letting go. I’ve formed an attachment to it, thinking that it would fix all my problems.
Returning it hurt a lot. Telling the sales guy that we broke up felt wayy too fucking real and having to listen to his lecture about not giving up on love, almost sent me into psychosis.
I realised after, I’m holding onto memories, trinkets, gifts and sentimentals as if they’re going to magically bring him back - a junk drawer of my entire relationship where everything is “in case”.
I’m holding myself back.
I read a lot of posts about people who are still grieving their relationships for years after they ended - I don’t want to be that person (no offence), stuck in a limbo of struggling to move on, sad and hurting. It’s too painful to remain tethered to someone that can’t give me what I need.
So whatever is meant to happen, I’m letting go. I hope everyone else going through a BU can too.
I did it.
It didn’t go the way I wanted it to but I genuinely feel lighter, knowing that I tried. I will always love this man but he’s just not in the mental space to be in a relationship - and that’s okay.
Things still don’t feel over, even after reaching out. I have a sneaky suspicion that everything will work out in the end.
To anyone who is feeling the same way that I did, reach out. If you really love that person and you feel like things can be salvaged, speak to them. Maybe it will work, maybe it won’t but we all knew what we were gambling when we chose to love someone.
If it does work out, you’ll be happy to have put yourself out there. If it doesn’t, I think you’ll be able to walk away knowing that you tried and possibly having better clarity about everything. There’s nothing to lose.
Give it time, don’t reach out immediately after the break up. Everyone’s emotions are still running high and there’s no space to actually hear what the other person is saying or communicate clearly.
Be open, don’t go in believing that you’ll get what you want. Make peace with the possibility that maybe things aren’t going to pan out.
Leave with your dignity and respect, accept that you can’t force someone to be with you - if you could, it wouldn’t be love anymore.
And as shitty as it feels, remember the time heals all wounds ( at least that’s what I keep telling myself).
I have been going through a difficult time, which has brought me back to my salaahs and strengthened them Alhamdulilah. I know during this time, it’s normal for me to feel sad but lately I have been feeling numb (prior to the difficulty I was okay). My sadness comes in short moments and then I am left feeling nothing again.
During my salaahs I find that I have started to cry a lot. Initially I could make it to my last rakaat before feeling emotional. Now, almost as soon as I step onto my musallah, I am teary and weeping. By my Sajda I am quite emotional.
Subhanallah, I feel safe crying during my salaah and maybe it feels like the only place I can be open with my heart right now.
I find myself crying and pouring my heart out to Allah, I have been making specific duas during this difficulty and have been desperate for Allah to hear them and grant them, Inshallah.
As soon as I finish my salaah, my sadness is gone and I have stopped crying. I feel lost.
Can anyone provide an explanation for this? Is it a sign for something?
For the first time in 4 weeks I’ve felt something. After the break up I felt completely numb, like I couldn’t even be sad. Today my best friend and I were talking about how much love I have for my ex, it was the first moment I felt like I had the push to do something.
I’ve been stuck in this limbo: do I try my hardest to fight for this and know that I gave it my all or, do I let go even tho things don’t feel like the end.
I’m scared. Really, really terrified that I’m just going to get hurt again. But feeling stuck is somehow worse. I don’t know what I’m going to say or how the hell I’m going to say it.
But I’m fighting for this relationship until I know for certain there’s nothing left. And if I have to, I’ll fight him too!
*if anyone has deep and wise words to get through to an avoidant man, please help a lover girl out.
I feel stuck in this limbo: I don’t feel like I can grieve or move on because things don’t feel over but I also have no idea if there’s anything left.
I want to reach out and tell you to pull it together but I’m scared of you doubling down.
I hate that you’re so focused on one bad thing. You’ve shut out everything good, it feels like you made an irrational decision. I know you. I know that you’ll make it the right one. But how do I walk away knowing that this was a fight that spiralled into something unnecessary? I didn’t expect this for us, I didn’t think this would be the ending.
I don’t know what to fucking do anymore but this can’t be the end!