u/Mindless_Purchase594

After finally leaving my ex, I’ve started opening up to loved ones about what’s been going on in my life. I’m constantly being told that my ex was abusive. But I’m having a hard time accepting it because I feel like I was the abuser. At most, it was toxic. But I don’t think it was abuse.

I keep replaying everything - the good, the bad, the in between. There was never any violence, screaming or yelling, or anything “obvious”. We had issues, but nothing ever got aggressive.

I’ve questioned every decision I’ve made, if I’m remembering things correctly, and if I’m making things into a bigger deal than they really are.

I called the Domestic Violence hotline for resources. I explained to them that I was abusive and I needed help. I told them my story, and they pushed back. I am in agony that no one will confirm that I’M abusive. Because I feel like I am.

If no one will validate my feelings and experiences, then how do I get help and resources to be better? I can’t repeat these cycles again.

Before anyone says marriage, I know marriage is the quickest way to get a GC. However I just got out of a relationship and so that’s out of the question right now.

I’m a DACA recipient. I accrued 2 1/2 years of unlawful presence from 18 - 20 (when I got my first DACA approval). No grounds for inadmissibility.

My USC sibling sponsored my parents. Once they got their GC, they filed my I-130.

My I-130 is now current and I got an email from the National Visa Center. I know that leaving to attend the appointment would trigger the 10 year bar.

I’ve heard I could file an I-601A waiver, but I’m not sure how successful it would be and how long it takes for a decision.

Questions:
- If I decide to try the waiver, how exactly would that work?
- If the waiver is approved, what would be my next steps?
- If the waiver is denied, what happens?
- Are there any other options for me to consider at this time?

Happy to provide any more details as needed.

Over the last 6 months, things have been really hard in my life. I prayed and asked God for His guidance in the midst of everything. Now I’m questioning whether I made the right decisions or misinterpreted His messages to me.

My life has been a literal hell, and I can’t seem to break free from any of it. I’m exhausted, overwhelmed, and feel an endless amount of guilt and shame.

I feel like I’m being punished for the decisions I’ve made. I’m carrying so many secrets to protect my loved ones so I feel so alone in everything. I feel like a horrible and terrible person and I don’t know where to go from here.

I feel like God is punishing me now and making me suffer. I only wanted to do “the right thing” but it has been a long and stressful period. I feel so alone and like I deserve to suffer.

I just recently broke up with my boyfriend. I’m feeling all sorts of emotions as clarity sets it and I’m so overwhelmed.

I don’t ever want to accuse someone of being abusive if they’re not. But a lot has happened, and I’m confused.

On the outside, he was a good boyfriend and overall person. Always kind, respectful, and friendly. He never laid a hand on me, never raised his voice, and never did anything “obviously” abusive. But had displayed behaviors that are concerning.

He had a raging porn addiction, and the majority of what I found was in the realm of NCII content. Some of the stuff I found made me physically sick. Some conversations showed he had no regard for consent / privacy of others. I could never get it out of my head that he was abusing these women for participating in this behavior.

One night, I think he was suspicious I’d go through his phone based on a conversation we had. He repeatedly insisted I take melatonin, I gave in to make it stop, then he shoved his fingers in my mouth to make sure I swallowed it.

The first time I tried breaking up with him, he blocked the door so I couldn’t leave, so I gave in.

The second time I tried breaking up with him, he cried and begged repeatedly. He threw things in my face and made me feel so guilty that I gave in again.

I had asked for space a few days after that, and it lasted only 2 days before he called me, crying and begging. I had been drinking that night and I stupidly gave in.

Shortly after that, I learned someone else posted my nude photos online. I wanted to file a police report, and he was completely against the idea.

He’d shower me with so much affection, gifts, and attention. He seemed anxious if I didn’t pick up his call right away or respond to a text within a reasonable amount of time. I couldn’t tell if he actually cared or if he was trying to “make me forget” the mistreatment.

The relationship became exhausting, and I was on edge 24/7 even when things were “normal”. I realize now that it’s because I wasn’t feeling safe anymore, but was blinded by love and his “good” side.

My loved ones had been telling me for months to leave him and that I deserved better. But leaving felt so hard, as I was always worried about another emotional outburst or more guilt-tripping.

Last week, it felt like my body was fully rejecting him. Calls and texts made me physically uncomfortable. The last two days I was with him, I couldn’t bring myself to be intimate or cuddle or just overall be physically close. I finally burst and ended things with him. He finally let me go without a fight.

I’m just so scared and confused about what I’ve done. Did I give an abuser a chance, thinking he would change? Am I overreacting? Am I just trying to find blame somewhere because I feel so much shame and humiliation? I really don’t know what to feel or think.

Or, maybe he wasn’t being intentionally “harmful” and in his mind, he thought he was doing things to keep me happy and build trust in him again?

Or, am I the abuser for staying with someone longer than I should have, despite knowing about the things he’d done, and trying so hard to forgive him.

I miss him, but I can’t do this anymore. For the first time in months, I was able to sleep through the night and feel rested. My body feels like it’s regulated again. I don’t look so exhausted.

I just broke up with my boyfriend. I love and care about him, but there’s been a lot of issues between us and in our personal lives.

I made the call. It was an amicable, loving, and respectful goodbye. But I’m devastated.

I want to use this time to pour back into my life, and reconnecting with God.

I had been praying for weeks for clarity on the situation. I don’t know if it was a sign from God or the stress of everything, but I suddenly had this intense and overwhelming feeling that it was time to let him go.

How exactly do I seek guidance with God/scripture now? I don’t really know what I’m looking for. I’m not sure if I want him back one day or completely let go. I just want peace, clarity, and to move forward with my life.

I’m prescribed 50mg. I haven’t taken it in few months, but I wanted to get back into managing my anxiety/OCD. I restarted on Sunday, and things went downhill drastically.

I have barely slept all week, despite taking Ativan or melatonin to help. My heart is racing uncontrollably. I can’t eat much, have constant headaches, can’t focus on anything. I keep bursting into tears and can’t sit still.

Last night I was burning up and sweating while also experience chills. I have been so uncomfortable this past week.

The suicidal thoughts have increased significantly. I can’t self-soothe. I had an emergency appointment with my therapist, and have called the crisis hotline twice already.

I am in agony and I don’t know what to do. I had previous success with Zoloft, but I’ve never experienced anything this intense. I don’t know if it’s the medication or the issues in my personal life, or a combination of both. But I don’t know what to do right now.

I’m in a horrible mental state. I’m afraid of calling 911 or checking myself into a hospital because I don’t want to be hospitalized. I just can’t contain myself and I feel like I might lose my mind.

988 hasn’t been helpful when I call. I don’t want to talk to my family or friends right now. But I need help.

Does anyone have experience with Mobile Crisis Intervention teams? Will they be forced to admit me or call police/EMS?

Location: Massachusetts

I am a witness of a crime. I’ve complied with police and given them all the information I have to help their case.

I have been in touch with a Victim Witness Advocate. As the case prepares for trial, I’ve been anxious about disclosing my immigration status, especially considering the current environment.

Is it safe to do so? Or should I stay silent about it unless it gets brought up?