u/LongjumpingStand1426

How can I surround myself with artists who are significantly better than I am?
Are there any circles like this?
Irl I don’t have many friends so I don’t know any good artists.

So well just now I got into an argument with my mother and she said something that really bothered me (basically about me not being particularly good at anything).
I’ve been really bothered by the fact that I’m not good at anything for about two years now, so bothered that these past few months I have not been able to do anything, so naturally I felt awful after hearing that.
Right now I have a really big exam coming up in about three months and I know I should prioritise my exams however I’m just so so bothered by my creative writing and drawing (or just art in general) and not being good at those.
I tried telling my mum about that and how I felt to get some solace but she just kept on telling me about my discipline issues being the reason for not being good at those and that I should focus on my exams and start doing the art and writing after the exams. I know that is true but it didn’t make me feel any better. However I’m so set on improving my art and writing that I’m just so unmotivated to study. But right now I’m not good at my art and my writing and my grades have dropped so so so low.
I’ve been trying very hard to improve my art and writing since last year November and I’ve been working on aspects I think I’m weak in and I’m trying to get feedback but still I’m so stuck.
I don’t know what to do.
Overall I’m very unhappy and I’ve been feeling stuck for so long.
How do I stop feeling so bad (to put it in other words how do I stop being so emotional)?
I have identified that I have this very bad self-pitying issue. But that’s all I know for now.
Also I need advice on motivation to study.

Alright so I am a firm believer of spew my trash today so I can produce treasure tomorrow.
Yeah here’s some trash I wrote. It’s quite obvious from this piece that the author is overflowing with hormones. But yeah just gimme some advice. Looking back ig is very bad but I don’t know how to improve it.

It starts with a bag
Voices coiling, fluctuating timbres.
Bulging eyes and watery ones.
Unexplained ecstasy.

Train wrecks
overhead
Artilleries in your apartment
Molars grinding molars
Sounding and sounding.
Inebriated in friction
White usurping red and specks coming loose.

Eyes and shells

Eroding walls
Violent composure
Devoid of sound.

It proceeds with burgeoning lights
Eating itself, growing on the supply
(Nutrition piling atop carcass)
Costly fish
Red infrared into orange
Orange into blue
Cast into white
bulging eyes.

Gunpowder
Gray flicking white.

Now light is your God

Do as it says and pray.
Till the circuit is cut
And with the passing you blink.
Bulging eyeballs and bulging bulbs
Shabby shrines
Two-second funeral.
Part two lids and seal them back
(Part them again and all is black.)

It continues with a stagnant reek
Pet food and faeces
Loosening scales
Rotten matter.
There is only reek.
-
Someone’s started a fire
(You can’t place it.)
(Smoke signals
Passing into you.)
Belligerent soundlessness

Hold your nose above the bowl
The reek is no more.

We don’t know if it ends.

Run your hands over the bowl
Bulging into circumference
Misplaced geometry.

A crack. It extends from a chip in the rim. (Single leaves emerge from unfruitful soil.)
The line’s a fine dent. The chip’s pierced your fingertip. (Receipts are pierced in diners.)
Your finger’s wet and might be red. (You can’t be certain.)
Hold it close to your nose.

There’s nothing.
-
Grope the smoke
Stick your hands in the bowl.
Grainy water
And cold
Permeating
Bone marrow.
Fingers in a fist
Merry goldfish.

Heads or tails
Slapping your palm.

Lukewarm ash.

Gun barrel
Scalding hot.

(Intense heat produces visible light.)

The tail’s still and the head’s gone cold

Stuff the poor thing in the dry old bag
Pray in the heat.

(300 words)

Ya just help me out and gimme advice

So my grades are dropping A LOT
I used to be a topper in class and now a lot of my grades are horrible, and I believe I am below average in my class right now.
For example
Last year in chemistry sem1 I got 95
And this semester I got 66 (53/80)
I don’t have any motivation to study and this year and last year sem2 (August to December) I’ve been so focused on improving my art and learning new skills. Only the art thing worked and every time I try to learn something new I just lose my motivation all so quickly.

Another thing is that I don’t really have any friends at school and I think that has affected my mood or something. Well this is on me because I have this avoidant issue thing and I end up ditching everyone after liking them too much.

I think another factor is my infatuation with a certain person. It’s not my first time liking someone and this whole infatuation thing started long before my grades dropped. So I can’t be sure if this really plays a factor.

Help, what do I do?
I am very desperate to bounce back because if my grades don’t get better next semester I might have to switch from my school to another (I am currently in a semi-private high school and now money is tight and my family said they don’t wanna waste money on that school if my grades don’t get better)
I just feel so stuck. I don’t know how to start learning the stuff I wanna learn and my grades are just abominable and I can’t find value in myself for anything right now. Maybe I just need some friends. But even when it comes to socialising I just don’t wanna talk to anyone at all but I’m always so lonely. Self-pitying is evidently another issue (evidently as in it’s prevalent throughout this whole text) so if anybody can tell me how to stop that please do.

I have learnt piano up to grade 5 for now, but I recently stopped taking lessons. I still want to continue learning on my own. The problem is that I can’t play anything outside of my syllabus and I am horrendous at sight reading and music theory. (However I am not so interested in sight reading)
I want to try out playing by ear (I have never tried that out before) but I have no idea where to start.
So in conclusion two questions:

1. What parts of music theory are the most important and how can I apply them to piano playing? (Also what are the best ways to learn them?)
2. How do I start playing by ear?

Edit: I would like to try playing jazz and pop music

I might sound extremely dumb asking this here but I’m interested in music production but have no idea where to start.
I have learnt up to grade 5 piano (for now) but I absolutely suck at music theory and don’t know how to play any songs outside my syllabus.
Could anybody tell me how to start? Do I need to practice all the major and minor scales very very thoroughly and know them well before starting? Afterwards how do I continue?

I mostly write vignettes and poems
I want to try writing short stories but I don’t know what to write mostly
Sometimes I do write bout real stuff that happens to me irl (slightly altered so it’s still fiction) but other than that I can’t really write about anyone that’s not me.