u/Memona_Emman_Writes

Content warning: suicide, self-harm, sexual assault

I was 17.5 when this happened, and he was 22.5. It has been a few months. I was dissociating and he took advantage of that. Assaulted me and coerced me. Manipulated me into "dating" him.

I told a few friends about it. One of them told him. He called my mother and threatened to have me arrested on false charges if I don't shut up. I live in pakistan and unfortunately if i report him there's a real chance i will get in trouble.

I hate myself. I wish there was a way to end all of this. Him. The pain. My life. I wish i could end it all in the blink of an eye. But then i think about my pets. My parents. My best friend.

I don't know. What was my fault? That i was too naive and trusted him? That i let him do that to me? I hate myself. I feel like my body isn't mine. Like it belongs to him. Like it is his property. Like i deserved it. I have held myself together for so long. I can't do this anymore.

Maybe i will end up dead. Who knows. My cat is looking at me. I'm sure she would like me dead. Or maybe not. Idk.

Content warning: suicide, self-harm, sexual assault

I was 17.5 when this happened, and he was 22.5. It has been a few months. I was dissociating and he took advantage of that. Assaulted me and coerced me. Manipulated me into "dating" him.

I told a few friends about it. One of them told him. He called my mother and threatened to have me arrested on false charges if I don't shut up. I live in pakistan and unfortunately if i report him there's a real chance i will get in trouble.

I hate myself. I wish there was a way to end all of this. Him. The pain. My life. I wish i could end it all in the blink of an eye. But then i think about my pets. My parents. My best friend.

I don't know. What was my fault? That i was too naive and trusted him? That i let him do that to me? I hate myself. I feel like my body isn't mine. Like it belongs to him. Like it is his property. Like i deserved it. I have held myself together for so long. I can't do this anymore.

Maybe i will end up dead. Who knows. My cat is looking at me. I'm sure she would like me dead. Or maybe not. Idk.

I and a friend are conducting a private Model UN conference in the first week of July, and my ex (who manipulated, coerced, and assaulted me) is invited as a Chair. For the purposes of the event, I can't really un-invite him because he's bringing participants and sponsors, plus a member of the Executive Council is pretty close to him and won't work with us unless my ex is there. It's a lot of politics and I'm going to have to face him.

My heartrate goes up and I feel lightheaded even thinking of him as I type this. I feel the assault all over again.

My friend talked to him and told him that if he's going to come to the event, he has to mind his own business and stay away from me. My ex has assured that, given I don't talk to anyone about him either. I feel as though it is unfair that he as the perpetrator and I as the victim are being held subject to the same standards. Still, I am going to inform the girls who are coming through my referral to be careful.

How do I cope with seeing him at the event? Even if he doesn't talk to me and acts professionally, I still will have to see his face.

Not trashing on anyone, genuinely curious. I've been on Reddit for 4-5 years, and I've never seen this kind of community in a subreddit. Like, do y'all only post in this sub? How did you find out about Reddit and why did you sign up?