u/Lost_Negotiation8067

Like I have to look for a job, I have to get money to live, I have to make breakfast, I have to fucking eat. Everything feels extremely daunting like there's this big crippling force that's tightly binding me and feels incredibly greater than my own that I can't fight against that everything is so tiresome just to think about doing and at the same time anxiety inducing. Like even the things I "love" or my hobbies. It's gotten to a point where I question if I even liked them in the first place or not.

Has anyone felt so? And how can someone deal with this? It feels putrid and swampy and incredibly suffocating

دلوقتي انا داخل خامسة صيدلة و مش عارف الصراحة ممكن اشتغل ايه و اعمل ايه في دنيتي و ايه اللي ممكن يناسبني او اكون مؤهل ليه

أنا الenglish بتاعي fluent, native bilingual

الgpa بتاعي 3.2

اتدربت في صيدلية و مستشفى و اشتغلت في مكان خيري تطوعي لمساعدة و تعليم الأطفال و كنت brand Manager فترة في شركة start up بس اضطريت اسيب الشغل ده لأسباب عائلية و بحاول الاقي دلوقتي شغل. بعرف اعمل research كويس و بتعلم بسرعة مش باخد وقت

الفكرة ان مهاراتي اغلبها حاسسها مش متعلقة اوي بمجال قريب من مجال دراستي. يعني من صغري و انا بكتب سواء مقالات او قصص صغيرة و الفلسفة و علم النفس و بحب التخيل و بناء القصص و الnarratives و اني اربط حجات ببعض ممكن ميبقاش ليها علاقة ببعض.

فايه ممكن اشتغله او اعمله و انا طالب كشغل او عالأقل بناء لشغل؟

Holy shit that was longer than expected sorry if this sounds offensive to anyone but I just wanted to get this off my chest, see if anyone relates and hopefully get some advice on what to do.

I don't know what to do with my life. Like, at all.

For some context, I'm 22 and let's just say I'm not that partial towards the industry heading into my senior year. I actually had a really promising job but due to an unforeseen perdicement.... whatever I was planning got upended and I have to start my life from scratch pretty much.

Idk whether this is due to sheer ignorance or just utter unbudging naïveté but everything EVERYTHING is intriguing, with complexes and nuances and branches that intertwine and lock with other things' branches. And if the thing is meh at first glance it atleast has a very intersting history and story to tell. My previous job had nothing to do with pharma & something way out of my ball park but when I got into that environment everything was interesting, learning and connecting seemingly unrelated things to each other was incredibly interesting and exhilarating. Not all my conclusions were ground breaking, or even correct at times, but still I was learning and getting new perspectives from all over.

Now the problem is I'm like this with everything God or human has ever created. I get into rabbit holes about topics and weird discussions and spaces because I find it interesting and connect those dots and find patterns between them. I feel I'm just a trivia hoarder with weird neural pairings and associations. If I'm put into an environment I just ponder agape at everything and start creating scenarios and problems and solutions with whatever priors, even if unrelated, I have and what I receive and just create some bullshit in my head.

It seems I can never learn vertically, it's always horizontal. Maybe at times I can get diagonal. But I've never reached or harnessed the bottom of a topic's well of knowledge (atleast not that of a useful topic that is)

Here's a glimpse of my interests and stuff that I dwelled in

Writing, calligraphy, various arts and art styles, art history, literature, neuropsychiatry, neurology, psychology, pharmacology, neuropharmacology, behavioural sciences, narrative therapy, storytelling, narrative construction, colors, design, art direction, fashion, music and music theory, sociology, drawing

The thing is that I view this as one big block, big tree and they all either are related or lead into each other.

Been told I'd be a great teacher(kids love you!), your handwriting is amazing you should get into calligraphy, you'd make a great researcher, a great clinical pharmacist, a great therapist, a great writer, a great voice actor,a great content creator, a great storyteller, a great writer, a great creative director

I'm not qualified for any of those things. It just feels like I'm a bundle of "potential(s)"

I just like stuff. And I feel that liking all that stuff and those interests and the constant jumping ship means I don't actually like any of that stuff. I don't have an identity, "me" is nothing it's any concept you think of. A chameleon. And the field's jobs, atleast the mainstream ones like industry, hospital, retail just to me strike a very odd tone of being incredibly lackluster and dull yet really stressful somehow

Maybe I am the elusive ULTRA RARE "polymath" as per YouTube experts but that doesn't tell me anything I'm lost as ever and scared as ever. Idk what career to pursue my resume has nothing but volunteer work teaching children health stuff and a couple of trainings one at a hospital(had some moments but still felt unriviting. I thought it would be way more impactful tbh) and one at a pharmacy( which I didn't like at all). That's it. My GPA is mid. The only reason I got my previous job which I had to leave was because of a friend there that put a good word and they were growing.

