u/Madadh_Rua

You hurt me. Really badly. But I know part of that is because I also hurt you.

I know you struggled, and I really tried to help. Probably not as well as I could or should have. If I had my time over, I would do better, and maybe we wouldn't have ended up in this mess.

But here we are. Pain. Betrayal. Love that is no longer strong enough.

I'm working hard to get over my pain, and I know you're blaming yourself right now. Probably spiralling in a whirlpool of guilt and shame.

Please don't stay on that path for any longer than is "necessary". Those feelings are probably why you think you want to fix us, but as a couple we're not going to function again - and we haven't for a long time.

Some day you'll see that, and I hope then you can put the work in and get the happiness you deserve. I'm sorry it won't be with me, but I really feel we'll both come out better on the other side.

Not as lovers. Not as soulmates. Not in each other's lives anymore, but hopefully still friends. More than just a "happy birthday" text. I still care for you. I always will.

But we need to let each other go now.

So, for boring reasons I can't logically explain, I haven't delved into metal much despite loving a few bands (Metallica and SOAD as a teenager and still today, and lately I've really gotten into Clutch).

Metallica: Early stuff better, but I'm not in the "Everything after Justice/Black Album is shit" camp.

Clutch: Self titled album is amazing, but I love pretty much everything they've put out.

SOAD: First album OK, everything else perfection.

Obviously I like bands Black Sabbath and Iron Maiden too.

I know this is not a lot to work with, but if anyone feels like throwing some recommendations my way, I'd appreciate it!

Hey there, 35m moving over from Ireland in a couple of months. I have a job and accommodation sorted already, so not looking for tips in that regard.

I will need to get a car, I'm assuming 4WD is best. What can I expect for 4-5k? Or could I lease long term?

How social are people in Calgary? I'm worried about making new friends. I don't drink heavily but I do so socially. Are there good rock/dive bars? I think I'll meet 'my people' there.

Is there a social scene around Cavalry FC? I love soccer and would gladly join a casual supporter's 5 a side game, if such a thing existed.

I've started working out and will join a gym there, but I'm not really sure how to make friends there?

Other things I like or will try: Volunteering, outdoors, darts.

Any other tips for socialising or just getting to know the city, things I should know culturally, financially etc are welcome of course.

Thanks in advance 😊

Just venting here, I'm a little all over the shop.

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Last Saturday, I found out my wife has been having an ongoing affair with a work colleague (ranging from emotional closeness, then a couple of kisses, then a sex act in work, then finally sleeping together).

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Some context: I cheated 20 months ago (a 'free pass' I bent the rules on). We had been working through that, obviously not well enough though. We had some intimacy and connection issues before my cheating too.

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I had suspected something was up with her for the last few months, there were changes in behaviour that were obvious - though sometimes I put it down to her being in a social group with work friends where coke use is regular. I didn't want to be a part of that, so I thought that's why I was being frozen out.

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I confronted her more than once about him, and she lied straight to my face each time. The worst part? We were due to go travelling for a couple of months and then emigrate for good.

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The last possible time she could have finally slept with him was this day two weeks ago... And that's exactly what she did. Went to bed beside me. Woke up and said she was going to visit a female work friend to say goodbye. Left me alone cleaning out our apartment. Slept with him. Came back like nothing happened.

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Had a going away party with both our families on the Friday night. Left the country with me on the Monday. And spent all that them texting him about how great the sex was and how much she misses him.

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I know all this because I only found out by checking her phone - which is even worse than you can imagine.

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Anyway, I just needed a place to put thoughts. If anyone wants to offer their thoughts, that is more than welcome.

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I am back home now, still intent on doing the emigration part of our plan - just on my own instead. Separation needs to happen, then divorce.

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Am I rattled? Yes.

Did I see it coming? Yes.

Am I culpable in the breakdown of our marriage? Yes.

Am I weirdly relieved I'm not crazy and my suspicions were correct? Yes.

Am I also looking forward to regaining my individuality and identity? Yes.