As a young man, I'm so grateful to the older men who uplift society. Those who are considerate, friendly, helpful. Really makes my day better. I aspire to be like them as I grow. Chivalry is alive and thriving today.
Hey guys! I've been in a LDR with my ENFJ girlfriend for 15 months now.
I'm wondering if you guys have any opinions or insights on this combination of personalities. I'm not very familiar with the personality types.
I want to be aware of any strengths or weaknesses so that I can improve the relationship moving forward.
Any insights are welcome!
Thanks and have a great day.
People who are burdened by regret, how can I avoid it?
I'm a guy in my early twenties, I'm currently doing good but I'm scared of becoming a bitter person due to regret.
TLDR: My gf regularly doesn't respond to my texts despite me raising it as an issue several times across 4 months. This is due to forgetfulness, a busy job and choosing to ignore them because responding makes her feel lonely.
Sorry for the length but this is complicated and important to me.
Quick context: Together for 15 months, met in person on holidays and kept going because of our connection. We both work full-time and video call most days. LDR with visits once every few months. She experiences emotions intensely.
I don't mean just not responding to a goodnight text, I mean not responding to something personal about my day, texts of affection and anything in-between. And no, I'm not blowing up her phone with notifications. I would say it's a normal amount of texting on my end.
I've raised this as an issue perhaps 6 times. Her ignoring happens almost daily. I usually try to ignore it when it happens because it upsets her for an hour when I bring it up, which doesn't feel worth it for just 1 or 2 texts that day. I've told her that it happens more than just when I mention it but I don't know if she gets that.
All I'm asking for is A RESPONSE. Doesn't need to be thoughtful. Just something. Something from my girlfriend.
At first, she said it's all because she is busy at work. That she would open it, be happy to hear from me, and something comes up at work before she gets to respond. Fair enough.
So, I suggested that she could just react with a heart emoji or something if she's busy. She agreed to this and occasionally remembers to do it, which is great when she does! She could also just not open it until she's free to respond. She didn't want that because she likes opening texts from me at work.
For a short time, she was responding well with reactions until she went back to her habit of ignoring it.
She loves video calling. She loves yapping about her day and I usually love listening. So it's not that she doesn't like to communicate.
It made me feel sad and unseen at the start. But at this point, it feels disrespectful more than anything. The fact that I've had to raise this issue so many times and that she still does it. I question how she sees me. I can't help but feel that she's self-absorbed and doesn't consider my needs.
Yesterday, she ignored 2 bunches of texts (morning and evening) and a voice note on a day off work. That was too much for me so I brought it up in a call. Took 2 messy hours to find out that she intentionally ignored them because it makes her feel lonely to text me back. It's like texting me back acknowledges the reality of not being physically present together. I think she ignores them to escape the discomfort that comes with that.
This was eye opening for me, to know that she would intentionally ignore me. If I need her support in the future, how can I trust that she would be there for me if she's too occupied prioritizing her own mental health?
She sees a therapist and she's made great progress with mental health in her own life which I'm proud of her for. But my emotions matter too, even if they are less intense.
Not sure how to move forward, but the ideas I have are:
Make a note of every time it happens for a week and then show it to her so she can hopefully understand how often it happens. But, I have no doubt this would upset her to know I kept track of them.
Each time she doesn't respond means one day of no phone calls. If she ignores 2 texts at once, this would count as 1 time. Maybe if she felt the sadness from lack of communication, she might understand mine more.
I feel stuck and a bit defeated. I feel like I've tried every healthy option and I don't want to threaten to break up or distress her. I can't keep pretending that it doesn't keep happening and that everything is okay. I want her to want to consider my needs and follow through with it but maybe she just doesn't have the mental capacity to take that on.
To be fair, after our convo yesterday, she has been responding today. I really hope it becomes consistent.
Any advice is welcome. Thanks for reading.
I've been seeing a lot of "I'm from x AMA" posts here recently. I personally find them uninteresting. It's different if it's a country in conflict, but if you're just saying that you're from England, what are you doing? Are you just trying to feel special?
I want to read actually interesting posts like "I won the lottery" or "I survived a natural disaster", not about some random country you were born in. I'm not trying to be an a-hole but I just don't want to see those posts on my feed.
A few years ago I was really into the game. My best global finish at the end of a season was ~400th in the world. I was the world's best player at the deck I used.
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I don't play anymore because the Pay To Win aspect has become too much to bear with.
The internet, AI, climate change. Everything is changing so much, so fast. If we even look back 3 decades ago, it's completely different to today. The future is so exciting yet intimidating. I'm glad we get to experience life now and witness how it unfolds.
I think it's very cool that our bodies automatically heal themselves. Cuts, bone breaks, etc. An awesome example is that the liver can fully regrow from only a quarter of its original weight.
DO IT. With the distance, I've never felt as close to my LDR partner. She feels the same way. I strongly recommend this to anyone reading.
We have a realm on Java that we play together on weekends when we're both free. We have invited some friends to it now too and it's lovely to be in an active community with her. We have our own house there among our friends and our little side projects that we work on.
She described it as feeling like she's in the same room as me. I think that sums it up well. The relationship has felt much more warm, tender and happy since.
Anyone else feel the same way? I've played different games with her too but no others have made us this connected before.