u/Mirapakayi

Today I had my second ever panic attack. It was as bad as the first time, but it was more prolonged.

So evening oorkine phone chustunna. Sarey ani cheppi Discord on chesa. There I saw two people playing a game. I just wanted to join and talk to them.

Valla server join ainappuddu for some reason they didn't notice me joining. Maybe they were busy in the game or maybe Discord glitched out. I don't know. But I thought it would be a fun way to surprise them. Join ainappudde elago mic mute lo ne undi kanuka I was just silent and listening to them talk.

Oka ten minutes mamuluga edo random stuff maatladukunnaru. But ten minutes tarvaata one guy started talking about me. Aa two people lo okadu aithe naaku just normal parichayam. But inkodu aithe he was very close with me. I considered him to be a good friend. Guess which guy started talking about me? That's right, the "good friend". Not only did he talk about me, But he talked shit about me and made fun of me.

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First off, a manishi nenu oka public forum lo undevallamu. Tanatho neneppuddu direct ga maatladaledu. Tane oka roju naaku personal ga message chesi parichayam cheskunnadu. Overtime he became a really good friend. He was really good with me. He was such a sweet person. Tanani appudduappuddu kalustha unta kuda.

Alagey potha undedi but oka January nunchi vaadiki edo deyyam pattinattu aipoyadu. Vaadu naaku calls and messages cheyyadam maanesadu. Nenu oka 2-3 times calls chesa, vaadu cut chesevaadu. Inka nenu calls cheyyadam maanesa. Mari messages chesthenemo vaadu sarigga reply ivvatledu. First ento mamuluga ela unnavu ani palakaristhe vaadu anni brainrot stickers reply ga pettevaadu. Tarvaata oo sari oka vishayam gurinchi teluskundam ani message chesa. Vaadu daaniki just cut and dry 1-word replies pettadu. Inka sarey, nenu messages kuda maanesa. But lately, memu unna public forum lo he started replying to me whenever I talk about anything. But vaadi replies anni kuda eppuddu vetakaram gane untadi. Friendly ga chese vetakaram okala untadi. Vetakaram ga chese — okadni errip**u ani anukunni chese vetakaram inkola untadi. His behaviour became the second category.

Inka I started to slowly ignore him on the forum. But I still gave the benefit of doubt. I thought that maybe he's going through something. Maybe in his mind he thought he meant it as a joke only. I still thought that at least in his mind, he meant good. But ivvala vaadu na venukala na gurinchi vere vaaditho antha sarcastic ga vetakaramga maatladesariki naaku chala baadha vesindi. The level of contempt he had for me was genuinely distressing to know.

And I don't even know why. I really don't know why he changed like this. From being the sweetest person in the world to being an absolute jerk, vaadu enduku ila maaripoyado telidu. Okavela nenu chesindi edaina nacchakapoyi, andukani ala pravartiste, the best thing he could do is at least let me know so that I would have some closure.

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After that I just left. Aa leaving notification occhindi anukunta appuddu vaadu message chesadu "When did you join, why are you leaving already?" Ani. Nenu message open kuda cheyyaledu. After that naaku oka one minute asalla breathing ey aadaledu. Inka after a full minute, I regained my breathing. But oka 9 daaka kuda it felt like I was struggling to breathe. Oka 3 times tea taagaka.. and after eating heavily, oka 9 nunchi I'm able to breathe completely.

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Na chinnappuddu nunchi na jaathakam ilage untadi. People come into my life. They get attached. They make me get attached. But one day, they just throw me away quickly in a second. But I end up having a hard time to detach myself. Janalu maatram oka split-second lo nannu oka tissue paper laga they'll crumple and throw me away. One second they are fine. The next second vallaki ekkada leni pogaru, ego, arrogance, attitude, haughtiness, and most importantly, contempt occhesiddi. I too should probably start behaving like a pompous douchebag ... Because being nice is a wrong lifestyle choice to make.

Ma intlo kottha ceiling fan konnamu. Endukante the old one was really slow and well past its age. Enno years mundu konnamu, baaga paatha padipoyindi. So kottha fan biginchi paathadi padesamu.

Tarvaata pani aama paniki occhindi. Aa fan konna box antha undadam chusindi. "Enti, kottha fan konnara?" ani adigindi. Haa avunu amma annanu. "Mari paatha fan ekkada undi?" ani adigindi. Adi padesamu anna.

Tanu chala feel ayyi "enduku padesaru.. adi naaku icchundocchu kada?" ani cheppindi. I was like "Ayyo adi neeku use avutundi ani teliledu. Ayina adi baaga paatha fan. Sarigga gali kuda raavatledu" annanu.

