My therapist keeps telling me I need to find ways to self-soothe but I just don’t get it. I never feel soothed, I’m in a constant state of mild anxiety 24/7/365.
It used to be snacking or food in general but I now stopped emotional eating.
I don’t do baths, anything that still lets my brain do its thing doesn’t work.
Anyone has any suggestions? What works for you?
Morning folks, we bought an EV a bit on impulse and now need to get a charger installed ASAP.
We have an old fuse box that we’ve been planning to update for a while, but it did pass all test when we got an extractor fan installed earlier in the year and we haven’t had any issues.
Any ideas if we’d get refused if we try to get the charger first? Any advice much appreciated!
I’m so baffled… I finally told my mother what’s been on my mind, want to go no contact and all that.
Her first reaction was as expected, I’ve never did that, you’re wrong, why are you so harsh and cruel etc
And then a week later she sent me a message saying “whatever you’re thinking, it’s the truth” and hopes we can rebuild our relationship.
I’m just so confused, I don’t trust it at all and look for another angle she’s using to manipulate me to go back to her 😩
I grow up with only my mum and learned from a young age that having emotions is not an option. I was shamed for crying, shamed for having needs or wanting to do what my friends did.
I ended up completely shutting off as a teenager… my grandma liked to say that “everything washes over me” and it did for a very long time.
My mum was diagnosed with cancer when I was 18, I took her to every appointment, I did her injections, I was her carer and emotional support.
I moved to a different country at 22, and gradually it all came out. I’m now 32 and the weight of what I’ve been carrying from a young age just crushed me.
My therapist asked “And who looked after you growing up? Who asked if I’m okay or if I need anything” and the answer is no one.
I can’t deal with anyone needing comfort from me, I can’t handle people who rely on help from other people because that was never an option for me, I didn’t ever get to be a helpless child
Another find, boots hydrating sheet mask has no fragrance in it! And only £2
My mother never liked any of my boyfriends growing up, there was always something not right with them and I always ended up spending more time with her than them.
I’ve lived abroad now for 10 years, and have been with my partner for nearly 10 years. For context, we’re not married but own a house etc so he’s pretty much my husband just not on paper.
She’s never made any attempt to get to know my partner, and I know there is a language barrier but she’s been saying she’ll learn English for the past 20 years (she already watches all shows in English etc). She has the means to travel, she has the means and time to go on a language course.
They only met briefly 3 times.
She only wants me to visit on my own, and when we had a family funeral last year she was surprised that my partner was flying with me and asked if it’s necessary.
He’s my best friend, my closest family, we’re inseparable. It didn’t even cross my mind he wouldn’t come to a funeral of a close relative with me.
Few years ago she asked me “do you know why X loves you, has he ever told you” which still echoes deeply in my head… Never doubted his love until then so thanks for that, mum.
Through out the years whenever I mentioned getting engaged her first and only reaction would be to get upset that she’ll have to learn the language… no “say yes to the dress” crying moment for me I guess.
I went to a few weddings in the last year and seeing families embracing each other and celebrating their love crushed me. I know I will never have that, and I’m still grieving the family I never get to have.
Is this a narcissistic mother thing to be so dismissive of partners? I think she wants to get to me on my own to regain some control but I’m now in the process of going no contact and start to feel a little lighter with the thought I might not see her again
Random find in Tesco! £3 a pop, no fragrance, no beeswax. Subtle tint but looks nice - very excited to try, I really struggle finding lip products that don’t have beeswax and fragrance, sick of carrying a tub of Vaseline with me haha
After years in therapy I finally snapped… I told her I blame her for my eating disorder and her response was that she will never agree that she promoted being skinny. I’m making it all up. It made me feel completely insane for a moment but now I’m just replaying all the things she said to me in my head over and over again.
She liked to point out I have cellulite and she never did - from the age of 15/16.
She laughed that she has no idea where I got my thick knees and thighs from and that I’m made for weight lifting (but ofc when I started doing weights she warned me that I will only get bigger legs).
She always told me she was 50kg even after having me and my brother and made me try on her old clothes that never fit me (At the time I was a teenager).
After I told her I was bulimic and I’m in recovery… she kept brining up people from my school she saw who are now skinny and look SO MUCH BETTER.
She saw someone she haven’t seen in a while in a supermarket and said „at least I’m still skinny”.
Fat shamed to me my siblings girlfriend the first time she met her… the girl is a size 8 and half my size.
And the endless food rules… don’t eat after 6pm, she made me do juice cleanses with her, endless „are you going to eat all that”.
I honestly could keep going on for hours… she broke me and now says it never happened. I don’t even know what I expected but I just can’t cope with it anymore.
Last time I saw her face to face was for a funeral last year, I had a panic attack the night before and spent hours crying trying to chose an outfit so she can’t see my size. She would never say anything to my face in front of my partner but she can just take one look at me and I just feel fat and disgusting.
I just needed to vent… I’m trying to go no contact to heal and regain my self esteem but I think it will take years