u/Longjumping_Cry709

Just wanting to express this.

NO advice.

EMPATHY, COMPASSION and VALIDATION would be appreciated.

I WILL NOT not reply to dismissive, disrespectful, condescending comments

55, F, with C-PTSD

-14 years ago got clean & sober and started working on myself, meditating, reading self-help books

-the last 8 years repressed emotions from childhood abuse and neglect started surfacing, reading Pete Walker’s book and working as a nanny awakened me to truth of the emotional abuse and neglect I endured as a child, started to get in touch with my body, feelings, needs, boundaries

-the last 4 years flashbacks got more intense and more painful, lots of crying processing of trauma (the shame, guilt, fear, grief, anger, hopelessness) along with lots of meditation, body scans, time in solitude, getting more and self-aware and connected with true self, integrity

-the last 1.5, very intense and often excruciating pain coming up in constant flashbacks, TONS of processing and crying, suicidal feelings, could no longer work…my life collapsed and I lost my apartment and almost everything I owned, at the same time sensing my false sense crumbling and starting to hear this voice (and sometimes songs) in my head that can only describe as God or truth

-the last 7.5 months I’ve been homeless, staying in shelters, 9 shelters so far

-left 7 of those shelters and also spent one week without a shelter, began feeling really suicidal, I think my inner child was feeling trapped…and I felt God telling me that I had to go, strong feeling like a magnet pulling me, felt like do or die, also like I was losing my mind, like God taking over me, extremely horrifying, yet I sensed the healing in this process, maybe freeing me of my terror of abandonment

-I just left the shelter I was staying in for the last 3 weeks, again that strong pull, something telling me to get out

-so now I’m at an all night cafe feeling so tired and fed up with this game, feel angry, too, I’m at a total loss at this point, scared out of my mind, feel like giving up, but something keeps driving me on, don’t know how I can continue though

I do not want your clever words of spiritual wisdom, I just want to hear some genuine care and compassion because this has been

UTTER
FUCKING
HELL.

Thanks.

Homeless for 7.5 months and I feel like I want to die. My life is a constant flashback.

If you can offer some empathy and compassion, I would appreciate it.

Any words

55, F, I’ve done a shit ton of healing work over the last several years. Lost everything in 2025. I’ve been homeless for 7 months now. This whole situation is a flashback to my childhood.

I’ve been staying shelters. I’ve now bounced around 10 times, 6 different shelters. Basically, I stay as long as I can until the suicidal feelings become too much and then I go to the next place. I realize I’m in the same situation as my childhood, I wanted to escape but I couldn’t because I depended on my parents/abusers for my basic needs and for care. So there was this horrible conundrum of wanting to leave but needing to stay.

I feel such a deep sense of shame and guilt. Like no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, it’s never enough. I feel like it’s all my fault, just like I did as a child. Like if I just did the ‘right’ thing, things would be better and would be safe.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt such despair as I do now. Consciously, I want to live. But subconsciously, I can hear my inner child’s hopelessness and desire to just give up. It’s actually horrifying to me that part of me that I don’t have control over might want to self-sabotage.

My energy is low, my motivation is low, I just feel so tired of trying so hard all the time. I’ve done so much, fought so hard. It’s been hard for so long.

I want to keep going, I’m praying to God/Source for strength and courage and asking them to not give up on me. Often I’m angry at God too. How can any loving God allow me to feel so suicidal?

I know there’s got to be another side to this. Where I feel safe and peaceful, connected, even joyful.

Living is just so fucking hard and exhausting.

NO ADVICE and please don’t just talk about yourself.

If you can offer done genuine care, empathy and validation, I would appreciate it.

Thanks

55, F, have done a ton of healing work—14 years in total (clean&sober) the last 4 years have been so intense with constant flashbacks SO MUCH processing crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying crying

2025 was brutal. The most excruciating pain I’ve ever felt. Couldn’t work anymore. Lost my apartment of 8 years. My safe sanctuary.

My life collapsed.

Went homeless in the fall.

7 months I’ve been staying in shelters.

I’ve bounced from shelter to shelter 10 times. trying to keep myself safe. 10 times. It’s totally insane. INSANE.

I ended up spending a week without a shelter, staying at a mall and the library during the day and trying to catch some sleep at an all-night cafe and the airport.

I became severely sleep deprived.

Now I’m at another shelter. It’s low barrier.

I feel like I’m losing my mind at this point—it’s a never ending emotional hell. I feel like I’m living a nightmare.

I’m in a flashback now, collapse mode, and I feel:

Deep shame
Horrible guilt
Terror and
Hopelessness
Unbelievably alone
Tired of life

Like giving up

Like there’s nothing left for me here.

Like I’m in a black hole.

Like why did I do all that work to become a functional, fairly descent human being only to be stuck in this situation.

This is reliving my childhood.
This is the pain those bastards inflicted upon me. It’s
unimaginable
unfathomable
PAIN

Healing is fucking hell

God is ripping me to shreds, false self
Crum
bl
ing

(Don’t know why I’m writing like this.)

At least…. I have a bed, 3 meals a day, I can take showers. I’m physically healthy and able-bodied. I’m on government disability for C-PTSD.

But feel so alone in all this. Scared.
So scared.
No one to talk to, no one can relate.

Yet I don’t want to die. I’m fighting for my life every day.

Please, if you have any words of genuine care, empathy and compassion, I would appreciate it.

NO ADVICE

DO NOT JUST TALK ABOUT YOURSELF.

