u/MeMeMeows

From the very beginning we struggled with communication. From my perspective, I think he would start fights over things that are not very important .For example, when we just moved in together he shouted at me for eating 3 snacks out of a 4 snack pack that I bought for us (not in one day, they were just sitting in the fridge for a few days) so I just went to the store to buy some more after which he shouted at me even more for wasting money. I felt like buying more snacks was an easy solution to the problem but now I'm thinking maybe the underlying issue wasn't the lack of snacks in the fridge. From his perspective I know I can be difficult too because I always want to talk things out. If there is an issue I'd rather we talk about instead of ignoring it and he perfers to just not talk about it. I have to admit I'm at fault here because sometimes when he does try to talk it out it just doesn't make any sense to me but I do try to be respectful. I just don't understand why he is bothered by things that bother him and so I tend to ask a lot of follow up questions to understand better and I think he feels like I'm attacking him by doing so.
I think we've been accomodating each other better over time. I don't try to understand or reason with his reactions as much, I just accept that this is how he feels and I let him cool off. He also made a lot of effort in hearing me out without getting defensive right away.
This was wonderful while it lasted.

However, in the past month or two random fights have been occuring again - and the reasons are more nonsensical to me than ever before. Just yesterday we were watching a youtube video about the engineering behind some F1 cars and after some fun fact I naturally reacted with "Oooo" in amusment which seemed to annoy him and he said "What are you reacting to? As if you can understand anything he said". That made me take a step back so I asked "What do you mean? What shouldn't I have understood?" There was nothing in that part of the video that was complex to understand, it's a video about engineering made for general public. Instead of answering my question somehow the thing he was upset about changed and now it became about how that video is stupid and I guess I'm stupid for enjoying it? He just wouldn't let it go.

My natural reflexes and reactions just seem to annoy him. Sometimes before I say something I'm excited about I "hit" a persons arm a little bit to get their attention. I do this without thinking about it. This really annoys him, he says it hurts. Okay, reasonable. So I talked to my friends about it because I do it to them too and they all said I don't hit hard at all and it never bothered them. Some of them even jokingly do it back to me.

I also like to banter sometimes but it's very lighthearted and I really don't mean anything bad by it. I'm not a mean spirted person. If I ever feel I went too far, I do sincerely apologize to that person because I'm not trying to hurt anyones feelings. My boyfriend reealllly hates my way of joking around and is telling me that no one around me likes it but that people are just too afraid to tell me anything about it. I talked to people about it and literally everyone seemed as confused about it as I was - they never minded it. I rarely ever do it with my boyfriend but sometimes when the situation is just right and I feel it's witty I can't help myself but it never lands the way I intend it to.

And that's okay at the end of the day, it's okay to feel differently about things. However...I'm starting to feel like he doesn't actually like anything about me. The way I am and exist annoys him. He doesn't seem to like my personality. When I daydream talk about how I want to learn how to drift irl he says that's stupid and dangerous and that I shouldn't do it. When I show him videos of activities I want to do he doesn't approve of it at all. The confusing thing is - I'm not even his type in looks. He is attracted to big chested ladies and I aint got that at all. The only thing I have going on is a big ass but he told me that does literally nothing for him. He says I'm pretty but then he also tells me stuff like "You aged so much in the last 2 years". But then at the end of the day he says he loves me and wants a future with me. I asked him once what he likes about me and he said he loves that I'm benevolent.

I'm just so confused. I had two prior relationships. In one it was very obvious that things weren't working out and in the other it was very obvious that they were. This relationship falls somewhere in the middle and I don't know what to think.