u/Longjumping-Report70

Long Story Short- Me any my ex ended things a few months ago (End of april) over a night of angry drunk arguments. I quit drinking and tried everything I could to prove to him that we could fix this. He told me numerous times that it is over and he nolonger wants to keep contact. FFW a month or so in, I texted him this paragraph that I was angry that he led me on for a week, actually getting closer to me and bringing up more and more things he wanted to try and do together, to then just tell me that well never see eachother again on a thursday night. I shouldnt have sent him the text, but I did, and in it i borught up mailing back all the things he gave me to keep for memories. His reply was, "do not mail me anything. I will file a report. do not text me again. do not speak to me ever again." Fine, I wont. ffw a month and a half, and a random account on snapchat, named "Travis" added me, send a random ceiling snap (not in my exes room) and when I asked who it was (as my snap is not public knowledge, and the person would need to have my phone number, or my spacific snap username, to find me), they just sent back my exes name, "Ixx", (not revealing his name). I sent a shit ton of messages back asking if they were my ex, or my exes new boyfriend, or what they wanted. They went completely offline for a few days, then came back and read all my messages, and never sent anything else. Who could this be? Could it be my new exes boyfriend for some reason? The account was fairly established, with a bitmoji and a snapscore of 30.

So me (19m) and my ex (23 trans m) met on a gay dating app (not grindr) and instantly had a good connection. We both met the first day we installed the app and talked for a week every day about everything we could and we eventually went on a first date. Instantly had an amazing connection and we had said we just wanted to be fwb, but we fell in love fast. We ended up dating for like a month which seems like nothing. On the second date we established that we were officially together. We gave each other gifts, went on sweet dates, did all sorts of kinky shit in bed, and did a ton of cool shit together. One night i had too much to drink and was really mean in bed with him, and he didn't enjoy it at all, I had no clue that i was being mean and i thought we were both having fun. He told me about it the next day and i instantly felt like absolute shit. I loved him so much and never meant to hurt him in any way. He said he wanted to keep seeing me and that he forgave me for the whole thing, and that he knew thats not the person i am. I quit drinking entirely for him, and stuck to it, thru the next week we talked like we usually did and it seemed like it was going to be all okay, but one day right before i was going to see him again, he said it will be the last time we see eachother, and that i could spend the night. I was absolutely heartbroken and devastated, we met one last time and ate in the back of my car. We ended up talking everything out and he forgave me again, and said that he just couldnt get over it, and that he was scared of me and didnt trust me anymore. I have been killing myself for ruining the image of myself for him. Anyways we made out a few times in my car, and we talked for a long time. We made pinky promises to eachother that we wouldnt block eachother on anything. Over the last few days, he blocked me on spotify, then a few days later he blocked me on instagram, and the next day he deleted our chats on the app we met on, and blocked me on there as well. I believe my number is still unblocked, however i believe he deleted my contact and put me in spam. Does anyone know what this means? Has he just moved on and doesnt care about me anymore? Or is he in pain and cant stand to see me anywhere so thats why he had to do that?

About a month and a half ago I met this really cute trans boy on a dating app for queers. I have never dated a boy before so this was a new one for me. We talked for a week all day every day on the app and eventually had the courage to call each other. We called a few times and talked for like 2 hours. Eventually we planned a date and when we met it was love at first sight. We instantly clicked and had an amazing time. FFW to a few weekends later, we got a bottle of screwball, and I decided to take a few shots while he was on acid. I thought I was sober enough while still being tipsy but it got out of control fast and I was way drunker than I knew. I have never been blasted drunk like that on anything before, and apparrantly we got intimate and I was being really rough and mean with him. I loved him with all my heart and I didn't want to harm him at all. We did like rough things in bed however if it got too rough I'd stop. The next morning he sat me down and we talked about it. I had no recollection of that happening at all. He said he wanted to keep seeing each other but didn't want to stay as boyfriends anymore. Over the next week we started talking less and less and I already knew that it was going to be over soon and it was my fault. He wanted to see me but said that it may be the last time. I knew in that moment. That it was over. And it was my fault. We met, ate food in the backseat, talked everything through, cried in each others arms, and he forgave me, but just simply couldn't move past what happened, though he wanted to so bad. We went to his and I gathered my things, and we had a final kiss and hug and a final goodbye. I have been crying the last 3 days since it happened and have been deeply regretting everything so bad. He loved me so much for me, and I loved him so much for him. I have been reflecting heavily on my actions and have been changing everything about myself to try to improve for whoever ends up finding me next. Can anyone give me advice on how to cope with the fact that I destroyed any chance of a future with the only boy who truly loved me?

TL;DR: I got drunk and was really mean during sex with the only person who ever loved me for me.