u/LunarLactrodectus

Hello! I have been trying to learn more about my Samoan family. My dad was adopted so all I have been able to use to dig into this so far was his father's name and where he was born.

My paternal family has roots in Faga'itua, American Samoa. My great great grandfather's name (from what I can see) was Iava To'omata, and the name Iava To'omata has been passed down multiple generations within my family.

I am trying to figure out where the family name comes from. I know To'omata has been historically used as a matai title, but I haven't been able to figure out whether my family has any connection to To'omata as a title or if it is simply a surname that has been passed down.

My great grandmother was from Faga'itua, but I wasn't able to find where her husband or his father were originally from.

Does anyone here happen to know anything about the Iava To'omata name or where I could look for older Samoan genealogical records?

I have tried to leave many times and I have failed many times. I feel like this time will be my most successful. I have been doing a lot to try to genuinely be there for myself and allow myself the space to feel. I broke no contact once and was met with gaslighting and manipulation. It hurt, I almost expected it, but it was a lesson. I immediately went back to keeping him blocked.

There's been a lot of good happening around me. Work is great, I have more friends. But, I am very deeply depressed. On my days off I sleep until 4pm. My physical health has taken a huge toll and I am in constant pain. It's a struggle to do anything.

Underneath this depression, I no longer feel anger about what happened. But a lot of grief. I grieve the person I was 4 years ago. The girl who was full of hope and light. She wanted him to be the one so badly. She has stuck with me this entire time and I understand now that she is the reason I kept going back. She held onto that hope for so long. She believed all of the broken promises. Right up until the end. And I don't blame her one bit.

I just can't help but feel like I wasted 4 years of my life. I feel like I could've been much further along with my life if I wasn't stuck in survival mode for so long, just trying to stay afloat. I grieve the person I could've been today if I never went on that first date to begin with.

This song used to mean something to us

you didn't love me. you loved that i loved you, and never said no.