u/Loud-Article-6353

My ex is forcing trial against the GAL and custody study recommendations. The children have done the GAL schedule over a year and said they do not want it to change. The investigators were fully aligned on a 65/35 schedule. That was solidified by ongoing issues, not just historical ones and also highlighted ongoing concern with 30-50 minute commute my ex created from the kids school, activities, and community. While I requested increase in time during studies, I am aligning with the GAL, study, kids, and status quo for trial. My ex is demanding 50/50.

I provided extensive documentation to the GAL and investigator. It resulted in a 30 page document that my lawyer said is very scathing towards my ex. However, it was sealed to attorney and judge eyes only due to the contents. I did report emotional abuse of the children, but not being able to read the single biggest piece of evidence that judge will examine is hard.

My lawyer said this judge has a very low tolerance for parents going back and forth with text. She basically checks out and won't even listen. His plan is to focus on few big things of the commute, stability with me as primary caregiver, and children's wishes.

My ex and his lawyer mostly have focused on attacking me and saying any issues raised about him don't exist. I always have evidence for the GAL, so most of his issues have just fizzled out. Yet, I feel very exposed just trying I don't need much to defend myself from whatever they try to pull at trial. Is it common when you side with the third party professionals to largely rely on their recommendations? What if my ex somehow discredits both?

I have made a few posts. I gave a number of concessions during mediation, but my ex has officially rejected everything in mediation. If you had a GAL and custody study that were in alignment, did you go with those recommendations or try to push for more? The GAL recommendation is already the status quo and has been temporarily for over a year. Currently, it is set at 65/35. I think my ex is pushing for 50/50 or sole. He has been sending emails to the GAL now saying I am an unfit mother to the GAL. In the past he demanded I need psychological evaluations as well that the GAL rejected. The custody study I understand was completely scathing for my ex, but it is sealed to judge and attorneys only.

While the GAL said the study recommended no change as the kids were content, since the kids met the investigator, there have been a steady escalation of issues again. This includes problems in school on transitions days and also my kids calling me over and over when they are with their dad. This is not typical. He does speak extensively with them about court to the extent therapists have had to tell him to stop. He also has admitted to turning the kids against me. That is all ramping up again with my daughter asking me out of the blue if I can fight to take dad's Friday nights. I don't ever talk to my kids about court and when she mentioned it I thought we likely had a settlement agreement.

My bigger concern is I know my ex isn't stable. I tried working with him when he left me, but he told me he was in therapy and would quick drinking and hitting the kids. The GAL has told me he isn't in therapy anymore. The kids tell me he is still drinking against prohibition. He attended therapy for a short time and basically stopped and blamed all his issues on me. The kicker is he stopped at the same time I have him on video emotionally abusing our daughter while he told the GAL he was doing great.

My question is if you went to trial, did you just try to align with the court investigators? My lawyer seems to say I can push slightly in the other direction, but the GAL recommended against it. I think I'm baffled at this point as my ex cannot accept the shear number of problems and just letting me manage the kids as their home base. My lawyer is saying it will cost each of us around another 30-40K to go to trial. I have already spent over 20K.

I gave a number of concessions during mediation. If you had a GAL and custody study that were in alignment, did you go with those recommendations or try to push for more? The GAL recommendation is already the status quo, so it is a mountain. Currently, it is set at 65/35. I think my ex is pushing for 50/50 or sole. He has been sending emails to the GAL now saying I am an unfit mother to the GAL.

My concern is I know my ex isn't stable. I tried working with him when he left me, but he told me he was in therapy and would quick drinking and hitting the kids. The GAL has told me he isn't in therapy anymore. The kids tell me he is still drinking against prohibition. He attended therapy for a short time and basically stopped as I think he blamed all his issues on me. The kicker is he stopped at the same time I have him on video emotionally abusing our daughter while he told the GAL he was doing great.

My question is if you went to trial, did you just try to align with the court investigators? My lawyer seems to say I can push slightly in the other direction, but the GAL recommended against it. While the GAL said the study recommended no change as the kids were content. Since the kids met the investigator, there have been a steady escalation of issues again with problems in school and also my kids calling me over and over when they are with their dad. This is not typical. He does speak extensively with them about court to the extent therapist have had to tell him to stop. He also has admitted to turning the kids against me.