I’m at a very low point here. Be gentle.

55, F. I’ve been done deep and intense healing for about the last 6 years or so. I’m in non-stop flashbacks of deep shame, horrible guilt, terror, panic, rage, misery and sadness.

Last year my life fell apart and I went homeless and was staying in shelters. Last week, I just felt I couldn’t do a shelter again (there are so many dysfunctional, triggering people and my inner child felt stuck I think) so I’m now completely homeless. I’ve been spending my days at a mall and at the library and trying to get some sleep at an all night cafe or the airport. While carrying 3 bags everywhere I go. I’m severely sleep deprived and feeling completely hopeless. It’s so scary and stressful not having a bed to go to at the end of the day.

I know this is not sustainable. It feels like a dead end. Like my life is over. I don’t know if I have the courage to take my own life but I feel I can’t go on much longer like this.

I held hope for so long that it would get better and God would save me but things have just gotten worse…and worse…and worse.

Please respond with SENSITIVITY, GENTLENESS, EMPATHY AND COMPASSION.

NO advice.

please DO NOT just talk about yourself.

I’m feeling very very vulnerable here.

I deserve to exist exactly as I am.

I deserve to exist even when I’m in a tremendous amount of emotional pain.

I deserve to exist even when I feel intensely shameful and guilty, and deeply sad.

I deserve to exist even when I feel scared, terrified, frustrated or enraged.

I deserve to exist even when I’m not being what our society deems as ‘productive’. The truth is healing is very important and useful and a momentous journey.

I deserve to exist even though I’m experiencing homelessness.

I deserve to exist even when I feel like I want to die.

I deserve to exist even when I feel tired or exhausted.

I deserve to exist even when I feel vulnerable, weak and emotionally raw.

I deserve to exist even when I make mistakes because I’m learning and figuring things out.

I deserve to exist even when I feel I’m failing, falling short or getting it wrong.

I deserve to exist even though I am an imperfect, flawed human being who is very traumatized and wounded.

I feel shameful and guilty all the time and I live in constant terror. I have never felt safe, relaxed or fully present and in my body for the entire 55 years I’ve been on this planet.

In order to heal, I’ve been sitting through the excruciating shame, guilt and reliving the fear of abandonment for the past 8 years. It’s been unfathomably gruelling, relentless, painful and agonizing. Literally, being raised by two narcissists was like having a gun to my head—I always felt like one wrong move and I’m doomed.

FUCK THEM!!! FUCK THEM ALL TO HELL!!!

55, F, have done a TON of healing work and have been no contact with my whole narcissistic family for 5.5 years.

I just wanted to express this. I feel really really sad. I’ve been having this trigger come up now that I’m homeless and having to deal with caseworkers.

I want to be seen and known, not told what to do, condescend to or treated like a child. It’s so maddening and I sense there’s a lot of grief behind it. I will never know what it’s like to have parents who truly respect me and love me unconditionally. That’s a huge hole they left in me. It’s sooo painful.

If you can respond in a validating, empathetic and compassionate way, I would appreciate it.

I have done TONS of healing work. I’m just wanting to express myself and be heard.

They filled me with fear, dread and an impending sense of doom by scolding me, shaming and blaming me, belittling me, intimidating me, invalidating me and dismissing and ignoring me.

I lived in CONSTANT TERROR of doing something wrong, making a mistake, displeasing them, being somehow ‘imperfect’, being not enough, being too much. I had to constantly try to mind-read them, try to guess what they wanted. I constantly feared being punished, rejected, abandoned and discarded. I thought I was going to die. I felt like I wanted to die.

Healing from this, reliving all of these emotions, is ABSOLUTELY FUCKING HELL.

I’m 55 and currently homeless after years of intense healing work. I’m really really struggling here. If you have some words of genuine care, empathy and compassion, I would appreciate it.

Looking for movies that are heartwarming and/or inspiring and also have depth, ideally more recent movies made 2010-present, something character-driven. It can be sad, too. Just something simple, human.

Drama

Romance

Teen romance

LGBTQ romance/drama

NO dumb comedies.

Some movies I’ve enjoyed:

My Days of Mercy

The Map of Tiny Perfect Things

Unstoppable

2 Hearts

The narcissistic, abusive ‘mother’ who raised me made me feel like I was never good enough, that I was always falling short, that there was something fundamentally and horribly wrong with me. She made me believe that I was weak, abnormal, incompetent, defective and despicable. She made me feel unlovable and unacceptable.

She made me feel like I was bad, that I could never get it right. She made me feel like if I made one wrong move, I was doomed. She made me so terrified and horrified.

I hate you for what you did to me, ‘mother’. I hate you for all that you took from the sweet, innocent, beautiful, sensitive, powerful and brilliant little girl that I was. I hate you for stealing my authenticity, my integrity, my sense of safety in the world, my peace and my joy. I hate you for robbing me of so much of my life, my precious time on this planet.

Fuck you, Mona!!! Fuck you for oppressing me, for making me believe that I had to be perfect while you got away with your abuse and neglect. Fuck you for making me feel so horrible and miserable that I wanted to die. Rot in hell, bitch.

and shove it up your ass!!!

55, F, I’ve been healing for several years.

I am constantly in a flashback. Mostly terror, shame, guilt and deep sadness and suicidal feelings these days. Sometimes also anger, rage, grief, it’s so fucking painful just getting through a day—I am just sitting with this pain as much as I can, crying when I need to. I’m SO tired of this. It’s so relentless and gruelling…wave after wave after wave.