I'm now cut off from all of that (some bs happened because of my family) and I'm in a new environment with just a blank slate idk where to go or what to do with myself, what to work, what to pursue. This is all so daunting. I feel paralysed and suffocated, please any advice or help from anyone wiser would be really really needed and appreciated. Sorry for this humongous wall of text but I have nowhere to go & no one to reach.

Sorry for the long post but I'm in dire straits
Ok so I'm 21 and my parents were upset that I'm making plans with my gf for our future(for context, we come from an extremely conservative religious background where you have to get engaged to get know a person with the parents' approval) and they talked to me and had a huge fight how we can't be together right now or in the near foreseeable future and we shouldn't talk and just stick to and focus on my college.

We didn't and i tried to practically convince them how it was possible, I found a cool job (tangential and not really relevant to my major) but I liked it, pays decently and has a lot of upside. Another fight ensued where my dad said that I'm never present and always outside the house and he knew that me and my gf were till talking and he nor my mom approve of this and won't allow it and basically rejected her and said that they won't have her in our lives and it was either us or her.

Broken by this, I said I'll try to be more present but please let me work and how important this is to my future and he wouldn't accept unless if i don't talk to her, I told him that we wouldn't talk. I wanted the heat to die down and told my gf so and we cut back on talking. Obviously we couldn't stop. And the thing is her parents are extremely sweet and they literally don't want anything but my parents are in complete refusal and saying that I'm selfish and only care about myself and would throw them away in a nursery if i had the chance.

Now a couple of weeks ago my dad opened my phone and found that we were still talking and ever since then my mom ad dad have been threatening me with their own health and death if i don't leave her forever saying they will never agree to this and never want to meet her. That I'm a selfish bastard, a liar, a cheat, a fucking oath breaker and not a 'man' and that i'm untrustworthy.

They've driven an ultimatum where if I step foot out of the house they will never have me or respond to my calls or texts and that "we may be of no use to you but at least let us live for your sister" My mom literally agrees and supports this blackmail and negligence for one's own life and is doing so too, saying that i "have to choose" and leave her and leave my job.

The problem is both their health can't handle this strain, my mom was really tired and for two days I had to be with her and she is just begging me to just heed what they're saying and again my sister still needs them and that I'm destroying all their lives.

so now I'm trapped in this house and my dad has taken away all electronic devices from our house and I can't reach anyone I snuck to the family computer to post this and before I was able to sneak past a couple of emails to people I know and under threat an email to my employer that i cant continue working there.

My friend has actually spoken to my employer and surprisingly they won't fire me after my weird abrupt disppearence and they actually want to help. My gf doesn't know the exact circumstances but is praying for me. I literally don't know what to do and I feel like my life is literally a trolley problem and I just want everything to end.

I don't really know why I feel this way or what to do about it. I've been very fiery and passionate towards her for over 7 months but i started feeling like this ever since we had a fight a couple of months ago, something about our families and marriage. She said that that won't work with her so I thought we were breaking up and I stood in silence. We got back after she reached out to me and said that she was upset and felt I wasn't trying and she didn't matter enough to me.

But she does matter and I'm trying my damnest. But that antagonism shut me down. I like talking to her and being with her but it isn't as fiery as before some sparks still flare up every once in a while, Hell, a couple of days ago i had one of the best days ive had in a while we were just goofing atound after a rough college exam. But, regularly, it isn't like before and alot of times I feel tired overall and numb from life and I just don't want to text her. I don't know if this is the honeymoon phase being over or what exactly is just making me feel numb towards the world as a whole and me not being able to sense any emotion whatsoever causing me to also not feel this fire that I used to feel towards her. Idk and I don't even know how or what I feel on a regular basis if I feel anything at all.

Please, any help would be greatly appreciated because I don't know what to do

I don't really know why I feel this way or what to do about it. I've been very fiery and passionate towards her for over 7 months but i started feeling like this ever since we had a fight a couple of months ago, something about our families and marriage. She said that that won't work with her so I thought we were breaking up and I stood in silence. We got back after she reached out to me and said that she was upset and felt I wasn't trying and she didn't matter enough to me.

But she does matter and I'm trying my damnest. But that antagonism shut me down. I like talking to her and being with her but it isn't as fiery as before some sparks still flare up every once in a while, Hell, a couple of days ago i had one of the best days ive had in a while we were just goofing atound after a rough college exam. But, regularly, it isn't like before and alot of times I feel tired overall and numb from life and I just don't want to text her. I don't know if this is the honeymoon phase being over or what exactly is just making me feel numb towards the world as a whole and me not being able to sense any emotion whatsoever causing me to also not feel this fire that I used to feel towards her. Idk and I don't even know how or what I feel on a regular basis if I feel anything at all.

Please, any help would be greatly appreciated because I don't know what to do