Daaniki tanu "Sarigga gali raakapothe enti babu, na intlo asalla fan ey ledu. Fan kuda konalenu ippuddu. Ocche dabbulu sarigga tindiki kuda saripovatledu. Roju bayate padukuntunnamu. Asalla ceiling fan leni daaniki paathadi edokati unte manchide ga? Fan lekunda ukkaga undi ani bayata padukuntamu. Oke oka mancha (cot.. a single cot made of cloth) untadi.. andulo ma ayina padukuntadu. Nenaithe oo chinna chaapa veskunni road pakkane padukunta. Meeru fan icchunte kanisam gudisa lopala aina padukunne avakaasam occhedi" annadi.

Emo, tanu inka ala annaka chala ante chala baadha vesindi. 😔 Ento kontha mandiki mari intha goramaina kashtallo untunnaru 😔

Inka nenu ventane Amazon lo kottha fan order petta tana kosam. Oka 2 days lo occhestadi.

Naaku chinnappuddu nunchi untunde. But around January aa teeth grinding baaga ekkuva aipoyindi. Adi ekkuva mental health problems and stress valla avutadi anta

I was on the verge of badly hurting my teeth and gums. Tarvaata dentist daggara nunchi bite-guard teesukunna (dentist language lo splint antaru). It has been a lifesaver for me.

Meelo evarikaina ii problem unte meeru kuda aa bite-guard pettukondi padukunnetappuddu.

Say for example there's a thing. Most people have it. Few people don't have it. Aa few people lo nenu okadni. But I can't stop my FOMO. It's eating me too much. How to stop my FOMO?

Monna okallu nannu dabbulu adigaru. ii manishi chala kashta padutunnaru kada ani nenu kashta padi iccha, I didn't even get even a thank you.

Vallaki appu la kadu, gift laga iccha... Still I didn't even get a thank you.

Aa manishi naatho oka maata kuda manchiga maatladaru.. kanisam "nuvvu ela unnavu?" ani kuda adagaru. Alanti manishiki sahayam chesa. I didn't even get a thank you.

Aa manishi valla na jeevitham ey sarva naasanam aipoyindi. Aina kuda alanti manishi kashta padutunnaru kada ani dabbulu iccha. I didn't even get a thank you.

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Naaku ii lokam lo oka naya paisa icchevaadu evaru leru. Naaku sahayam chesevallu okallu leru. Alagey edaina chinna sahayam chesina kuda nenu chala grateful ga feel avutha. Jeevithantam vallaki runa padi untadi. Alantidi veellaki nenu intha pedda sahayam chesinappuddu — Vallaki evaru leni time lo nenu occhi aadhukunnanduku — naaku kanisam oka thank you kuda cheppali anipinchaledu.

Evari paapaniki vallu potaru le ani chepdam anukunna. Kani indake oo post chusa where someone said that karma doesn't work. So I don't even have that to fall back on.

Aa exact scenario/reason cheppandi kudirithe.

ఊర్కినే తెలుసుకుందాం అని.. చెప్పాలని అనిపిస్తేనే చెప్పండి.

మీ BMI తెలుసుకోవడానికి:

https://www.calculator.net/bmi-calculator.html

Me: Arre, sorry ra phone chuskoledu. Phone charging pettanu. Enti vishayam?

Him: Arre, enduku etthaledu? Sarey, "that person" occhesi "that country" ki vellaru kada, athanni neekosam Airpods Pro 3 teesukomannanu. Otti 20k anta (5000₹ discount ni edo pedda huge discount laga). Oka 20k naaku transfer cheyyi.

Me: Reyi enti? Joke chestunnava?

Him: Ey ledu, chala serious ga cheptunna.. Nenu aa person ni koneyi ani cheppesa. Naaku dabbulu kotteyi.

Me: Reyi na tarapuna ala nirnayam teeseskuntava enti? 20k raa. Nenu cheppakunda na tarapuna teesukunte ela?

Him: Eyy po ra babu.. nuvvu phone etthaledu.. inka nenemo teesesko mani cheppa. Nuvvu inka asalla naatho maatladaku

Me: Phone etthakapothe evaraina lite ani cheppi vadilestaru. Ala ela teesukuntaru? Aina naaku ii samvatsram baaga tight ga undi ani enni sarlu cheppuntanu? Aina ala ela teesukuntavu?

Him: Eyy nuvvu inka maatladaku..

He cuts the call. I try to call him back

Doesn't lift the call

Doesn't lift the call