I involved a GAL to review our case as my ex has a lot of issues and I don't feel our children are safe or stable with him. She determined I should be primary parent for a number of reasons and recommended a 65/35 split that the judge ordered temporarily. My ex insisted on custody study demanding 50/50 or sole custody. During the study, he pulled out all the stops. Showing up all the time for the kids. Showering them with gifts. However, he was also actively admitting to turning them against me, listing his gf as mother on forms, and skipping taking them to therapy during his time. The study was scathing for him according to my lawyer, but the GAL and investigator said schedule stays as the kids are content. When my lawyer told me that I said I can't argue as the kids do seem content and happy their dad finally seemed to care. Honestly, my ex was giving them tons of attention and while I told my lawyer I feel it is just a show, it was a show that lasted months. I wanted to settle and my lawyer said based on the study I will end up with a very robust parenting plan.

It was my exes first weekend since the custody study and the show is done. My son who almost never calls me, called me 11x over 2 days including 5 on Father's Day. The last time he was crying hysterically he just wants his mom. His sister helped me calm him down. These things haven't happened in about 1.5 years. I also didn't think the switch would flip this fast for my ex. I figured it would take months before he starts treating them badly or skipping parenting time.

As soon as I sign, I think my ex will likely start skipping time. I don't think it has ever been about the kids for him. For me it was locking in a parenting plan that allowed me to protect the kids, but not to block their father. Yet, my ex is an alcoholic and when things like a negative custody study happen to him, the result usually ends up being a bottle of vodka a day and him going after our kids and all I can do is send them there and hope it doesn't get to bad.

Everything I understand is to not question the kids about what is happening at the other parents house. My ex tells our kids to keep secrets as well and after he did that they stopped mentioning even more. I have no clue what secrets, but I know he is drinking against prohibition. It is just my kids randomly mention it versus calling me when it is happening. For our adult child, by the time she hit 12 she was clearly telling me dad was passed out in vomit. Do most kids just naturally open up? I really don't know how to protect them at this point, but my lawyer is adding provisions for me to be able to show up and demand test. He said that has resulted in some of his clients getting sole custody.

I could call the GAL, but I know she would need more than 1 weekend to take any action.

When my ex left me, he said he wanted 50/50 on paper, but I could keep the kids all the time. He did mention support, but I don't know his motivations. He never cared that much about being a dad, but he was there. His kids love him. He loves his kids, but at the end of the day he does prioritize himself and I'm their primary caretaker. Even after I filed, he was skipping time constantly until he was called out in court. At that point, I had the kids about 80-90%, but still offered him 70%. When he skipped father's day, I think a switch flipped and I just said in my head you don't actually care about being a dad.

Transparently, my ex has a lot of issues and in our relationship I took care of nearly everything. I think when I see him fail over and over trying to step up for court, it makes me slightly concerned for him, but also I just want to scream let me take care of things. An example is he demanded to take over half our kids therapy appointments. He stopped setting things up, so I setup one during his time for him to take our child and said it is placeholder. He said never do it again. I said fine, but then he stopped scheduling and contacting the kids therapist altogether for months so they missed lots of appointments and I coordinated with their therapist to keep them on track. I was fine taking care of it 100%, but now our kid's care is neglected in his attempt to look good for courts. Of course, it was mentioned by GAL, so now he called the therapist again.

Now he demands to take all of his time even when it doesn't make sense for our kids. An example is he moved 40 min away and he wants one child to leave practice at 8PM, drive back, then come back to my community in the morning for music. Our child is saying why do I have to spend over and hour in the car to sleep there. I just say it is the schedule, but I also see our kids getting burnt out. I also don't think before I filed my ex would ever have done this type of stuff. He would have just let them stay with me.

I feel my ex is in a fight with himself and my kids are in the cross fire. He is an alcoholic and even before our relationship ended he wasn't actually functional anymore, he just isn't getting constant DUIs and ending up in rehab. He can manage a part time flexible job.

I filed largely to get breathalyzers, but part of me regrets it. Before I filed he let me handled everything and keep the kids most of the time especially if they just wanted to stay with me. Does it ever go back to that once a final order is issued? Can parents ever accept the kids are better of with one of the parents especially when distance and other factors are at play? I do think he has taken a beating as he knows in most cases parents are given 50/50, but he has been called out for a number of issues.

