cruise ship, beach, pool, concerts, Anna Karenina, Everything is Illuminated, Cowboy Bebop.
none of them happened and they never will.
All you do is make plans to destroy them.
And that destroyed me.
until I'm dead, will you?
I'm sorry I hurt you so bad to make you feel this way.
But you're crazy. I have never threatened your safety nor would I.
I wish you never fucking talked to me.
I wish I would have been strong enough to tell you to fuck off and get back to work then.
When I'm dead you'll celebrate.
Fucking weirdo.
died today.
The hardest fight of my life, against someone I never viewed as my enemy or opponent...
And I wasn't even allowed to defend myself.
How could you really think those things of me? How?
It doesn't even matter anymore.
you killed my heart.
goodbye.
Was I so hard to love?
Dear RC:
Why?
why did you never treat me like I was worth even CONSIDERING loving?
This whole friendship/relationship/situationship/nothing ship was pursued because of you. You initiated "us".
Yet you never seemed interested in me after the first month or two. I noticed and tried to cut it off once or twice and you always said to stay and that you did care.
But you didn't, did you? You just hadn't finished your exit preparations?
And now you say you're afraid of me and I THREATENED you?
Show me. Show me where I threatened you EVER.
I specifically remember saying something along the lines of:
"Karma is a bitch. You can't just discard people like they're trash. One day you'll have to answer for your terrible ways."
I was angry and feeling the sting of rejection. I should have said nothing. But I cared about you and you tossed me aside. I lost my mind.
But I never threatened to HURT you, because I never would. The fact that you're telling people this and really believe it (if you do) hurts me to no end.
We worked together for a while. We got to know each other. You really think that lowly of me? You REALLY think I would hurt you?
I still don't understand why you did what you did last Friday. You never would have heard from me again.
You keep saying I am stalking when I haven't tried to see you ONCE. Yet you can mosey into my work and my places anytime you want and that's NOT stalking? Do I got that right?
Why couldnt you ever love me? Why couldn't you even like me? Why was I not worth being a friend? Why did my feelings mean nothing at all to you?
I never meant to hurt you and I certainly am not stalking you or going to hurt you. Ever.
Don't you get it? I only want to see you if you WANT to see me. There's no point otherwise.
I'm not your enemy. You can try to fuck up my job, you can take me to court on exaggerated accusations, you can lie on my name and say I threatened you if you want to. Fuck it.
Those people never gave a fuck about me anyway. That's obvious now.
But guess what? I still won't hate you. Still won't dislike you. Still will forgive you.
That's not to say I'm not hurt and confused and extremely disappointed in how easy it was for you to erase our whole friendship. To hear you tell it you were such a great friend to me and I wasn't to you.
I never felt like you valued me as a friend or something more.
you practically begged me to give you a chance and to maybe be in a relationship and then shot me down EVERY TIME while simultaneously telling me "one day" or doing shit like your little phone call that night.
Could you just not handle being left? so you engineered the conditions to flip it where you could leave instead? and Fuck Josh and his feelings and his time and the fact that he would have died to protect you from harm.
I can't disagree with you on that last point.
Fuck me.
I am not who you're portraying me to be. I'm the guy who when you and your mom were fighting, encouraged you to make up and apologize ASAP. because I know she's your best friend in the world and hearing that y'all were fighting made ME sad.
I'm the guy who almost got fired being late for work because I was up til 5 and waiting to find out if you needed a ride home from Kingstree because you said you did then changed your mind at 2am.
I'm that guy who you always could not believe remembered the little details about your life and personality that you were so used to others forgetting.
I'm that guy who never once said no when you needed something.
I'm that guy who couldn't pass something Lighting McQueen related at a store and NOT get it for you. (I never got to give you Sally. Lightning will just have to be alone like me now I guess.)
I'm that guy who tried so patiently to get you to open up and be real with me.
I'm that guy who still thinks about how you're doing and wondering if you're safe and happy. STILL. even while you pour gasoline on the fire at my feet.
I know I said such horrible things to you, Angel. I can't take them back. Did the time we got to know each other REALLY mean absolutely nothing? You had a crush on me for so long I thought you ACTUALLY might like me.
You didn't, did you?
I can't process the fact that the last time I'll ever see you will be in a court room. Never been in one in my life except for jury duty. Never been in trouble at all.
And now this.
I wasn't even trying to contact you anymore. You set me up when you came into my work. And then your dad the next day?
I should be the one filing an order with all that drama.
I might not even come. Maybe you'll get lucky and NEVER have to see me again. That's what you want right?
Then why did you come into work and set all this in motion? Tell the truth for once. I still have yet to lie to you.
recently, I was served with a petition for a restraining order by an ex-friend/girlfriend, but I noticed a few days later that it's not signed by her/plaintiff. it has the notary signature, but there's no signature for her and there's a few other things blank on it too, like the county. does this make it null and void?