I felt very pressured in mediation and end up giving a lot of concessions. Now we had goals for kids and those are not even bring met. My ex and his lawyer got a ton, but it is what is best for him not my kids and I dont know if I want to give up everything my kids care about to settle. I messaged my lawyer and it isn't drafted yet. Were you in similar space? Transparently my ex may still not even settle as he kept making more demands. Did you have to pull back some compromises to say this isn't going to work based on first draft?

Yesterday my daughters friend was telling me about something and then shared her dad told her to keep a secret from her mom. My child suddenly jumped in and said dad's do that as I have a lot of secrets with my dad. My mom doesn't do secrets. Her friend then asked me not to report it to her mom and I just said I wouldn't get in between her parents. I didn't press on my daughter, but I have reported safety issues to court and am genuinely concerned. For the reported safety concerns, my ex used those to turn the children against me. The children have also reported their dad drinking against court prohibition and being sedated against doctor's recommendations. Knowing my child has lots of secrets is hard. I plan on reporting to her therapist, but I'm not sure what else to do as I already know my children are not safe.

Also, my ex tries to become dad of the year when he believes someone will ask the kids about custody. Recently my daughter was playing court with her dolls and acting out children talking to the judge, so my guess is he believes the children will talk to the judge next (they have already talked to 3 court officials on top of therapists and psychologists).

The other concern is he suddenly invited our children's friends over to his house. He only does this around hearings, so I don't suspect it becomes ongoing. Yet, I don't say much about my ex to anyone, I'm fine with my kids and all their friends, parents, etc. thinking their dad is a great dad. I share my concerns with the GAL and courts. Yet, one of these children has struggled with saying racist comments and his parents have done a lot to limit negative influence. Yet, I know my ex is extremely racist. On top of that the kids told me dad is planning to take all the kids to a location where he illegally poaches wildlife.

I mostly have to accept my ex breaks laws with our kids and creates extremely unsafe environments. Has anyone had to manage when they know it is happening to other kids? My kids say mom doesn't keep secrets, but honestly sometime it feels like my entire life is a lie. I tell my kids and the world one thing, while I have pages and pages of documentation I'm providing the courts. This feels like the first time those worlds have collided.

I am in a custody battle that has lasted over 2 years. Currently, a custody study was ordered based on my exes request after he was not happy with the GAL recommendation. The first study was delayed, but then issues came up that resulted in the GAL changing from a private custody study to a county custody study. That study was ordered to be completed over 6 weeks ago.

When my ex refused to settle, the GAL indicated she felt he was opening a can of worms but wouldn't stand in his way. My lawyer did not either as he said the study would provide evidence. The amount of issues that came up during the study is substantial when most parents are on their best behavior.

The stress of waiting is hard. I know with the GAL it was a lot, but I knew things like joint legal custody were set. Now everything is up in the air as my ex has done things to jeopardize legal custody. My lawyer indicated the sheer amount of third party evidence is not typical.

Once your custody study was completed, did that push a settlement or faster trial? I assumed that once the GAL made a recommendation it would push a settlement. At this point, I just want a final order and to be done with investigations.

Are parallel parenting plans typically very long? I'm trying to go through all my notes and the document keeps getting longer. I was just going to provide it to my lawyer with a cheat sheet why I want each item and associated evidence. The biggest issues span substance use, safety, legal decision making, alienation, extracurriculars, and significant others.

What did you prepare to ensure your lawyer could function most effectively? My case is fairly complex and my ex is abusive.

At my last hearing, the judge specifically mentioned a state law that allows her to dismiss any requests if court orders are broken. My ex has broken a number of court orders since I filed. She also requested to bring the evidence listing along with our preferred parenting plans at the next hearing.

Do judges actually do this at hearings if there is proof of violations of court orders?

I filed with sole custody to get safety provisions in a parenting plan as my ex demanded time with the children and I didn't trust him. I never blocked his access. I provided him 50/50 schedule, but by the time we went to court there were so many issues I change my position. He admitted to skipping tons of time so the judge had little tolerance for the temporary order.

Our children have a GAL who also felt it was in our kids best interest to be with me for a majority of time, but still gave dad meaningful placement. I didn't think she took all of the issues seriously, but I also was fine with settling.

My ex refused and cycled through 3 lawyers to find one who told him what he wanted to hear. She demanded I get a psych evaluation which was denied, but he was granted a custody study. Now that is due any day and I suspect that will heavily be in my favor as he has done a lot of things to impact our kids even during the study, so much so it has delayed the delivery of the report to process the evidence.

I retained my lawyer as he seemed reasonable. He said the system usually sides with GALs, so work with her and let's just be reasonable. I was never looking for a fight. I just wanted my kids protected. He hasn't been very aggressive at all. He has told me to meet with the GAL or evaluator a few times to escalate issues and says I do it wonderfully, so he likes it to come from me versus him. My exes lawyer is so aggressive, I do think she has rubbed the GAL wrong at times. Can that backfire at trial with a judge? I am questioning do I need a very aggressive lawyer? If I'm going to trial do I fight tooth and nail or continue to just be reasonable and say I trust the judgement of the professionals who reviewed all the paperwork? I didn't really have a desire to spend tens of thousands of dollars for 15% of parenting time, but if I'm going to trial do I insist my lawyer pushes for everything I want?

I picked up my kids yesterday hoping to have a great day. It started with my daughter explaining to me that Mother's Day isn't really about just moms. It is to celebrate all the special women in children's life which is why she bought dad's girlfriend a present and they celebrated her today.

This is near constant now. He also asked me to give up my parenting time and my child explained to me that dad wants to take her on an activity that only her and her siblings are allowed to do, so it is so special. It is during my parenting time and I already told him no.

A month ago he took our kids to the ER and listed his girlfriend as mom. He admitted trying to turn my kids against me for raising significant safety concerns the courts agreed with me on. Every time I pick them up from him, I hear new things.

I'm scared one day it is going to work. He is going to make our kids hate me like he made his oldest hate her mom. Now even mother's day isn't a day for me, I'm just one other person. Am I overreacting?

I tried to settle with my ex based on the GAL recommendation. He refused and pushed for a custody study. Now that the study is almost complete, I suspect my ex is actually going to lose time and possibly legal custody given a large number of issues that occurred from the previous GAL recommendation a year ago. He is already talking to our young kids (10 and 7) about them being able to speak to the judge and about custody issues. My guess is he is now preparing for a full trial. The amount of evidence is staggering, but he continues to insist on 50/50. If the GAL and his custody study advise I should have more time, can I request he pays for the GAL and my lawyer fees for trial? The GAL and evaluator have done nothing wrong. My ex just can't accept courts focus on actions, not empty promises.

I am the mom of a children with a narcissist. My son can't really speak about his feelings. I thought maybe he was just slow and that was fine as he is so very special. I know his dad mostly tossed him to the side for his favored child. When my son gets stressed out, I see all the patterns. I see the nightmares. I see the wheels spinning in his head more. I know when my ex is abusing my kids. I see all the patterns. I document them all. Now a psychologist confirmed it is the family stress that causes my son to have major issues in school. It isn't his biology and he doesn't have ADHD. I already knew that, but holding the paperwork feels different.

My son told the psychologist about his fears. I gave then the drawings of dad. I knew it was bad. Yet, somehow I thought if my son is slow, maybe he is protected. He isn't slow though. He sees everything. His spatial visual IQ at 96% nearly qualifies him for Mensa. Every expression on our faces, every infliction, every lie, every manipulation, my son sees. Yet, his processing speed is 3%. My son has a 93 point difference when psychologist say a 15 point difference can make it hard for a person. It is why he has nightmares as his brain is processing all the lies and manipulation that he can't fully understand, but yet he sees. It comes out in drawings of dad being killed by monsters. My son tells a psychologist he feels he is going crazy. To me he just says over and over I want to be with you mom when he gets stressed. I think cause I will just sit with him in the quiet and we are at peace.

I wanted to post as my son would quality as Twice Exceptional. This makes him more vulnerable to trauma and the anxiety that results only dampens his ability to process things. Has anyone else here shown results similar to my son? What helped you? What could your mom have done better? Obviously, I'm in a custody battle and looking for a new therapist who is more equipped to help my son. I have read EMDR can help along with using pictures in therapy.